Help get my hysterical 15month off my boob!

[RubyrooUK]

warning - a bit long

Hello

I have LOVED breastfeeding my 15mo DS. After a tricky start, it has been incredible for both of us but now I really want to wean him. Why?

I've been back at work full-time for six months. I'm totally exhausted. (Um, I might have posted about his sleeping before....) He won't let anyone else put him to bed and I need to be away occasionally in the evening. I feel stressed every time I have to go out as he is so inconsolable without BF. I really, really want to conceive Baby No 2 and due to my fertility problems, it ain't gonna happen without masses of help.

What's the problem? Well, this kid loves breastfeeding. He has never managed to drop off to sleep without it. He still wakes up every three hours in the night crying for breastfeeding. He WILL NOT allow his father to put him to bed or settle him again.

Tonight, he went to bed at 7:30pm (breastfeed - took 30min to fall asleep). Woke up at 8pm. His dad went to settle him. Hysterical screaming. 8:15, he is sick down himself with distress. Change of clothes. 8:45, choking over and over and wheezing with being hysterical. 9:00 - still screaming. All this time, his dad (who he loves in the day) is cuddling and cuddling, singing gently and he is just going crazy shouting "no no no" and weeping. 9:30, starts retching again because he is so hysterical. Nowhere near sleep. We give up and I resettle him in 10 minutes with a breastfeed.

We have tried the Baby Whisperer to get him to sleep better and I've read the No-Cry Sleep Solution (he is too young to understand her book about giving up breastfeeding and he doesn't respond to this idea of gradually kicking him off the boob earlier and earlier).

I don't want to do Controlled Crying, not when he vomits down himself getting upset. And I find it incredibly hard to listen to him scream for SO LONG. We have just tried two weeks of my husband trying to settle him when he wakes at night rather than breastfeed now and he will cry for up to 4 hours rather go to sleep. My husband ends up crying with exhaustion!

I have asked La Leche League about this and the response was just that he seemed very attached to breastfeeding so perhaps it was too early to wean him and I should just stick to it. Or feed him more in the day so he doesn't want it at night (not possible if you have to work full time!!!!)

I would be happy to keep feeding if he could settle another way from time to time but I have to work occasionally in the evening and that means he will just scream for up to 3 hours for my DH. I just want him to be able to settle for someone but me. He isn't a newborn baby; he is 15 months and his dad is amazing.

He will not take a bottle. He will drink milk from a cup during the day but will not touch a cup at night. If I go out, he just refuses everything after dinner rather than take a bottle or cup. He won't touch a dummy. He has no comfort object (I've tried).

Any advice? Please don't tell me what a crap job I'm doing. He is an amazing, happy, funny little boy who is so, so loving and affectionate and I have loved our breastfeeding time, but at the moment I feel like I want him to have more options to help him sleep without getting sick with distress. Help!

Thanks for the support everyone. I was putting on my top this morning and suddenly DS ran across the room at me lunging with his mouth open. My husband had to sit down because he was laughing so much.

Dozer - you are right about needing a break before you try to deal with fertility issues. It's just that I never dreamed my child would vomit down himself in horror at being denied breastfeeding. So I am hoping he will grow out of it.

Quick update for those of you who ever managed to get beyond my first post....

...the hospital told me that to continue tests into what is wrong with my fertility and why this has occurred (which I really want), I have to wean him as they can't tell what is going on with hormones otherwise.

So, for the last three nights, I have only fed DS at 8pm and 11pm and otherwise he has not fed all night. In a week or so, I'll knock out the 11pm feed.

We decided my DH would sleep with DS in his room beside his bed and settle him each time so feeds were not on offer. So far, DS woke up at 2:45 the first night and cried non-stop while being cuddled till morning with hysterical fury, then a few times each of the second two nights. But not nearly as much or as many fits of high pitched staccato screaming as the first night. It is getting much quicker for his dad to settle him. He still needs his dad to cuddle him pretty much constantly throughout the night or he wakes up but his reaction to his dad is nothing as horrific as the first night or previously.

He has been eating SO much more in the day though (and he was already eating more than any other baby I've met!). So hopefully he is getting used to this new pattern, as he refuses all milk/water in the night still.

Anyway, feeling reasonably positive now and just hoping I can get around the last two feeds over the next few weeks and fully wean him.

I feel a bit sad about it still as I really love seeing the pleasure he gets from BF, but in the last couple of days, he has been reaching out for loads more hugs from his dad (and so far he still gives me plenty of hugs and kisses), so I feel like that helps balance things. So I feel like he is getting more comfort from both of us, not just me, which is nice.

Another boring update awaits if anything else I find mildly interesting ever happens with this saga.....