bf 1 year olds: is it supposed to be this intense? and can you part-wean a baby?

[MamaChocoholic]

my dts are nearly 14mo and currently seem to want to feed all the time. and if one feeds the other wants to join in so I'm spending a lot of the time sat in an uncomfortable position with both boobs hanging out and two babies with less than perfect latches hanging off my mildly sore nipples. it seems almost more intense than the early days.

is this normal? is it a quick phase that will pass? at this age, ds1 was feeding a couple of times a day only, and weaned easily with "don't offer, don't refuse" by 15mo. this time I really wanted to allow them to feed till 2 years, I still do, but I want them to feed less! plus they co sleep from about midnight, allegedly so I can get some sleep and they won't wake dp and ds1, but my teeth are so set on edge by the double feeding right now that I'm not convinced I'm getting much more sleep this way.

dt1 in particular is very clingy, screams if I leave the room even if she's with dp, and asks for milk very regularly. if I try and distract instead she has a complete meltdown (I think she's going to have pretty explosive tantrums when we get there) including banging her head against walls or floor which dt2 then copies. is it possible to part-wean, ie feed less often, or to a timetable? how do you go about it with babies who are so attached to bf? I could cope with a few times a day and perhaps twice a night, but right now it feels constant.

I'm sorry to hear about your situation, but I do understand.
I never had to deal with twins, but I too found that my DD was too intense in her feeding at 13 months. That's what prompted me to wean her completely.

One thing you could do it wean them at night.
It might help you to feel better about things if you weren't up half the night feeding them both and could get some more sleep.
They will feed at night for as long as you'll let them, but you could start to wean them off it.
Personally, I stopped allowing night feeds for DD at 9 months. She cried for 3 nights, and I simply cuddled her back to sleep. It wasn't fun for that long, but after that she no longer asked for night feeds. She wanted them for comfort, but she was big enough to make it through the night without feeding by then. Once I weaned her we both slept better.
However, we weren't co-sleeping, which might make the job harder for you.

With regards to daytime feeds, have you tried offering alternatives? Try to preempt the requests for a feed with something else. If you think they'll be getting hungry soon, offer a snack. If you think they might be thirsty, offer a drink. If they'll be tired, try to get them down for a nap or take them for a drive/walk etc to get them down. If they need a cuddle, read a book with them on your lap. etc.

I hope this helps.

Thanks. I don't want to fully wean them, but nice to know I'm not the only one to have felt this way.

They do feed a lot at night, some proper big feeds and some comfort, get-back-to-sleep ones. I worry that they still need those (dt1 is still tiny, 8kg), but perhaps I do need to think about night weaning. Not entirely sure they would be prepared to be cuddled back to sleep, but I could be nearby and offer cuddles. Did she start sleeping through once you night weaned?

Fantastic that you've got this far mamaC

Is this article about regression useful?

Night weaning didn't stop night wakings for my DS. He's just in a big bed at 2years old and seems to be waking more than ever.

If you can hang in there, things will surely settle down at some point, fingers crossed.

I'm bf my 13 mo and recently read these Kellymom articles:

Are you feeling overwhelmed by your child's intense needs?

Breastfeeding your toddler, what to expect

I found them really useful, I hope you do too :)

At about that age I had had enough with my ds's night feeds and constant sucking through the night, so I decided to night wean him. It took two attemots to get it done, and we have gone back and forth to get through illness, but it was worth it - he started to sleep much longer periouds of time at night, even 10 hours on some occasions!!!

I followed Dr Jay Gordon's nightweaning method, which is well suppoted here on mumsnet.

Hi. I breastfed my twins till 20months. There was a time around 15months when they went a bit crazy bf'ing but it was because we were on holiday and they didn't like the food, so basically had milk for 3 weeks. I lost quite a lot of weight!!! (bonus!). But they never wanted to feed at the same time (I don't think), or if they did then I told whoever was 'second' to wait a bit.

