Please can someone help, really need some support

[ImNotAnsweringIt]

ds2 is 24 weeks and ebf. He has woken every 2 hours most nights from birth, and appears to be in discomfort from his stomach at these times. I usually feed him back to sleep.

A paed dietician suspects cmp allergy and I have cut it out of my diet, which is tough with a family to cook for and as a veggie. However, happy to try.

Dietician is keen for him to have solids too but EVERY time I have tried he is awake for hours that night. Yesterday he had really runny baby rice made with (cmp free) breast milk, at 10am. Have been up most of the night

Been dairy free for 5 days now and he has done the occasional 3-4 hour block of sleep (7-11 or 12) at night, eczema seems a bit better too. Not been advised to stop soya, should I?

So many people are telling me to give him firms, I am so, so exhausted and miserable.

Co sleeping doesn't work as I can't sleep and he sleeps on his front so I am not happy about his safety on mattress (too soft).

I am stressed about him not eating. I know 6 months is the guidance, think dietician has me worried. Should I get vitin drops for him?

Overall I just hate this. Have to get up and take ds1 to school in 2 hours. My nipples are so sore as I am just
trying to feed him back to sleep and he keeps writhing around and pulling on and off.

I know there is something wrong, just want it sorted now. Since he was born it has been so difficult. I am not depressed (somehow!) just exhausted and fed up!

He is very farty during the night when he has had the slightest bit of food.

It feels such a mess. Sorry for the ramble, not sure what anyone can do but feel better for writing it all out and he is settled and feeding now

Not sure what I am asking really just feel at the end of my tether with relentless exhaustion and nothing works.

Not firms, formula!

Well it'll take 3-4week's for you to be completly clear of diary I belive, so if you've already seen some improvent I'd keep at it for now.

Would it be presicption formula I take it then. You may have problems getting an older baby to take this if he's not had it before I belive they don't tast that nice. Your milk is by far the best thing for him.

Have you posted in allergy's I'm sure there would be some more nollagle mum's who mite be able to give you some more support and info.

Thanks for replying. I am determined not to use formula, just finding it hard that people seem to think I should/it would be easier etc. I have DH's total support in BF, and my mum's but other than that feel no one really understands how stupid it would be to switch to formula in the misguided hope it would somehow make things easier!

I just feel a bit bleak at the moment, due to tiredness. I know I need to keep going, it just felt really good to get it all out last night! Thanks again.

Hi OP, I just wanted to say that it sounds like you're doing all of the right things .

It's so difficult when you're exhausted and trying to get to the bottom of a baby-dietary problem. You'll get there, it sounds like going dairy-free might be beginning to help, so stick at it.

Just ignore those who seem to think that giving formula is some sort of magical solution to everything, and do whatever you're happy to do.

I can't really help, but I hope cutting dairy out of your diet is the solution for you. I think I have read it can take up to 6 weeks to completely make a difference, so hang on in there!

I think it's hard for some people who didn't/don't mind giving formula to understand when someone doesn't want to. FWIW, those I know who have used to formula to try and help get more sleep haven't found it made any difference.

Good luck.

Thanks, I think I just need people to tell me I am doing well

Spoke to hv today who said "he really needs to be having solids by now". I'm trying! She also said me being vegetarian and now dairy free means my milk won't be any good. Anyone?? I am taking calcium, vit D and A as advised, plus a mutivit, and trying to eat loads of calories and good food.

Why wouldn't your milk be good without dairy? All the other mammals don't drink milk while making milk - we don't need to!

The HV sounds bonkers.

Mums who live on MacDonalds and Coke make fine milk.

Dear oh dear.....OP, can you get a better HV?

Why on earth would your milk not be as good as anyone else's?

She either i) thinks you are unique in medical history or ii) does not understand much about bf

Hmmmmm.....wonder which it is???

Good, thank you. I can see you are right now I think about it, just not feeling very rational right now.

Yeah, that HVs just proven herself useless! [onfused]

Persevere with the dairy free, here's a link to the Vegan Society's Animal Free Shopper to help in case you've not seen it before.

Another thing you can try if you haven't already is raise the head end of his cot. We used these and think they helped a lot with what we suspected was a touch of silent reflux.

Sleep deprivation is horrible, you have all my sympathy!

Thanks for the links. I just re-read my op and am surprised anyone answered; it doesn't make much sense! I was sobbing and snotting and exhausted and desperate!

