Breast feeding - should I stop bf now or tandem feed?

[Laura032004]

I'm currently 15w pg, and still bf ds who is now 21m - he'll be 2y 3m when the baby is born. He only has one feed a day - at bedtime.

I'm just wondering whether to try and stop this feed before the baby is born - currently he is usually asleep at the end of the feed, so goes into his cot asleep, but I can put him down awake, which just means a few minutes of crying before he goes to sleep.

I'd always planned to stop at around age 2 anyway, but can't decide whenther it is better to do this before the baby arrives, or afterwards.

Any experiences or suggestions?

I think hc on here is tandem feeding. And spidermama has tandem fed as well. Both very happily. Can I also point you to {http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk?topicid=1364&threadid=134850&stamp=060104232846\this} thread? Lots of children tantrum when their sibling is being fed, and tandem feeding is a good way to prevent that.

(I stopped feeding DS1 at 18 months, and had DS2 when he was 3. He has tried to latch on a couple of times, but has forgotten how. I've let him try, as flapping about it all doesn't seem worthwhile.)

Oh, pants. this thread.

I tandem feed... dd 2years 2 months and ds 6 weeks. I like it, we likre it

If you want to stop feeding him, better now than once baby arrives. He will have to deal with the changes in attention a new baby brings and being denied the breast will be difficult. Your milk should reduce naturally about 3 month pregnant stage, so good time to stop now should you decide too.

I have never tandem fed, but from reading what other people have written it seems like a great way to deal with jealousy when the new baby arrives. Plus you can get a rest and maybe even lie down if you can work it so they both feed together.

Your ds may self-wean when the milk changes later in your pregnancy, so I guess that would solve the dilemma.

I know HC (harpsichordcarrier) is busy this morning but I'm sure she'll be around later.

Thanks for all those reponses and thanks for linking to that thread NQC - that was what had prompted me to post. My mum took the same approach when she had my sister (I was nearly three when she was born), she let me have a try at feeding, but apparently I didn't like it any more.

I'm not sure how the jealousy would work, as I don't think I'd be properly tandem feeding. I don't particularly want ds to start having any more feeds than he has now, but obviously if this was a way to cope with any tantrums then it would be worth it. I've got a friend who stopped bf no 2 as no 1 made life very difficult, and I want to avoid this if at all possible.

Tandem feeders past and present - how did the arrival of the new baby affect the feeding frequency of the older child. Do you think it would be possible just to stick to the one feed, or did the older child want to feed every time they saw the baby feeding?

I'm still hoping for the self-weaning I suppose. We had a difficult few weeks at the start of the pg, but they've passed now, and it is a lot less uncomfortable than it was. He has started to say that there is no milk quite quickly after the start of a feed, so maybe it is decreasing now.

hi Laura - sorry I have to take my dd1 to preschool this monring (first day!) but i will happilt answer your questions later on.
feel free to CAT me...
congratulations!
HC

Thanks HC

hi Laura
again congrats at your news.
I am tandem feeding a 2.7 year old and a new born (7 wks old). it has been very successful so far. I still feed dd1 three times (morning, nap, bedtime) though only the morning one is an actua; "feed" I suspect rather than just a comfort habit. I saw no need to stop this before dd2 was born - though I rather expected dd1 might stop of her own accord. She didn't! I think you may have read on the other thread that the taste is supposed to change and indeed my supply stopped for a while when I was pg (mummy! not working!) but dd1 is a presistent little thing and so here we are...
I found that it made the first few days/week of bf dd2 easier. Reduced engorgement, a very plentiful milk supply. Nipple soreness very minimal. I can (and sometimes do) feed them together, but dd1 is old enough to understand that she has to wait while dd1 goes first. (when they feed together dd1 strokes dd2's head which is almost unbearably touching.)
we have had no problems at all with jealousy btw. dd2 is putting on weight like you wouldn't believe.... and it is nice to have the "quiet" time with dd1.
Spidermama mentioned that some poeple find feeding the older one irritating when the new one arrives. I haven't felt this tbh but can imagine it might seem like another demand....
if you want to stop then yes probably the sooner the better. But if you are happy to let him self wean than there is not reason to stop if you don't want to. I would absolutely recommend it, though possibly not in public....
btw EVERY midwife I spoke to said it was not possible to tandem feed and I would have to stop. Tosh.
PS don't want to sound vain but have sprung back to pre pregnancy shape MUCH quicker, which could be coincidence.

