Any extended breastfeeders (2 yrs+) ? I desperately need advice.

[itallstartedwithabigbang]

My dd2 recently turned 3 and still breastfeeding.

I would like to have stopped around a year ago but she didn't seem ready so I went with it thinking she would self wean eventually.

Here we are a year later and I am at the end of my tether. I am still feeding her to sleep at night and when she wakes in the morning. She is going through a phase of waking in the night for a feed too.

I just have no idea how to stop. I gently introduced the idea to her that once she was 3 she would be a big girl and not need to bf anymore and she seemed to accept it. I bought her a special toy which she loves but as we got nearer to her birthday she became very distressed about it and when the time came I felt it would be too upsetting for her.

If I refuse to feed her she gets very, very upset and it is impossible to settle her. She cried for nearly an hour the last time I tried and then fell asleep and woke up very distressed soon after.

My older dc has some health issues and needs her sleep. If I go cold turkey with stopping breastfeeding it could mean a lot of broken nights for older dc and I feel it is unfair.

Has anyone any advice or experience of this sort of situation?

No local La Leche where I am and my public health visitor (not in UK) was no use.

Sorry - bad grammar (coffee needs to kick in :o ) but am sure you know what I mean

puffy is he allergic or intolerant? DS is intolerant to dairy although outgrowing it and can now tolerate cheese and yoghurt in small amounts. We give oat milk as no cows milk.

For those who say "just say no" it's not that simple or easy. Otherwise OP would have done that.
FWIW, I didn't just say no, I always put DS off. And I got DH to resettle at night too which really helped.

Completely agree with the "just say no" objections. It was real distress when I said no to ds1.

youngermother1 - tell us how just saying no worked for you. I believe it may work if the child is absolutely ready to stop, but otherwise it is futile unless you are willing to put your child through some awful distress.

And really, as a piece of advice on it's own, without the back up of personal experience from whoever is saying it, it is about the most irritating thing you can say to a mother desperate for her toddler to wean.

Angel I'll look on Amazon for the books you recommended. Thanks

youngermother Thanks for your thoughts but I'm afraid the 'just say no' approach is not relevant here. Breastfeeding is a hugely important part of dd's life. There is a lot of emotional ties to it and it has been her comfort since the first moment I held her. She is a lovely child, well behaved and happy. She is not a child who uses tantrums to get her own way. As mawbroon described it is not a tantrum but very real distress.

I am not sure about offering milk or another drink at night. I think it is the comfort she seeks rather than the milk when she wakes.

I think I need to move towards settling her at night without a breastfeed so that she learns to sleep without it. Also thinking of doing a big room makeover for her and dd1 for Christmas and finish the co-sleeping.

Thanks everyone for listening and giving me good advice and someone to talk to.

I really did feel quite alone in this and was feeling so guilty about wanting to stop.

Have heard of success when you accede to a breastfeed but stick a time limit on it... "yes, but only until I count to 10" for example. Doesn't help with feeding to sleep but might help at other times?

I'm trying to wean my 2.10 yo DD at the moment. DD2 is 6 weeks old so it may not be the best time for weaning but I can't stand it any longer. At the moment, I honestly wish I had switched to FF at 6 months and I'm panicking about feeding DD2 for years and years.

This afternoon I took both girls for a nap DD1 latched on, fed to sleep, my nipple slipped out and woke her so she latched back on. Repeat x 20 until I got so fed up of being pinned down by her I just got up out of bed. Cue huge tantrum from DD1, kicking me, trying to hit DD2. screaming "I want MILK RIGHT NOW". I just sat and cried. I hate it and I never thought I would.

Youngermother1 are you my best friend? She said exactly the same thing to me last weekend. I ignored her.

Op - I don't have any real advice for you but wish you the best of luck. I co-slept with dd until she was 18 months but had to give up as it turned into a milk-fest for her and no sleep for me which defeated the point. At the moment DH goes in to settle her in the night if she wakes and I will go in to feed her if it's 5am or later.

A room makeover might help, can you get her involved in selecting colours/ bedding etc. and make a big thing of being a big girl?

I am exactly in the same position as you OP, the only difference is that my DS is 2.4, but not showing any signs of wanting to stop any time soon. We also co-sleep, he wakes up asking for the breast sometimes several times at night and, if I'm at home it can be all day long. I know that it is for the comfort not the milk.

There are days that i don't mind it, and are others that I'm totally feed up. But it makes him SOOO happy that I always feel guilty when planning to stop.

A few months ago I almost stopped, well I actually did stop for 3 days but got more distressed about it than him and gave in. It all happened as a last minute decision after he bit me, I got very upset and told him, not more boobie, you bit mummy and I'm in pain. It happened when was as I was putting him to bed, after much crying, DS did eventually sleep, he woke up a couple of times wanting to feed and I just reminded him that I was in pain, so I couldn't feed him, after some more fussing and crying he went back to sleep. It went like this for 3 days, but he was looking so sad and kept repeating, that he hurt mummy. I didn't want to end something that has been so special to us like this and told him that although he bit mummy, I was in pain because I fell and hit boobies on the floor.

He didn't quite believe me and kept on saying the same, although he didn't ask for it as much as I thought he would, he looked sad. And I was even more upset than him, when at work I just wanted to go home to be close to ds and reassure him that I still loved him, I even faked being sick so I could go home early. It might just have been the hormones from stopping so suddenly, added to the pain on the breasts.... I GAVE IN, and asked him if he wanted a feed, which he happily took. I could feel that each day was producing less milk and knew that it would soon dry, maybe I did panic. That was not how I want it to end, I just wish he would wean himself, but can't see it happening any time soon.

I know realise that, it's not just him but me. I'm not ready to let go and keep making excuses.