How often does BF 7mo old need to feed in the night?

[NoodleBugs]

We've been working really hard to help my nearly 7 month old DS learn to sleep for more than 20 minutes at a time, and are finally getting there. He now has a BF at 7:30 and will settle himself to sleep after this (instead of falling to sleep feeding and me putting him down). For a couple of nights he did brilliantly and slept for about 5 hours before waking for a feed, and going back to sleep again without a problem.

Now though, he does the same - goes to sleep by himself - but wakes after 2.5 - 3 hours and absolutely will not settle until he's had a feed. So I feed him and he goes back to sleep for another 2.5 hours. Repeat until morning.

It's great that he's able to settle himself, but I wondered how often he should need to feed at night. Surely he doesn't actually need to feed so often? I ask because I will need to stop breastfeeding in the next couple of months as I prepare for returning to work. He can drink from a sippy cup in the day and will happily guzzle water or juice, but only wants milk at night. He isn't overly keen on a bottle, but would take one if hungry enough. No chance at night!

If I don't feed him he gets angrier and angrier until my eardrums feel like they'll explode. Absolutely nothing else will pacify him.

Any ideas whether he could actually be hungry this often, or whether it's for comfort. If it's for comfort (at least some of the time) how might I be able to wean him off this and start to help him settle without the breast?

You have my sympathy, I was going to post a similar question for my six month old dd.
I have a night shift once a week that I will soon be going back too, so really need some help with the night weaning.

Hope someone knowledgable comes along soon

I'm the same, mynameis. I work shifts, including 4pm - midnight and nights, so need to figure something out!

Sorry to say this, noodle, but a 7 mo is very, very small to be not feeding at night. While some babies will manage it it's quite normal for them to need that night feed for a good while yet. He's not angry, he's hungry, and asking for you and the combination of food and love that he can only get from you.

How have you been teaching him to go to sleep alone? Sometimes "sleep training" if it's the leave them to cry style of "training" can lead them to be more "clingy" because they were not ready to be alone in the first place. Unfortunately none of the "training" books tell you this - they just promise you utopia - or worse, that if you don't follow their technique that your baby will never sleep (which is clearly rubbish).

There are ways to try to reduce things a bit. There's a great book called "The No-Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantley with lots of ideas in and Dr Sears "Nighttime Parenting" is also really good. You can try seeing if your partner can settle him instead of you (or offer a bottle) as sometimes just having a non-milky person there os enough if he's not hungry at that moment. Or, considering safe bed sharing can be a life saver if you can learn to feed lying down.

Have you looked at the option of not stopping BFing when you go back to work, and just BFing when you're at home? Might this be an option?

It sounds like he may be reverse cycling so, instead of worrying about the nights, have you tried upping his feeds during the day? It might stop him being so hungry at night.

Agree that the No Cry Sleep Solution is a good book, it helped us with our DS who was a terrible sleeper.

You might also like this and this.

X post noodle. I see what you mean about work and feeding, then. Again, you might want to consider continuing when you're home but I see what you mean about needing a night strategy.

Have you tried getting someone else to offer a bottle overnight together with lots of cuddles and snuggles?

Hi orgnic, and thanks for your reply. He certainly seems angry! :-) He sleeps next to me in a cosleeping cot. He was originally waking every 20 minutes, day and night, so now he sleeps right next to me, has a feed and I lay him down to fall asleep. He cried a little for the first night, but I put a hand on his tummy and shhh him and he easily settles now. We haven't followed any specific 'sleep training', nor have we done 'controlled crying' though there's certainly a (very) small element of that in here. Unfortunately we had little choice - He would only settle with milk and as such was feeding every 20 minutes, which was making him bloated and he clearly felt rubbish.

How often would you think would be reasonable for him to feed in the night?

Continuing breastfeeding when I go back to work isn't an option. I work erratic shifts and wouldn't be able to express. I also don't think it's fair that some nights I can feed him, and others I can't. He does take a lot of comfort from breastfeeding and I wouldn't like to confuse him by offering it sometimes but not others. It also feels like I'd be setting DH (who will be at home with him) up for a nightmare when DS realises I've gone. He's scream all day! I would feel differently if I worked regular hours.

Jilted, we tried upping his feeds in the day, but it made little difference. Will have a look at the book.

I don't expect him to sleep all night and am not unrealistic, but I simply can't continue to feed him every 2.5 hours through the night. DH needs to be able to help settle him. It's looking more and more likely that I'll need to switch him on to formula :-(

Xpost, too, Organic :)

Will try DH with a bottle again tonight, but he really really hates it. I wonder whether he's breastfeeding for comfort rather than nutritional need.