Have you tried getting more food in them? I got to the point after this hol when they were around 16months, where I fed them only in the morning, and before bed. The rest of their meals were snacks and a drink. Then I cut down to just bedtime for a couple of months and they went straight to breaskfast in the morning. They seemed to wean without much difficulty. I was worried about ds2 as he was the most attached to the boobs, but he seemed ok with this slow cutting down. A few days after I stopped and I was in a lot of pain, I offered him a boob to drain it (after some good advice on here) and he didn't want it. Dd took it and relieved me, thankfully. And after that I didn't feed anymore. Good luck with it all!!!

Oh yes, my twins got used to sleeping with me/ us through the first couple of years (they are now 3) and still come into our bed at some point in the night (I don't wake up anymore, but when I do wake up, there they are!).

PS. I'm not sure what 8kgs is on the centiles. From memory it doesn't sound that bad. My dd was on the 2nd centile for a while, despite being born on the 25th, but they didn't get too concerned and she has gone back to 9th now (or the last time she was weighed at her 2yr check )

Yes, I was going to post about the 55 week developmental leap too, but crikey beat me to it. It's really common for babies to want to bf loads then, and to be 'clingy, cranky and crying' during this period.

If it's that, then it should calm down a bit at least once the developmental leap is past (it's about 55 weeks from the EDD not the birth date). You can read about sleep regressions more generally here.

I've attempted night weaning twice - the first time it stopped the wakings, the second time it didn't.

Have to confess that I have learnt everything I know about regressions from you though AngelDog

cb that article sounds very familiar, right down to the recent tummy bug! so perhaps this bit is a regression. if so, how long will it last?

also interested in the Jay Gordon method of night weaning. will read up on it and may give it a go over xmas when I am off work. at least if I could sleep in a bed with dp for most of the night instead of a mattress on the floor with two babies across me, I might feel a bit more tolerant of all the daytime touching.

to respond to the questions, dt1 is about 9th centile (which seems odd because I'm 6' tall) but both have been newly eating lots of food the last few days and dt1 is finally growing out of 6-9 month clothes! I don't think all the feeding is out of hunger though, some of it is comfort/habit.

I remember DS suddenly feeding like a newborn again at just over a year old. Distraction, other foods/drinks helped...also he would toddle over as soon as I sat down, so not sitting down helped

As he understood more, I would explain where and when he could feed, and by about 2 yrs, I explained that he would only be able to have milk at bedtime and in the morning.

We carried on until he was 3 years old.

Yes TR, they are on top of me if I sit down. but standing up they cling to my legs going "brrp brrp brrp" and making milk signs! not sure which is worse better. good to hear this is just another phase, which will pass.

Crikey, I'd feel smug, except that half of what I learnt about regressions, I learnt from DS. I'm pretty sure we're in the middle of one now at nearly 23 m.o. as he was waking once, then slept through a couple of times, now is waking about 5 or 6 times again.

Anyway, OP, you can read more about the developmental leap here.

I'm not saying it'll happen for you, but my DS went from 3-5 wakings to just one after the 13 month sleep regression. I didn't do anything different.

I do think how much they feed varies a LOT according to the child. DS can understand that I can't give him milk in some places (eg when I'm driving) but that doesn't mean he can cope with waiting. Distraction works - but results in a needing-milk-meltdown once the source of distraction is removed. He feeds about 7 times a day and as often as he wakes at night.

And to answer your question, it should last till they reach about 55 weeks from their EDD.

Have you seen this website before? There is also a book. It might give you some help!

oh we're past 55 weeks ... umm ... ... about 58 weeks? (EDD was 10th Oct). but things do seem to have been better the last two days, they've been eating more food and we've had fewer milk meltdowns. so fingers crossed we're through whatever it was.

they are still waking multiple times at night though

Karen's website is great TS. I had her book too, but I love the photos section on the website for ideas on how to manhandle hold two growing babies.

I had that book . Gave me tons of confidence to bf twins where others didn't. But I only managed to tandem feed a couple of times...felt too weird for me! I can still vividly remember the times...luckily they were both quick feeders. Ahhhh...lovely memories.