Nursing strike or sudden weaning?

[fruitybread]

DS is 17 months, and has always BF-ed easily and happily (and a lot). Of the other babies in his 'peer group', he's the one who until yesterday was still feeding the most and the most frequently. I was just feeding on demand and he still fed a couple of times during the night. I was wondering how (and if ever) he would stop BF-ing.

The night before last, as I was feeding him before bed, he bit my nipple a few times - sort of slid his mouth round and bit with his molars, and it bloody hurt. I yelped and got him off by sliding a finger into his mouth and sort of levering him off. I said 'no biting' and he shook his head and got upset, and then didn't want to go back on the boob. And hasn't been back since. He's been alright otherwise - not ill, not off food, in a fairly good mood etc - but if I offer my breast, he shakes his head and pushes me away - and won't take it when he's upset, which is VERY unusual. He's always used boob for comfort.

I don't know what to do. In an ideal world I would want him to self wean gradually, for both of our sakes. There are some things I enjoy about BF-ing... the closeness and how easy it is to comfort him (and keep him quiet for a bit) but I wouldn't mind stopping. I've had ten bouts of mastitis since he was born, and could do without another. So, I'm wondering if we should go cold turkey - or if I should try and get him feeding again, and then just see what happens next. Or if I just see if he asks again, and if he does, let him feed?

Anyone else had similar experience?

Hi fruitybread

Would it be reasonable to say that you had stopping in your sights but didn't want it to be like this? Would, say, another couple of (nice, non-bity!) feeds with him then stopping help you to transition do you think? If that's the case, you go back to some bfing basics like getting into the bath with him, skin to skin and see if that closeness and access tempts him. Or you could offer when he's very sleepy and forgets that he's (temporarily or otherwise) given it up! Also, letting him see other babies or toddlers feed might make him want to give it another try.

Alternatively, if you're feeling at peace with him stopping, you could take the 'don't offer don't refuse' approach to child-led weaning and just see what happens.

It does sound like a nursing strike (they can often happen around teething) and if you do want to stop then now is the ideal time as a striking child might never ask again if you avoid his familiar nursing positions/situations.

On the other hand if you do want to go on for a bit longer then it is possible to get striking children back to nursing. Even if you do get DS to stop striking and continue nursing you can still do mother-led weaning if you want at a later date. Luckily bfing is not all or nothing .

Lots of info here though some is for much younger babies so not all will apply to your toddler.

You can always phone one of the breastfeeding helplines to talk through things if you are feeling conflicted or not sure of which way would be best for you or DS.

What ever you decide I hope all goes well.

Many thanks for responses. Well - I went for a policy of plenty of cuddles and offering boob as a polite suggestion now and then -

And he wasn't having it at all. He hasn't BF-ed since Friday night, and as it is now Tuesday afternoon, I suppose I'll keep offering every so often, but he really is adamant. He is otherwise happy and well and still being very affectionate around me! But my boob monster has gone to boob refusenik overnight.

Mij, you were right in that I was thinking about stopping but didn't want to do it like this - I'm surprised at how upset I am. I have to keep reminding myself that I was starting to despair at how I was ever going to get him to stop, and had been looking forward to the freedom of not BF-ing....But I felt like it really had become a way of expressing so much between us. Such an easy way of comforting him, and if he'd been away from me for a couple of hours, he'd hop onto the boob as a way of reconnecting and saying hello... And it reassured me so much when he was a bit poorly, that he was getting some food and antibodies etxc. And so on.

Anyway, thanks for the responses. I guess we are now weaned.

I hope I am not speaking out of turn as you sound like you miss bfing and I don't know if that is you missing it with relief (sort of 'I'm glad we did it but I'm thankful it's in the past) or if you are missing bfing and would want to continue if possible.

Okay here goes - I have had strikes last 2 weeks (it's not uncommon for strikes to last 3 weeks) - DD1 & DD2 both went on a strike at the same time - DD2 was about 18m & DD1 was just over 3 (looking back it was probably just the beginning of the end for DD1 as she self weaned a few months later). They started back nursing after 2 weeks of low key offering (and a lot of heartache on my part over the abrupt stop), for me I was glad I kept offering as DD2 is now at the point of self weaning at 4.0y and it got her through a long bout of arthritis when she was 3.

I guess what I am saying is that if you want to keep trying you can, but if you don't then look back with love over the past 17m as you did a great job.

truthsweet, I'm confused myself!

I think I will keep low key offering - it can't do any harm (though what do your boobs do if they have been redundant for over a week?? When do they stop producing milk?). I dread not having the option of comforting boob feeds when DS is next ill - and I think I would find a gradual waning of interest much easier than this sudden stop.

