Ok I'm going back in the closet!

[Knackeredmother]

I'm still feeding ds 23 months. Have had a few negative experiences from other mums who are frankly horrified but have had some good support on here.
Was put last night with some very good, old friends. One took me aside to tell me how her and her husband find it so weird that I feed ds and that they are worried about how I am 'keeping him a baby'.
I trotted out the usual WHO guideline stuff but was met with the response that I am just feeding for my own benefit.
I the end I basically just told her to mind her own business. This friend is a trained nursery nurse and nanny with over 15 years experience and 2 dc of her own.
It made me so sad and I think will probably have a negative effect on our longstanding friendship.
Anyway, I've decided that's it. I'm back in the closet and will tell people he's stopped feeding if asked. That's really sad isn't it?

If they ask tell them you are still feeding him, it's none of their bussiness I wouldn't lie about it.

Don't tell people he's stopped feeding, your doing really well and should be so proud! Don't let shallow people bring you down, people who haven't bf fully don't understand. Perhaps she could be jealous? I don't see why she would bring it up at all to be honest. I don't see how its keeping him a baby at all either. Tbh my ds is 1 next week and I'm a bit worried about feeding him in public now he's a toddler but if people font like it it's their fault. keep up the great work !!

23 months?! He is a baby!!!

I still people I am nursing DD2 & DD3 who are 4y & 2.2y!! I am usually past caring what uninformed people think though it does hurt if close friends comment on it.

23m seems young to me to not be nursed if the mum & baby both want to continue.

Oh I'm sorry you had that response OP.

My DD is only 19 months, but people have been surprised I'm still feeding her since she was about 6 months old. And I'm 20 weeks pregnant which also shocks people. To be honest I only tell people I'm still feeding her if they ask directly and I do downplay it. Which I know I shouldn't but it's hard when you feel so marginalised.

For what it's worth I always aimed to feed till at least two but I'm not sure I'll get there as DD seems to be weaning due to my lack of supply. And I'm sad that we won't make what I consider to be the minimum aim.

I think you are fab for 'still' nursing. And as we all know there's no way to make a baby/toddler feed if they don't want to.

I got the same for bf ds recently he's only 15 mo. TBH we tend to feed morning and nights now so operate a don't ask don't tell system. It is a bit sad though.

I can't believe a friend would take you aside to have a word about anything you do with your child, short of actual out-of-control abuse or similar. FFS, I'd have been really mad with her. I find it really bizarre the way everybody thinks the social pressure is to breastfeed but the real pressure is to stop at an "appropriate" time which is somewhere between 6 weeks and 6 months.
You are doing a lovely job; you are not alone; it is none of anybody else's business; as you very rightly say you are still well within the WHO guidelines although even if you weren't, what would it have to do with her?
I wouldn't tell people he has stopped if they ask but in you position (and hey, I am in your position: still feeding DD3 who is also 23 months :) ) I wouldn't mention it unless they ask. Which they mostly don't because they assume i must have stopped.

She took you aside to say she is worried about your parenting because you bf an under 2! How horrible for you. I would bombard her email with links to La Leche, Kellymom and WHO (for her professional development ). Just because its not what she did doesn't make it wrong.

Ds is 17 months and I constantly get asked when I will give up. I do feel like a freak sometimes, even though bf rates are really high here.

Thing is if we all hide it, it will always seem not normal.

WHO guidelines are until two and as long as mother and child want to carry on afterwards - so we are all still within guidelines!

thanks for all the supportive responses - I know I'm doing the right thing by bf but its good to have a place to vent on here.
TBH I think a lot of the 'talk' stemmed from the fact I wasn't drinking as much as everyone else and she felt that bf was curtailing my social life!

DS is 23 months, our latest feed was at 0515 this morning ( and I'm 17 weeks pregnant). You're not alone! I get some raised eyebrows if people ask but that's their problem. I think that most people just aren't that well informed about how long breastfeeding can naturally go on for.

TBH, if one of my longstanding friends pulled me across in the way that yours has, I think that sadly it would cause issues in our relationship as well. Your relationship with your DC is so much more important though.

