Help for first time Mum on the edge!!!!

[baffledbutsmiling]

Apologies if this is rambling and unclear, but am exhausted and emotional so please be patient!!!
DD is nearly 6 weeks and EBD. She is gaining weight and doing well but this week we seem to have got ourselves into a hellish pattern and I don't know how to break it.

She has become very fractious in the evenings and anything other than constant feeding results in lots of tears. She will not be comforted in any other way and won't take a dummy. I cannot bring myself to allow such a young baby to work herself up into a state when I know feeding will prevent this.
My first problem with this is that I don't know when to switch sides. If the majority of the feeding is about comfort rather than hunger, I feel like I am using up all the milk she will need later when she is legitimately hungry.
Secondly, she gets very windy and uncomfortable and this can lead to her getting very upset and then she will only be comforted by more feeding which obviously exacerbates the wind problem!! She screams blue murder if I try to wind her during a feed. And so it goes on and on through the night resulting in no sleep for either of us. (Hence the timing of this message!!)
I would really appreciate any help or advice.

Try White noise to calm her. Extractor fan, hair dryer etc.
We have found that works All else fails.

Also google Harvey karp.

Also when she comes off one side naturally offer next side if possible or start with that side next time.

Firstly - 6 weeks is a bugger of a growth spurt. It tends to be a week to ten days long, so you're nearly there. You're doing great. Keep going.
Your milk is on a constant demand and supply loop, so don't worry about the milk being "gone". Babies are also very clever, and can alter how they are sucking to match what they need.
Wind wise - it may be worth just having your latch checked, to make sure she is on 100%, as that can affect the trapped air. Also try feeding her as straight, flat and upright as possible. And really, the best thing for wind tends to be a bit more breastmilk, so don't worry about winding during feeds.
As for switching sides, I thing this varies from mum to mum. Some prefer to use one side per feed, others prefer to use both. I guess if she has been on one side for a while and gets a little restless, offer the second side. Then next feed offer the second side first. Does that make sense as a suggestion?

Lots of good suggestions here :)

You are right: why (on earth) would it be a good idea to allow a young baby to work herself up into a state of distress when feeding will meet her needs?

I am not sure why you think she is windy - in fact I am regularly puzzled on mumsnet how mothers know a baby 'has wind'.

A baby showing signs of being uncomfortable (which is so often interpreted as 'wind' in this culture) behaves the same way as a baby showing signs of wanting to feed - and if feeding helps with this behaviour, then feed her. I don't know why feeding would make a baby more windy - babies take in air when they cry, anyway.

I do think some babies do get troubled by air in the tum - just as adults can. But how anyone knows for certain when this bothers babies before other things have been ruled out is a mystery to me :)

Also make sure you eat to keep producing milk. It won't be forever. Go with it.

Tigresswoods - happily, while mothers need to eat to keep themselves healthy and functioning, the amount/quality/regularity of their eating has no impact on bf. Bf happens perfectly well regardless (unless the mother is severely undernourished over a long period of time).

Oh you poor thing. I think I started a thread with the exact same title about ten weeks ago so I feel your pain! I have to be honest and say I never quite found a 'solution'. DS still does a lot of crying every evening and is a very bad sleeper overnight. However... he got to be MUCH more fun during the day (lots of smiles, brilliant giggles, etc) so I kind of 'forgive' him the night-times ('forgive' isn't quite the right word as obviously he hasn't done anything wrong but hopefully you see what I mean) He's also got much better at napping and has fallen into a natural 'pattern' so I know when I'll be able to sleep during the day. The other thing that helped was having a total meltdown to DP. He now understands just how tired I am and gets up with LO at 6ish and leaves me in bed for at least an hour and a half to allow me a rest.

If there's a 'next time' I will try swaddling and play white noise before each sleep from birth (I bought a 'hairdryer' sound from itunes for 59p and it has saved my sanity over the last few weeks!) I obviously don't know if that would have worked, but it works very well to calm him now so I suspect it would.

This too will pass, this too will pass, this too will pass...

Ah yes I'm in the midst of this - well on day 4 with DC2!!

I've found that DD gets naturally sleepy at around 6-6.30pm so after a feed, when we're winding down for DS, I can put her down for 45 mins after a feed in a dim room which calms her down (did the same with DS). then we keep lights low and when she wakes I'll feed her if she is asking (rooting around etc).

In the night, I get confused about wind vs hunger - I kept trying to wind because I forgot that babies really can want a feed every hour! I would wind once she'd calmed down and came off naturally - and would get burps (she'd wriggle and out they come). DS had issues with wind/reflux so I'm a bit paranoid about that.

As for switching sides - I always let DD feed until she comes offby herself. If she wants more I'll keep her in position and she might root again. But on the whole she doesn't want both sides in one session. Same with DS - he was a one boob per feed. I do have an over supply problem anyway so usually feed one side two feeds in a row unless a growth spurt.

Huge thanks for the advice, support and the acknowledgement that the newborn stage is effing hard!

It's bloody hard - I am still trying to block it out! It started getting easier for me at 10 weeks, and definitely better by 15 weeks if that's any help. Most of my NCT group found it got better by 8 weeks - 12 weeks.

Hang in there. I am no longer tied to the sofa for hours every evening, and haven't had any marathon all-night feeds for months (DD 5.5 months)

Hang in there - you're doing everything right by the sound of it. Babies often need to feed a lot during the evening and growth spurts can be extra hard, but they only last a few days and the only way to deal with it is to give them what they need and try to rest and hydrate yourself as best you can the rest of the time. Try to nap during the day when she naps and ask for and accept help if it's offered with household chores. Is it hard, but you're doing great

tictoc seriously?! I always found my EBF was more content following a feed where I'd had a proper meal shortly before

I was ravenous when BFing & have never lost weight so quickly & am a good healthy eater.

I'm not saying if you don't eat you don't produce milk or anything, just that everyone will be happier & healthier if the one producing the milk is happy & healthy.

They have compared milk produced by well off Europeans (Swedes I think) and women who had limited diets, although not actually starving, in erm an African country

Tigresswoods - that might have been down to the amount of oxytocin in your body (you produce oxytocin when eating esp. in company of family/friends and when full as well as during bfing) so it may be the happy, content full feeling lead to more oxytocin which helped either baby by more oxytocin in the milk (making her feel full and blissed out) or by you being relaxed and this helped the bfing go well.

That's not to say you needed to eat to make milk but that eating helped raise the oxytocin which helped support good bfing. If you were starving and ratty that might have an inhibiting effect on your ability to sit for a full feed . I know when I was starving and bfing with a newborn DD3 I would get up and raid the fridge whilst still bfing. With DD1 I hadn't mastered the art of bfing & walking so would sit there silently willing her to finish so I could eat and sometimes would take her off when I felt she had had enough so I could run for some crisps fruit only to need to feed her again as soon as I got back.

Just a theory not a fully backed up by 10 studies kind of theory though