HC - many thanks for your detailed reply

That is almost the same age gap that I'm going to have. I can't imagine ds stopping of his own accord - he really likes his 'mummy milk', and TBH I like feeding him and the close time it gives us. I could see him just continuing to feed for comfort, even with little or no milk, but I suppose only time will tell.

I'm hoping that if we do continue that it might be an aid in the early days of feeding. I had bad engorgement / mastitis problems last time, and it would be lovely to have an 'experienced feeder' to help clearing everything down My nipples were terrible as well first time round - even with a perfect latch. In fact, I put my problems with thrush down to the terrible cracking, so anything that might help would be great!

I had a tear in my eye (pg hormones!) at the story of your dd stroking dd2's head. That must be lovely. I can't imagine how I would literally tandem feed, but I suppose it's just another hold to get used to.

I don't really want to add any stress to the situation by stopping now. I think it would be too fresh in his mind by the time the baby comes along anyway for him not to want to have a try again! He has dairy intolerances too, so this is the only form of 'milk' he gets, so no matter how little, it's got to be doing him some good.

Luckily my MW has been quite supportive, and didn't even blink when I told her. She just told me that it was quite possible to tandem feed, so I'm lucky there!

Congrats on the weight loss too! That's fantastic. I wonder how many calories a day in milk you are producing - I know it's wrong, but I love to equate them to chocolate bars!!!!

I echo HC´s comments - and I have also gone back to pre-pregnancy quickly. And my ds has also had fabulous weight gain - my midwife said it was a record!! My midwife also tandem feed till her children want to stop... her dd was 6 years old and her ds is 5 and still breast feed

I started to get mastitis in the first week and dd sorted it out for me immediately by draing the breast. Also no nipple problems or soreness.

Feeding them at the same time is beautiful and full of magic moments.

I think involving your older child(ren) as much as possible is very important, helping with nappies and clothes. Also regular doses of super love and special time keeps my dd happy. It is like she has had a top up of Mummy and feels reassured I still love her and that she is my princess.

hi laura,
lots of echos here today: listen to what hc and papillon say , they helped me out before too! i have been tandemfeeding ds1 (24 months) and ds2 (3 wks) for 3 weeks now, and am loving every minute of it! my ds1 also strokes ds2's hair, and holds his hand. and to my big surprise there's no sign of jealousy at all: ds1 loves his baby brother and is quite willing to share his milksupply.
i do also find i am losing my pregnancy weight v.quickly: gained maybe slightly too much (18kg), but already lost loads (12kg) in those 3 wks. btw my hv also thought i was loopy: she told me to wean off ds1 asap. i am glad i didn't do that (and also glad he didn't self-wean.... i really like the cosy time with my 2 boys, esp. waking up in morning).
good luck, i hope that we can welcome you in the tandem squad in 6 months time!

Thanks for those reponses honneybunny & papillon. I needed to hear lots of stories of two happy children feeding - all I normally hear about the second baby is the jealousy from no. 1

HB - if it's any consolation about your HV, my GP offered (jokingly I hope!) to refer me to the Mental Health team for still feeding ds!!

I really don't want to stop now, as there are times it can be so useful. DS got a bad chest infection before Christmas, and stopped eating for over a week. In the end (he stopped even drinking water) we were up from our normal one feed a day, to demand feeding like having a baby. It was fantastic, and I think the rapid increase in supply might have been helped by the fact I'm pg? Great stuff isn't it

What a lovely thread. You're all fab