I wonder whether it would be easier for DS if he was fully bottle fed, rather than distressed (and angry!) that he can have BF in the evening but if he wakes after an hour or two he can only have a bottle. It must be so confusing for him :(

That sounds like a lovely set-up, noodle. I can certainly see your challenge!

I know he'll sound angry :) but honestly, at his age I really wouldn't assume he's not hungry. And anyway, comfort is so important that it's moot in a way. I like what you've done already - very similar really to what is recommended in the more gentle books but as you've seen it isn't a magic bullet.

The thing is, while the transition to sometimes bottle - sometimes boob will be confusing, it is possible for him to learn that this is how things are, sometimes. But whether you want to do this depends on how strongly you feel about continuing to BF. It sounds like you'd miss it - but really in your heart what's your desire? If you feel ok about stopping, if a bit sad, it's different to if you're really wanting to continue but are struggling to find a path.

:)

Seven month olds don't actually need to feed at all in the night.

primi really? That's news to me :) Could you point me in the direction of the research, please?

Thanks Organic. You're right - the comfort and reassurance is absolutely just as important.

I love breastfeeding him - I love that I can give him instant comfort and make him happy. There's nothing better than him snuffled on my knee and looking up with a great, satisfied grin :)

I guess I'm a little worried about DS and DH when I go back to work. DH was never going to be a sahd, but was made redundant while I was pregnant and since there's so little work around for him, he's going to stay home with DS when I go back to work.

DH is a wonderful dad, and looking forward to staying home, but I'm worried about making things hard for him. I'm so worried about DS being confused and crying for me all day/night, and DH feeling helpless. Maybe I should do a little more reading around mixed feeding.

Thanks for your advice and support :)

Aww noodle what a tricky position :( On the positive side your DH is looking forward to being a SAHD which is fabulous. What does he feel about the feeding part of things? I understand about you not wanting to make things harder for him, but he can also find his own ways to comfort your little one and this is incredibly important for their relationship.

And that "great, satisfied grin". (in a nice way!) I have had a terrible time feeding DS2 and we seldom get this :( It's amazing, isn't it? (Remembering the wonderful BFing relationship with DS1).

If you want to talk about mixed feeding, just ask!

How old will he be when you return to work Noodle?

If you're feeding at night for comfort, reassurance and because you love breastfeeding, fine to keep doing it.

If it's because you want to get more nutrition into your baby, I'd suggest you try and up his milk intake in the day, so he can go longer without a feed at night.

I can't quote any studies or statistics, but in my view based on my own (limited, one baby) experience and those of my friends, most babies at 6mo+ can and do go longer than a 3 hour stretch at night without feeding.

Hand you and your friends must have been very lucky! Lots of 7 month olds, including both of mine rarely went 3 hours at that age. It can be from indigestion, mental development or just plain hunger.

handmini while some babies can easily go longer than 3 hours without a feed at 6-7 months, some can't. Some babies need night feeds for a lot longer than this. Sometimes this need is nutritional and for comfort and sometimes it's entirely for comfort. Both are valid reasons and are a response to a baby's request for help to move into the new world that he finds himself in.

Some babies are more "high needs" than others, and those babies may wake frequently for some years. Not breastfeeding them may mean you - well - don't breastfeed them - but it doesn't necessarily make them sleep better, or longer, and you're just removing the fastest way to get them back to sleep.

Oh i feel for you, my DD fed often during the night until 15m, she is now 18m and still likes an early morning feed (5am), i quit work during my pregnancy because of the shifts, and thankfully DH is more than happy with this, but i still have regular nightmares about having to work shifts whilst bf, i have even woken up in tears, so i really do feel for you.

What i will say though, i have had one night out since she was born, got home at 1.30, but was on call and literally at the end of the road, she didnt wake up at all until i was home, which was the first time in her life (she was 12m)...i wonder if she recognised i wasnt there and decided there was no point waking.

Hope it all works out for you.

Jilted, he'll be 10 months, so I've got three months left. Am I worrying too soon? I'm scared of leaving it too late and not giving him chance to settle into whatever we decide to do before I leave him.

Organic, I'm lucky to have a wonderful DH who would do anything to help at night. He often sits up with us at night when DS feeds (as he says he feels guilty if he's sleeping and I'm not!). He'd love to be able to settle him himself at night.

Is there a particulat feed that might be easier to try and introduce formula? If DH is able to offer formula sometimes it would be lovely. At least if he'll take it, I wouln't mind if he wakes at night! I really have no objection to him waking at night and 2.5 hours is a breeze after how he used to be. He also settles soeasily after a feed now (so maybe he is hungryafter all! Babies are confusing ) But I just won't be able to feed all night for as long as he needs to - At some point I won't be there :( Cue tears and wails of "I don't want to leave him., don't make me go!"

