Cold-Turkey weaning - I don't want to do it, but can't see any other way. Please help.

[BrokenBananaMeltdown]

Hi, I'm really a bit stuck. My DS has just turned 2 and we've BF from day one and co-slept from about 3 months. This has all worked very well, and I'm so happy we've made it this far...

However, my periods returned about four months ago, and with them I've been getting monthly migraines that are so, so incapacitating. I'm a SAHM with no relatives or good friends nearby who are able to drop everything and come and help. At the peak of my last migraine, I was lying on the bathroom floor with DS acting VERY concerned for someone his age, and I realised I had to do something about it. My GP's offered me the same medication as my mum takes, which has worked very well for her and our migraines follow very similar patterns. Of course, as you've probably guessed, this medication is incompatible with breastfeeding.

To be honest, I've also felt 'ready' to stop breastfeeding for about 4 months or so, and at times -when I've been tired and irritable anyway- his twiddling and night feeding have felt a bit too much.

So, I've been trying to 'cut down', with the idea of starting on the medication at the end of this month. This just isn't working. He's boob-mad. Last week I made the decision that from this morning, we'd go 'cold-turkey' for the week. This morning, I just couldn't do it when her came to me and said 'Mummy Cuddle Boo'. We snuggled up and I fed him, and I welled up at the thought of ever having to stop. I'm crying now just thinking about it.

I know this isn't a life-or-death situation, and I'm sorry if this all sounds very melodramatic, but I feel really stuck. Any suggestions? I've tried so many other 'cures' for migraines that I really want to try this medication, but I hate to deny my DS something that gives him so much comfort. What do I do?

Sorry about how long this is!

Most medications have not been licenced for use during breast feeding. This is because the studies needed in order to do so can e prohibitively expensive (for the ridiculously rich pharmaceutical companies). That said, many drugs can be used safely during breast feeding and if not there are usually good alternatives available. Why don't you give Wendy at the BfN Drugline a ring for truly informed advice.

You can then wean in a way that you are more comfortable with, rather than feel forced into it

Thanks so much for that. I'll give her a ring right now.

Hopefully the drugline will have good news for you and you can then carry on feeding or cut down gently in your own time. If it turns out you really do have to stop now what worked for me and for a friend was telling our dcs that the milk was all gone. I suppose it being "all gone" was something they could understand and it seemed logical rather than mummy just saying "no". Both cried a bit the first night/day and then were absolutely fine with it.

I syperthis, as when I have periods I have migraines to. If they are hormonal then conctracption can help control them. You possibly want to try something that stop's your periods. Some of the mini pill do and so people find the Mirina coil works to.

Just though I meation it.

Hmm... so, the migraine drug has a very long half life which I've learnt means it can build up in the infant's body. It also does enter the milk in fairly large quantities. No side effects have been reported in nursing infants, but as it concentrates in the milk, there's no way my GP would prescribe it to me whilst I'm still nursing, and I wouldn't feel comfortable taking it anyway.

Thanks again, though, TheRealMJB - I've learnt a lot about drugs and breastfeeding this afternoon, and can hopefully put this knowledge to good use at some other time.

Indith - that males sense. I've tried telling him before that my boos were sleeping, but he wasn't having any of it! I'll certainly try your trick if it comes to it. Can I ask how old your child and your friend's child were at the time? How long did it take for them to stop asking, and how long before the milk dried up?

MigGril - I'm sorry to hear you also suffer from migraines. Thank you for the advice. Funnily enough, the last time I was on the pill, it made my migraines worse, but I'll certainly look into other types.
I guess the reason I'm so keen to try this one medication is that it's worked wonders for my mum and our migraines are very similar (I know who to blame for this particular inheritance).

Dd was about 22 months. Friend's boy a little younger. I stopped as I just couldn't take it any more. She was fairly distractable anyway during the day but she fed at least 10 times a night. First night she cried for around half an hour or so 2/3 times while I held her hand (I admit, it was horrible) but that was it, she talked about it being all gone but didn't ask again. She is about to turn 3 and still mentions it being all gone if she sees me naked . I'm pg at the moment and she has designs on my right breast once they start making milk again. Apparently my friend's boy cried for 40 mins going to bed but then was fine.

Milk drying up took a while. It was uncomfortable for a few days but nothing like when you get engorged as the milk comes in, after that I don't know really, every so often I had a tweak in the shower out of curiosity, I think I stopped getting drops of milk after a few months.

