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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

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Original poster

First you must breast feed; now you must not

23 replies

OlivesIncubator · 24/11/2011 20:50

I am getting really fed up with people (Mother in Law, Sis in Law, well meaning older friend) asking me if I am going to quit breast feeding my 6.5 week old DD. Yes, I have had a few probs- shredded nipples, mastitis, blocked ducts, refilling pain etc etc etc, but nothing that I am sure every new b.fing mum hasn't experienced. I just find it really weird and annoying that all you hear about is how 'breast is best' and if you aren't doing it you get endless grief (totally unfair in my opinion, but that is another thread...) yet when you do you are (in a very round about way) questioned about when you will stop!!
Has anyone else experienced this??

OP posts:

GloriaTheHighlyFlavouredLady · 24/11/2011 20:52

It's because the ideology is there but not the support.

nethunsreject · 24/11/2011 20:55

Oh yes! In my case from my MIL.

Thing is, after the first 6 weeks, it starts getting better. By 4 mths, it is wonderful! (ime).

Smile and nod and ignore and do your own thing. You're doing what comes naturally. I don't like the Brreast is best message - it is nagging, without offering support. Support is what bfing mums (and all Mums for that matter) need, not 'advice'. Breast is normal!

Well done on gatting through bf boot camp.

Have you a local support group? I found mine very helpful for offloading. And for coffee and cake!

nethunsreject · 24/11/2011 20:56

x post

rather more succinct from gloria!

Sophiesworld · 24/11/2011 20:57

Yes, totally agree with you - I feel like there is far more criticism of bfing mums, whereas it is unacceptable to be critical of ffing mums for fear of sounding smug (not that I would criticise anyone for ffing). For some reason bfing mums seem to be fair game to some people...

nethunsreject · 24/11/2011 20:59

Well, a mother's place is in the wrong you know

PPPop · 24/11/2011 20:59

I just stopped mentioning it. My mil was obviously very freaked out uncomfortable by the whole thing.

oreocrumbs · 24/11/2011 21:02

Totally agree with gloria + nethuns
I got loads of moaning and complaining from PIL including a very helpfull text to my DP saying "Don't you think its time to put a stop to this?" DD was a few weeks old! Grrr. People see the problems mentioned as a sign that bf has failed (even though IME all bf mothers suffer them). People need to learn to back off. You stop when you want, 6 weeks, 6 months whenever.

lurcherlover · 24/11/2011 21:04

If I'm feeding and get asked when I'll stop, my usual answer is "in about ten minutes I expect, if he's not that hungry." Stand your ground OP - you are doing the very best thing for your babe.

If they get persistent, ask them to show you a single article or piece of research recommending switching to FF at six weeks...

RitaMorgan · 24/11/2011 21:04

Tell them you plan to stop when she starts school. That should stop them asking.

LostInTransmogrification · 24/11/2011 21:04

My DM did exactly the same. Just smile and nod, or tell them you have made your decision to bf and you don't want to discuss it further.

BertieBotts · 24/11/2011 21:06

Six weeks?? I was expecting you to say 6 months or a year :(

Sorry you're experiencing this criticism. Do you have any breastfeeding groups near you? They can be wonderful places to go and offload about this kind of thing and come out reassured that you are doing the best thing for your DD (though I'm sure you know that anyway, it's nice to hear it from others too!)

Original poster

OlivesIncubator · 24/11/2011 21:10

I totally agree with you nethuns about the 'breast is best' message. I am really happy that I am doing it, but it hasn't been easy. My little girl ended up in hospital overnight with a catheter in her arm because she vomited a large amount of blood that turned out to come from a damaged vessel in my breast that there was no outward sign of. And I have friends who have virtually starved their babies trying to do the 'right' thing and breast feed.
It is definitely improving for me and I have no plans to quit, but I do question whether breast is best.
I have to add here that I miss typed and the phrase came out 'breast is beast'. Ha!
I have had wonderful support from the breastfeeding network. Lots of home visits and texts to check how we are progressing. Received one tonight in fact, right out of the blue.

OP posts:

GloriaTheHighlyFlavouredLady · 24/11/2011 21:10

I think the best answer I've heard be given to the question 'how long' was:

'until it stops being free'

Which confused the he'll outa the asked.

GloriaTheHighlyFlavouredLady · 24/11/2011 21:11

Asker.

Nagoo · 24/11/2011 21:14

I went to BF group, they were helpful, and it is nice to sit with people who think you are normal :)

And they give you cake.

I'm sorry your family is not supportive of you

SirBoobAlot · 24/11/2011 21:23

I tend to reply "university" or something. Shuts them up quickly.
You're exactly right, you have had a difficult, but reasonably normal start to breastfeeding. You're doing brilliantly! Keep it up.x

nethunsreject · 24/11/2011 21:27

Ah, yes, I am a Bfner too. They have been fabulous. Glad they have helped you too. Keep it up. It really gets lovely as time goes by, is normal, natural, relaxing, free and faff-free. I'm 'still' feeding at 18mths and loving it.

My motto has always been - 'till one of us has had enough'.

nannyl · 24/11/2011 21:50

Im lucky as i havent been asked many times when i plan to stop.... 10 week old baby

but when i am my answer is "WHO reccommends not stopping until 2 years at the earliest, so at the moment i have no intention of stopping before then"

Ironically one of the few people who asked me when i planned to stop was "step -SIL -IL" (asked me while she was BFing her 7m old)...... it was only when i answered my answer that she told me she BF her 6year old until he was 3 years . I think we will get along just fine

nomoremagnolia · 24/11/2011 22:15

On the flip side I was chatting about DS to a colleague today and how he's still bf at 13mo, expecting some 'when are you going to stop?' type question and she told me she bfed her DD until just before she went to school :o

nethunsreject · 25/11/2011 12:59

Ah, yes, it's great when someone asks you because they want to tell you how great it is to feed a bigger one.

A few people have 'come out' to me as full term bfers having seen me feed ds2. It's kinda nice.

TheMitfordsMaid · 25/11/2011 13:03

One of the reasons I carried on feeding DS1 until he self-weaned at just before 3 was because my MIL kept on so much. DS2 is now nearly 3 and I don't think she dares ask any more. It love the fact that he is old enough to tell me how he enjoys it (a lot) and how it tastes (like milk, mummy!)

nethunsreject · 25/11/2011 13:05

Mitford, that is one of my main motivations too!

naturalbaby · 25/11/2011 13:13

why do they reckon you should quit? so long as you and baby are happy, and if not then you would ask for help from someone you believed would help you and support your views.

i find it really frustrating in any aspect of baby/child care - whatever you are doing is wrong or you could do better. my response to most advice and suggestions is "no" and if it's someone i care about then i may explain with a few words why i won't be taking up their suggestion (e.g i'm more than happy the way things are and doing it different would be pointless)

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