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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

Stopped Breastfeeding and feeling guilty

14 replies

IsabelandBigJohn · 23/11/2011 16:51

I was exclusively breastfeeding for the first ten days and my DD was not putting on weight. We were topping up with expressed milk when I could and formula when I couldn't. However DD caught a stomach bug and ended up hospitalised for several days and now my milk has dried up as we were giving her formula to monitor what she was consuming, and the stress and worry did not help.
I am now absolutely racked with guilt, between her not being well and being unable to breastfeed.

Has anyone experienced this guilt, and did it start to affect your relationship with your baby?

Isabel and John

OP posts:
stinkyfluffycat · 23/11/2011 16:59

Please don't feel guilty, her being ill and you net being able to breastfeed are not your fault!

I could be completely and utterly wrong, but I think I've heard somewhere (probably on here) that it can sometimes be possible to get your milk going again? Can you ask your midwife/doctor/health visitor if that's true and if they can help you if it is, if that's what you'd prefer to do? Sorry if I've made that up, hopefully someone more knowledgeable will be along soon, just didn't want to leave you unanswered.

BornSicky · 23/11/2011 17:01

first, you poor thing. how awfully stressful for you all.

i'm afraid i'm not an expert here, but is there any advice from hcps about re-starting your supply? have you asked if it's possible?

also, i'm nine months in to life with my ds and everyday i feel guilty about something. i know feeding methods bf or ff always seem more emotive, but you are doing the best you can for your little one.

crikeybadger · 23/11/2011 17:51

Hi there,

I was wondering about you the other day because you who posted about lack of poo after meconium didn't you?

Sounds like breastfeeding didn't get off to the best start. As others have said, you can relactate if you want to - you might like to speak to one of the breastfeeding helplines about this.

I'm not sure from your post what you want to do though.

LizzieBusy · 23/11/2011 17:53

Don't feel guilty. I had problems with my first and my second was far easier.

Plenty of very healthy, highly successful people were formula fed. Done correctly it will have no negative impact on your child.

pickledparsnip · 23/11/2011 17:56

Poor you, please don't be so hard on yourself . It is possible to relactate, have a look into it.

Original poster
IsabelandBigJohn · 23/11/2011 19:23

I am seeing the health visitor tomorrow, so I will ask her about re-lactating. Between this, the no poo and then her being in hospital we have not had a great start.
Thanks for the replies, I think I just need some other mums advice or to speak too, or even just to vent a wee bit at the moment.
Again many thanks!

OP posts:
BornSicky · 23/11/2011 19:56

if you want to talk to someone this evening, you can always call La Leche League: 0845 120 2918, or have a look on www.kellymom.com for advice.

if it's any comfort, your little one won't remember any of this and the mantra is always: "this too shall pass". the moments slip by so quickly, even the struggles, so please don't feel bad.

crikeybadger · 23/11/2011 20:22

Did you find out the reason for the lack of poo Isabel?- it can be a sign of poor milk intake which could account for the slow weight gain.

Here's the kellymom page on relactation. Articles I've read have said that to relactate in the first couple of weeks after stopping is the easiest. That said it will take some effort and determination to get back to full breastfeeding.

You may find that speaking to one of the breastfeeding helplines is better than your HV unless she is really up on breastfeeding issues.

You'll find the numbers on the right hand side of this blog.

Original poster
IsabelandBigJohn · 23/11/2011 20:48

She eventually did poo over two days, then it all stopped again. Then she became very ill and we took her to the childrens hospital (vomiting and lethargic). The doctors think it could all be linked i.e. low milk supply, mixed feeding, and to top it off a tummy bug. Since coming home from hospital and using the formula she is putting on weight, pooing and seems happy, but still want to give her the best start, which so far has been a bit of a disaster.

OP posts:
bibbitybobbitybloodyaxe · 23/11/2011 20:51

She was incredibly unlucky to get a tummy bug at such a young age Sad.

CaptainMartinCrieff · 23/11/2011 21:09

I'll tell you my story it may/may not help...
My DS was born a lovely healthy weight... I was discharged from hospital and me, DH and DS were left to get on with it. I'm 34 (highly educated) but obviously new nothing about babies Sad... I was breastfeeding (I thought) constantly! DS was never satisfied and constantly crying. Every day the midwife visited, he didn't poo for a whole 6 days his nappies were barely wet and I showed the midwife the dry but yellow/orange powder stains in his nappy... She was unconcerned.

Then a new midwife I hadn't met before came and took me seriously... I really was worried, no poo and very dry nappies and a very unhappy baby. She weighed him and he had lost 16% of his birthweight. We were immediately readmitted to hospital where my DS was put in SCBU with severe dehydration. Sad

My milk hadn't come in, but I didn't know... Having never breastfed before I didn't know what milk coming in would feel like. (I feel like an idiot now but then I really didn't realise).

DS was okay and we started on formula. For the first week after SCBU he was predominantly formula fed but I decided to try breastfeeding again always heavily topped up with formula. It worked! After 14 weeks my DS started refusing his formula top ups and I've breastfed ever since (still feeding him now at 19 months).

The guilt I felt and still feel for starving my baby is deep. I understand how you also feel guilty (feeling guilty is part of being a Mum). You've done your best, if you are determined to breastfeed try what I did and you might get lucky?

Best of luck and congratulations on your baby!

smithster · 23/11/2011 21:16

Please please do not waste your energy feeling guilty, what choice did you have? I had to give up breastfeeding after a month and a lot of pain and bleeding, and I beat myself up over it. DS is 20 months now and fine and I wonder what all the fuss is about. You are not poisoning your child by feeding them formula, it will give them all the nutrition they need, plus by doing 10 days the baby has had the most important stuff, the colostrum. I know it seems like the end of the world now but it really won't matter soon enough. Chin up x

mrsboombastic · 23/11/2011 21:18

Don't feel guilty, if your little one is doing well now then surely that's best. If you really want to bf then good luck but don't feel guilty if you choose not to.

organiccarrotcake · 23/11/2011 22:01

isobel you could, if you wanted, still put your baby to the breast. Something wasn't sorted out at the beginning which is why you were struggling. It is so frustrating that you didn't get that help. It is normal to feel guilty, but of course it's not you that did this, it's the lack of BFing help that led to your baby not getting sufficient milk.

Relactation or mixed feeding is certainly an option if you wish. But even if you don't want to do that, just keeping her close, skin to skin as and when you want to, putting her to the breast if you want to, holding her close as if you were BFing when you bottle feed her. Look into her eyes, stroke her cheek, hold her tiny hand, all the things you'd do when BFing.

Hope you feel better soon, whatever you choose to do. xx

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