He hasn't had any solids today and I have the number of a lactation consultant to call tomorrow so things feel less bleak right now. I need to stop stressing about solids don't I? I got some vitamin drops today so feel a bit less concerned about him. I just want him to be well (and to be able to start really enjoying him).

"She also said me being vegetarian and now dairy free means my milk won't be any good."

Utter, utter, utter tripe :( Definately a health visitor to avoid.

Solids - well - baby-led weaned babies sometimes eat virtually nothing for their first 12 months and they are absolutely fine. You've only just started weaning - it's quite normal for them to eat virtually nothing. It's not normal for them to react like that, though.

You could give vitamin drops if you want to, if it makes you feel better, and some babies benefit from a bit of vitamin D, especially in the winter, but that's no different for you than anyone else.

Formula is, of course, cow's milk based so if he's reacting to formula it's the worst thing for someone to suggest. Cow's milk-free formula tastes foul and is the milk of last resort for babies who are not breastfed and cannot tolerate cow's milk formula and simply have no other option at all.

Some babies who can't tolerate cow's milk also have problems with soya so it's well worth considering getting rid of it as well.

That pulling around at your nipples and writhing around is just awful isn't it. :( It doesn't matter how commited you are to BFing, that's a real hard thing to deal with. I think just because we desperately want to BF it doesn't always make it fun. So much for extended BFing all being for the mother .

How do you feel about the paed dietician? If you felt that they were a professional that you trusted, would it be worth another appointment to talk about weaning options? Sounds like there are some food intolerances other than just cow's milk going on with the reactions he's having, poor mite :(

OP I just wanted to say that my son took a looong time to get into solids - he was 15 months before he actually started eating and swallowing any amount of stuff. Everyone around me was reassuring me that he looked healthy - skin, hair etc and was developing well, just a bit skinny. Now he's started eating he's still skinny btw.

So really at 6 months there is no rush. The odd lick is fine to begin with. Have you thought of offering finger foods so he can go at his own pace - sticks of raw / steamed / roasted veg or fruit? Avacado is a good one as it has so many brill things in it. I used one of these to make it easier for him to pick up.

Hope you get some decent help with the other stuff, your HV sounds clueless.

hi, just want to say that i went dairy free in response my ds1 developing severe eczema aged 11.5 mths - in fact we excluded dairy, soya and wheat at first and after a month reintroduced wheat then soya then dairy and discovered ds1 cannot tolerate yoghurt or cows milk - his body reacted to them with an eczema flareup that lasted about 2 weeks. He was ebf and blw and never ate much food until he was 2. His eczema disappeared after 6 months after treatment by a homeopath and we kept off the yog/milk. I am still bfing him at 3.3 yrs and he's still sensitive to yog/milk. We were so desperate to cure him of the eczema we went private and saw a top doc re eczema, he point blank said it was not ds's diet so not to exclude things, he was totally wrong.

we are also veggies and it was tough to exclude all those food groups, I lost a stone in a month, as I could only think of rice cakes and hummus to eat, but gradually we got into the swing of it and found lots of substitutes. So do persevere with the dairy exclusion, hopefully this will help his discomfort. I was sceptical about what I ate going through the milk to ds1 but it seems to be the case; if the taste of food goes through, I guess some of the molecules must go through.

good luck, I really feel for you re the sleep deprivation, ds1 was a terrible sleeper, not related to his diet/eczema and woke 5 times a night until he was 9.5mths and I discovered dummies!!

I have no idea if I am doing the right thing but I just keep feeding him, every two hours, all night. He feeds for about half an hour so I get maybe an hour, though cant get to sleep in that time.

If I don't feed he cries, how on earth do I know what is hunger/stomach ache/comfort feeding or what is now habit which I could start 'training'.

I don't know what to do but actually feel like just leaving him crying as I cannot function this had gone on so long. Ds1 is missing out on having a happy mum and I feel utterly mad with sleep deprivation.

Every night I feel optimistic it might be better. Every night I go to sleep about 8.30 and he wakes me by 10.30 latest. My night is a series if naps of less than 2 hours and has been for 6 months!

Ds1 was not like this, what have I done and what the hell do I do?

Can't help much but can say:
1 - ignore hv sounds like a silly one
2 - keep bf up don't worry about your diet
3 - congratulations on baby..you are doing well if you are anxious and tired all the time, well done!
4 - it will get easier, they switch into sleep mode after a growth spurt!