I love how all these 'most babies' statistics get thrown around. Is it one of those 47 out of 70 mums agree kind of dubious stats favoured by marketing? OP has a 7mo that can settle himself. That's really great for one so young. There are already great suggestions to let daddy to try to settle to remove the association of milk. They know their LO and are in the best position to judge if he's hungry or not.

NoodleBugs don't worry about the going back to work. I went back when DD was 7mo too, and she's not so lucky to be able to stay with dad. She went to a nursery. Babies at this age can easily be distracted away from milk, and there are also solids you can offer. I don't think he'll be crying all day missing your bm. DD has reverse cycled and now take almost no milk while at nursery. But she eats a lot more solids than when she is with me. I continue to bf and do 1-2 feeds a night. She wakes about every 3-4 hours through the night for milk. My DH works too, so we don't have the option to go to ff, because obviously bf is much easier when you are half asleep. DD is also going through the dreaded 8/9 mo sleep regression, with teething, so sleep aren't great atm, but we are coping. (DH moved to guest room for the last week so at least he doesn't get head butted when DD wants to do her mid night gymnastics).

I also really like Pantley's no cry sleep solution. We managed to get to no wakings through the night from around 2-3mo. But then after I gone back to work, predictably when she woke up more at night, she wants to come into the big bed. I think it's to do with missing me during the day.

Oh noodle jsut saw your new post. It'll be 10mo that's a long time for someone so young. For example, I saw my DD solids intake goes up dramatically since 8mo. And hopefully you'll be over the 8/9mo sleep progression by the time you go back to work.

He is indeed 'high needs' and without meaning to add by stealth, he has had a troubled time including meningitus at 3 months and a long hospital stay. Beastfeeding is a clearly huge comfort to him, and organic he is the master of the happy gaze after a feed . I just worry that I simply can't offer this comfort forever - I have to go back to work. I guess his difficult time has led me to confuse comfort and nutrition, and if I'm not bale to offer breastfeeding as comfort in the future, I need to find a balance between a new way of comforting him and getting him the right nutrition.

stuff, I'd love nothing more than to stay home with him and wouldn't tihnk about changing his feeds if I didn't have to go back to work. Now that we've mastered getting him straight back to sleep I'd carry on like this for as long as he wanted :(

Comfort and nutrition is intermixed in infants - "confusing" them is a good thing :)

But I know what you're saying. You don't want to limit his feeds if he needs food, but you need to work out a way to get him through without boob, for when you're not there.

It is likely to be tough for him, but he will be fine. Certainly having a loving, attentive father who wants to work out methods of comforting him will mean that he's in the very best place to work through to the new way of doing things, and this is totally different to his needs being ignored and him being "trained".

Saying that, 3 months is an awfully long time in someone his age (think back three months back!) so yes, things will be changing by 10 months. It's also a nice amount of time to start to introduce changes really slowly so maybe it's worth looking at trialling a few different ways of doing things (maybe you sleeping elsewhere, if you have the space, for a few hours, while DH tries a bottle, that sort of thing). That way introducing one change at a time might be easier for him. If something is too hard, try something else for a while and come back to it.

Does he have some kind of comforter? Some babies take to them. Just a cloth or small teddy - or whatever. If you can tuck it into your bra and maybe sleep with it for a few days it will get your smell and some babies find this comforting. Others think you're trying to murder them when offering such a poor substitute (yes, personal experience there!!!) but it's worth a try.

From reading your posts I would suggest not worrying for at least another 2 months, although I would add some bottle feeds to get/keep DS used to them, one a day. Maybe sometimes you give it, maybe DH, maybe in the day, maybe in the night. But apart from that as organic has pointed out, so much will change on its own in 3 months.
Please enjoy this period while it lasts (I'm saying this to myself as much as to you!)

So I'm worrying for nothing Sounds typical of motherhood so far for me! Three months is a long time but as you say, I wanted to give enough time to figure out what works (or doesn't!).

Reassuring to know he'll survive! Is it just me, or do guilt and motherhood go hand it hand too?

DH will start giving him a bottle once a day while I scrutinise from the corner keep my milk smell elsewhere, and see how it goes. At present bm is the only thing that will settle him, but maybe if he starts having the occasional bottle he'll learn to settle for DH too :)

LOL - motherhood = guilt. Fakt .

And you've been through a really tough time with the meningitis and a high needs baby. Not surprising you're worried - and lovely for your baby boy that he has a mother who wants so much to do what's right for him.

Bottle once a day sounds like a plan :)