It's so ironic - I found BF-ing so overwhelming and knackering when DS was small, I couldn't wait to stop - I remember promising myself around 3 weeks that the minute he hit 6 weeks, I was buying formula and giving up this EBF lark. Then it all got easier, and then it got good and now I'm feeling really very sad at this sudden stopping. Nothing's simple, is it!

Well, you quite far into lactating to be honest so supply will be fairly unshakable. It might take a bit of work to get back to where you were but in no way would it be like you stopped feeding a 17w baby for a week.

If you keep it low key - skin to skin snuggles in bed when your DS is feeling sleepy, nice bath together, cuddle up reading a book together/singing a song and just try offering then rather than sitting down in the usual bfing spot with the nursing pillow and bra undone. I found the less like bfing it was the more responsive they were (iyswim!) and I wasn't so worried about it.

fruitybread just popped in from the other thread, but can't add anything to truthsweet's advice, I'm sorry, other than to re-iterate what she says that nursing strikes can last quite a long time so do keep persevering in the low-key sort of way. I guess, looking at the fact that babies can have a week of teething soreness in one go, that you can see why a strike caused by teething might last a while.

If you want to you could express and give him the milk in a cup so at least he's getting breastmilk, and it will help not only your supply (which as TS says should be fine anyway) but will help avoid the risk of blocked ducts.

Let us know how you get on. My first weaned at 15 months quite abruptly and I assumed it was self weaning (which looking back it wasn't) and I remember how awful I felt, despite getting to the point of feeling ready to stop (mostly due to Ex-h's nasty bitty-style comments ). So lots of sympathy and some understanding of the mixed feelings this all brings.

A quick update - despite low key offering and lots of cuddles and closeness, DS hasn't boob-fed since last Friday (so over a week now) -

He will cuddle up to me the way he did for a feed, and rest his head on my breast (and shove his hand down my top and fiddle with my bra while he's watching tv) but has no interest whatsoever in the nipple or feeding.

I've expressed 3 times, and he has drunk bm very enthusiastically from a beaker and straw, so that's something. I will keep offering, but the last time I pumped (today), I got about 60 mls worth, which is nothing for me! I know people say expressing is no indication of supply, but I've always found expressing easy and never had any supply problems, so I was quite surprised to see how little was there.

One thing I want to say in case someone finds this thread via google or whatever - I felt VERY low this last week, in a way which seemed sort of disproportionate to what was going on. I know some of this must be down to all the feelings about DS stopping BF-ing (although in some ways I was looking forward to it) - but each time I expressed, I felt SO much better and happier. I honestly think my body went into shock a bit - I had a baby who fed a LOT for 16 odd months, who then stopped dead, and without being melodramatic or silly, I really think my body was at best confused, and at worst! in mourning somehow. Expressing seemed to help those feelings a lot, more than I thought it would.

Anyway - if Ds suddenly decides he does want to feed or anything else happens, I'll come back and update. I am very grateful for the support and advice here.

Oh I am so pleased to find this thread tonight. My 10.5m old has abruptly decided to stop feeding and just bites me if I offer a boob. He feeds in the morning and evening for about 5 mins each side and has been getting more distracted and uninterested in the last few weeks. I have tried expressing (haven't done it for months) and only got off about 1oz. Am thinking he has decided he doesn't want to bf anymore. I am so sad, I can't believe it. He refuses any other type of milk in a beaker or bottle which is why I continued bfing. If I can't express any off I'm worried about how he will get enough dairy in his diet.
Sorry for rambly post- just pleased to find someone going through the same thing.

Clareanna - At 10.5m that is definitely a nursing strike (though for what reason I don't know). Babies need milk so if they are refusing to bf (and haven't gone on strike as they have developed a preference for beakers/bottles/cups) then illness, teething, fright whilst bfing (e.g. loud bang), pregnancy (some babies go off the taste of milk when their mum is pg), ear infections are some of the most common culprits for setting a strike off.

Lots of information on nursing strikes and how to end them here.

Hope you find something that works soon.

fruitybread - I'm sorry that your DS hasn't yet starting nursing but I hope you take comfort in how long you did nurse him for. That is a real achievement

Feeling very low is one of the documented down sides to abrupt weaning (who ever does the weaning or for whatever reason) and in fact scientists have linked this to grieving behaviour in other higher order mammals (apes/chimps/etc) so you feeling like you are in mourning is a normal behaviour/feeling and nothing to be worried about. It will ease off but be gentle on yourself and give yourself time to heal. I