Glad you got detailed information, at least you know for certain you are making the decision based on facts.

I know what you mean about not being able to take it any more. That's the funny thing - there have been times I've felt really, really done with BF, but then the thought of giving him his 'last feed' was just too much for me today. Mondays are pretty much the only mornings we're at home, so maybe as we're out at playgroup tomorrow (where he's always far too busy to even notice whether or not I'm in the room) it'll be easier.

What you describe doesn't sound too bad at all, and probably easier for DS to deal with than a puking and incoherent mother once a month...

And congratulations on your pregnancy!
Was the right breast always her favourite? DS loves my left side more.

Glad you had a chat with Wendy and that you ot's helped you. Sometimes I feel that understanding why you have to do something helps make the decision easier.

Good luck

No! For months I had to feed on the left in the day and the right at night because she could only be duped into feeding from it when half asleep. It will be interesting to see if she does try to feed once the baby comes. Ds sort of did when she was born but he was giggling to much to latch on .

Stopping feeding is a funny thing isn't it, you can really know that you are done with it and it isn't working for you but the thought of a last feed or of stopping before your child is ready is a hard one. Ds self weaned very early, I feel guilty I didn't feed him for longer even though I had nothing to do with his stopping . Dd it was me who instigated the stop because it was affecting my mental health so of course I feel guilty she didn't get the chance to self wean. Can't win!

Not really answering your post directly but I saw The Food Hospital a few weeks ago and a boy suffered from severe migraines and they managed to get rid of them by removing certain foods from his diet ( don't remember them all but citrus fruit was one trigger ). Have you tried anything like that? It would mean being able to keep bfing.

TheRealMJB - you're right - it's much clearer now.

Indith - it sounds like you have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about but you feel guilty anyway because it's part of the job description of being a mum, isn't it? You should of course be proud that you breastfed both your babies, but motherhood doesn't seem to work like that, does it?

Lost - thanks you. There are some foods that I know are triggers for me. Orange juice is the worst offender, and I pretty much steer clear of all citrus fruit. I also have to be careful not to eat too much chocolate and never, ever drink red wine. Making these changes to my diet has reduced my migraines, but now I'm getting them like clock-work for the 3 days before I get my period, so these monthly migraines are triggered by hormones.

Yup, constant guilt. Ah well.

Hope things go well for you, monthly migraines doesn't really seem like something you can carry on with.

DS is 3.2 and I think I could probably wean quite easily if I wanted to at this point. I moved him into his own bed at just after 2 (he kept stealing my covers!) and within a few months he was sleeping through and only having milk morning and night. By the time he was 3 he was so active during the day he barely asked for it, so most of the time it was morning and night. If I get up before him in the morning he doesn't think to ask for milk because it's not the usual pattern of him climbing into bed and snuggling in. Similarly, if I pretend to be asleep (or am asleep!) or I am out, or ill, he will go to bed quite happily for DP without any milk at all. So it would be fairly easy for me to wean if I wanted to, because generally milk only happens in a particular setting or situation and by avoiding that situation DS doesn't think to ask for milk.

If you're not at this point, you could perhaps engineer it - make a new thing that you only ever breastfeed in a particular room or chair, don't make a big issue of it, just every time he asks, scoop him up and go and cuddle up in the chair together. And if you're already sitting in the chair then it's fair game. After a few weeks of this, start trying distraction techniques if you're not already sitting in the chair, and hopefully he will come to realise that he can have milk if you're in the chair, and not if you're not. And then reduce the time you sit in the chair - get it down to twice a day, or once, and then just start to avoid the chair altogether.

I think the night feeds are the ones you will probably find the most difficult, because it's easy, he's right there and it's almost unconscious, and it's impossible to distract them when they're sleepy so you feel really mean denying them! There are two ways you could deal with this - move him to his own bed, and hope that he starts to sleep through, or use Dr Jay Gordon's nightweaning method (google it). I suppose it depends on whether you need it to happen ASAP or whether you could cope for a few more months knowing the end is in sight. Do you have a DP/DH who can help out with the night time stuff? I think it would really help to have someone else on board.

Re the night weaning. We used Dr Jay's method and it worked really quickly. DS was 18 mo at the time and still feeding 3/4 times at night. I was pregnant and starting
resent him. 3 nights and without too much fuss and he was weaned from night feeds.