I did BLW with DS2 and he really didn't get
much more than the odd suck of mushy veg for the first few months - nothing that would have provided much nutrition - so don't worry about weaning until you've worked out the cmp allergy issues.

Can you express and get DH to help with some of the night time? If it is comfort he is after maybe DH can provide that in other ways? A paci? Rocking?

Once you have seen some improvement from going dairy free maybe you can try sleep training? Not necessarily CIO but maybe the baby whisperer route?

Hang in there.

Thank you, 2 wake-up's later and a bit calmer! Yes, would never do CIO but it feels such an utter mess right now that I cant see how it will settle down even if/when I 'know' he is feeling well, iyswim.

I am anxious about seeing hv today as feel I will be critisced for all this constant feeding.

Morning, why are you seeing the hv?
Also, how's his weight?

That's why, to weigh him! I think they'll tell me I shouldn't keep feeding him in the night and generally make me feel even more shitty. This is so different to ds1!

They are all different, even if just a little bit. Maybe you've had two extreams but you are not doing anything wrong at all. Your meeting his needs by feeding on demand.

I remeber some time ago a group of us mum's having a discusion about what we would have done differenlty with our first if we had know better. One said that they would not have pussed their little girl to eat solids which was what the HV where saying to do. It made her a very fussy eater and she didn't really eat much untill 12months dispite them cutting back milk feeds. They felt they had just made her go hungary for no reasion because that's what they had been told to do.

Some BF baby's don't eat much before 12months. I got the impression from my HV that they get to six months and they suddenly exprect them to be on 3meals a day, that's really not how it works it's a gradual process.

I did read somewhere that often baby's who have allergies will take solids latter. Have you had a good read hear www.kellymom.com/nutrition/solids/index.html there is info on cows milk protine intolerance as well.

Good luck for today.

My advice then would be to get him weighed, tell them everything is fine and leave.
It is entirely normal for babies to feed in the night, why HVs try and tell us it's not is beyond me. I suspect they worry they'd be out of a job if we weren't worried about something.

If your first wasn't like this of course it feels unmanageable.
My first was like this and yes, it's bloody awful, but it ends.
My terrible sleeper sleeps through the night no problem now. And all the stressing didn't help me get there.
Cutting dairy and raising the head of the bed and putting an extra layer on him for bed did help.

The one thing I ensured I had in place for DD after the experience last time was a bedside cot, as I didn't want to co-sleep, but getting out of bed to DS constantly was tiring and I worried about dropping him.
Most cots it should be possible to take one of the sides off and pull it right up to your side of the bed. Just plug the gap on the other side of the cot mattress with rolled up towels. It's so much easier, wish I'd done it last time.

I had something similar (although nowhere near as serious) with DS. He had a difficult time sleeping due to mild reflux and has a milk protein allergy. He didn't take to solids until he was 9 months old. He was breast fed until then. He's a healthy, active little boy with staggering amounts of energy.

I'm vegetarian too and went dairy free for a while - my breast milk was fine. Your health visitor is talking utter bollocks.

BTW DS has only seen a paediatrician (normal in the Belgian system) who said it's completely normal for babies to take their time adapting to solids. He also suggested raising the head of DS's mattress or putting him to sleep in his car seat!

Make an appointment with your GP. If your DS has an allergy they can prescribe you some Aptimil Pepti which is for allergic babies. Apparently it tastes disgusting though!

Have only had time to skim read all the posts, so forgive me if I've missed something, but I would definitely recommend cutting out soy as well for a week or so to see if it helps. I noticed a huge improvement in my DS's symptoms (which seemed similar to yours) within 48 hours of eliminating soy from my diet. In retrospect I think the soy was actually causing more problems than the dairy - I noticed that when I cut out dairy he actually got WORSE, because I accidentally increased soy to compensate.

I agree that it's tough to start with - I'm a vegetarian too, and no dairy/no soy is quite a challenge. I've been doing it for 4 weeks now though and am finding it surprisingly ok. You just have to check the ingredients of everything carefully as soy turns up in a lot of surprising things (bread! crisps! biscuits!)!

I think it's a good plan to get him weighed then just go. Tell them anything you like if you're worried about being criticised - but at 24 weeks I'd be worried about not feeding him in the night.

(Although that's different to the constant waking which while normal is absolutely devastatingly exhausting).