Sending you hugs x

Oh that is another bugbear of mine - the pressure to "get back to normal". There is no normal...or rather, normal has changed. I can't imagine failing to get plastered is something you are going to look back on your deathbed and regret :)

:(

Frankly it is none of their business (and IMO, slightly 'weird' that they want to take you aside and discuss it with you).

I wouldn't lie about it, but I rarely deliberately raise the issue. However, 23 m.o. DS bf's in public several times a day though so I don't have to tell people I'm doing it! Thankfully I've hardly had any negative comments, and I can talk about the beneficial effect on his eczema which is a tangible benefit that has convinced my parents it's a good idea for me to 'still' be bf'ing.

How awful for you. To be honest, most of my pre-kids close friends have no clue I'm still feeding DS (23 months) as we've moved from SA. I don't really want to tell them as I'm petrified of their responses BUT my best friend (who is childless and not a 'breastfeeder' pleasantly surprised me when I 'confessed' that I was still feeding him)

It is hard facing censure from close friends but of it makes you feel better, they are the I uninformed, incorrect ones and you are doing the right thing responding to your DS's needs.

A friend just "confided" she is still bfeeding her 2.5 year old. I think she is beginning to feel others think it's odd. She does say it is partly for her own benefit though.

my baby is only 10weeks old....

already i have been asked (by so many friends and most family members) how long i plan to BF for.... and i answer the same to everyone... WHO advise not stopping until at least 2 years, so therefor, at this moment in time, i have no intention of stopping before then.

I hope in a couple of years, it will then not be a shock or surprise that i am "still" BFing as they will be expecting it

nannyl I get asked too and answer in a similar way, so everyone who knows me knows my intentions.

How bloody rude of your friend, OP I have never had any responses like this (DD1 is 3.1yo) but if I did then I think I would tell them to go fuck themselves ask for some scientific evidence to back up their opinion because there's plenty of evidence to back up extended BF.

It's great that you've got the confidence to not let it affect your BF relationship with your DS :)

She had no right to say anything to you it is none of her business.

As for not drinking much, even if not bfing I would not drink much as I would still have a toddler to look after the next day.

How rude! I find my friends are amazed I'm still feeding a 15mo old but I just laugh now and tell them he's a boob fiend of the highest proportion and I fully expect to still be feeding him at university. They laugh. I also point out that only BF has let me get even three hours sleep a night because DS is prepared to vomit down himself rather than sleep otherwise and that shuts most people up.

Yes, there have been some negative comments along the way about missing my freedom, but people now seem pretty relaxed about it.

And anyway, I don't shout about it but I won't lie either to anyone - friends or work. Because people do feel they have to lie, it makes it more unusual that you hear about people feeding an older baby. Someone told me recently that I was the last person they would have expected to still be breastfeeding a toddler because I am "not a hippy type".

You don't have to shout but don't lie, OP. If allegedly nobody feeds older toddlers and babies despite the WHO guidelines, then people like us appear even more freaky!

I fed DS1 until 21 months but kept it quiet because I was worried what people would say but now when I mention that I did feed him for so long (he is 2.8 now) i'm met with admiration. It's really bizarre! You have nothing to feel ashamed about but then again, its no one's business so you dont need to tell people that you still feed him

So what if it 'curtails your social life'? If its a 'sacrifice' you're prepared to make for your dc then why should it bother anyone else?

I've had 4 dcs and managed to feed only one of them to 6m. You could say I'm really not v good at all at bf. So I am totally in awe of you and if I was chatting to you and you brought it up I would congratulate you.

I'm sure you will remain an anomaly as bf beyond a few weeks is so unusual in this country but please please don't hide away. It makes me feel sad that there are so many people who feel that feeding their babies (as your dc still is) the way they were designed to is making a spectacle of themselves (in the eyes of others).

I hope I explained that last bit ok

Honestly I would be seriously thinking about the friendship ? not because of the fact that she commented about the bfing, but the fact that she commented negatively on any aspect of your parenting ? it?s none of her business, unless she suspects abuse.

I wouldn?t dream of commenting upon how any of my friends bring up their children! How rude.

I won?t lie about feeding ds (15m), but I don?t tend to talk about it unless it?s with people I know know already iyswim. It?s wrong though, that we should have to think like that.