Is feeding a big baby harder??

[JAMW]

I am exhausted with my 13/14 week old DS. He woke 7 times between 11:30 and 8 this morning. He literally does not stop eating! His growth spurts are worse, he literally doesn't leave my chest for three days.

I posted in weaning to see if anyone else with big babies had tried early weaning (baby rice maybe) and if it helped. I was just met with abuse that I wouldn't be giving my baby enough calories etc.

My feeling is, what is the difference between breastfeeding with baby rice to keep him full for longer and extra hungry baby formula? Becuase unless I find a solution to keeping him fuller then I'm going to have to make the switch which is something I really don't want to do!

He is extremeley healthy and his weight gain is ridiculous, it's been between 1/2 lb and 1 lb a week! I know that he doesn't need this level of feeds because when DP or my mum have him for a few hours, he doesn't even care about milk! It's just my smell that makes him want it.

The response I got was that the size of the baby doesnt matter - I've got a friend with a baby girl 10 months older than DS who weighs the same. There is no way that he doesn't feed more than she did at his age! My questions are (after this long post) do you think it is harder feeding a big baby? And did anyone think early weaning helped them stick with breastfeeding?

I don't know what would help in your situation but my DS was/is quite big (8lb 13oz at birth, up to 91st centile at 12 months). My impression is that he probably did feed more than other babies but I wouldn't say it was hard (well it was, but not due to his size/appetite). Introducing solids (we did at about 5 motnhs) didn't make any difference to his sleep. Waking that much in the night might not necessarily be hunger.
You've done really well though - impressive weight gain :)

JAMW - it can be very hard with a baby who wants to feed a lot, for sure :(

(By the way, I read your thread - there was nothing abusive on it at all. You asked for information and experiences, and you got it, delivered clearly and supportively - no abuse at all and I think the people who took the time to respond deserve thanks for their input :) )

It's probably not your smell that makes him feed, but his love for you and the fact he wants to be close to you and breastfeeding is a lovely way to express his relationship with you - he knows your face and your voice as well as your smell now (though of course I am sure you smell delightful anyway )

He is too young for solids of any kind - there is plenty of research on this, and it's not just for developing countries. This would be the case if he was ff, too.

Sounds from what you say that the night feeds are the ones that feel hardest for you. Have you thought about managing these so you wake up less and get back to sleep again more quickly? Co-bedding (done safely, natch) is one way mothers make night feeding easier on themselves.

It's no harder feeding a big baby than a small baby, by the way - plenty of small babies need feeding little and very very often. Early weaning onto solids is firmly connected with early weaning from the breast - based on the big UK survey. So giving solids now is likely to curtail your breastfeeding.

Now I hope that's not being abusive :) :)

You did NOT receive abuse on that other thread. People were very kind, sympathetic and supportive. Unless it turned after I posted. A lot of us have been there.

The thing is, it's not about how big a baby is. It's about their appetite and also their comfort. Because as you note your baby doesn't demand so much around others and that's because breastfeeding is about more than the food. They suckle for many, many reasons. It's up to you whether you're happy to allow this to happen. Weaning makes no difference in most cases, in fact in a lot of cases it makes things worse. They generally bf the same amount, you just have to slot in an extra demand on top of it.

Some 'big' babies feed quickly and efficiently, some 'small' babies feed seemingly constantly and people who continue to bf end up with a 'big' baby too but often report that it gets easier as they get older. It's about how they transfer milk, how they seek comfort and their individual needs and personality.

I've been there, dd went from a small to average baby to 25lbs at 6 months on breastmilk alone. Her appetite was voracious. The thing is I have a ds now who is following the same pattern, born small and is gaining huge amounts. But it's easy because I now understand that it's easier to change what I am doing than to force a baby into something it's not ready for. So when I'm reasonably sure he's full to bursting and I need some time to have a bath/workout/whatever, I hand him to dh. And it was hard at first because milk was his primary comfort, but I have another dd who needs my attention too. And slowly but surely, dh has found his own ways to calm and comfort ds so that when he truly wants food, then only me and my breasts will do but otherwise dh can calm him and make him giggle like there's no tomorrow. With dd I just bf without question and dh couldn't calm her down for a very long time.

Some babies are frequent feeders and you can get a sling, ask for help, sod the housework, feed lying down etc. You can do lots of things.

But babies will take the breastmilk they need and no we can't tell you that baby rice will stop this need because it won't. At this age it will just pass straight through, maybe causing a few problems if you're really unlucky.

I do sympathise, honestly. I have been there but it's just the way it is. There's some strange fact about the amount of bm you produce. It doesn't change as much as you'd think, it's more that the specific composition does, your body being pretty clever. But sometimes they take that amount of milk in lots and lots of goes over the day. Sometimes a baby takes it in 5 efficient 'meals'.

Have you thought about expressing? A bottle of formula in an evening if you really need a break?

DD is rather large, at 5.5 months she is now 9.4 kilos and off the (French) scale for weight and on the 97 percentile for height. She has been feeding A LOT, up to 12 times a day, very often for 45 minutes at a time and sometimes for up to 3.5 hours at a time! It's very hard work, but there is light at the end of the tunnel! She got worse during the 4 month growth spurt (I don't even know how often she fed at night, I was totally out of it, I would just stick a boob in her mouth!), but she got much better at 5 months. Feeds are fewer (might go 5 hours at night) and each one is much faster. Overall I only survive the night feeds because we co-sleep and I feed her lying down.

Hang in there if you can. Relax, read books, type on the computer, watch TV and just let him feed. BTW I know what you mean about the smell. DD might have just fed but if she saw/smelt me pumping she would want to feed again!

I know very little about formula, but I would imagine that a baby hungry for breast milk will also be hungry for formula so you would be swapping one long winded feed with another (which also includes making up bottles, sterilising, etc) so you might be better off with bf. As for weaning I think there quite a bit of research on why it is better to try to wait, see kellymom for more info on this.

no, i didn't find it harder feeding a big baby, but then i was realistic about how often a small baby needed feeding iyswim?

i guess i resigned myself to the fact that for the first few months at least I would be tied to my baby, and i was happy with that.

the thing is, the more you feed, the more milk you will make and then his feeding should slow down a little again.
if you start replacing calorie-rich milk for just "filler" then it won't help because he won't gain the weight he needs to be gaining, and your supply will not increase to meet his needs.

having a newborn is hard. having a baby that feeds frequently is even harder, but persoanlly once I accepted that this was the way it was, and that it was easier to change my own pre-conceptions than it was to change my baby it kind of became easier to manage iyswim?

If his weight gain is very high then maybe he is comfort feeding rather than hungry. DD will feed if offered at home but if I'm out and about for the day she has much less. I finally realised it was me that was driving the frequent feeding, not her. Sometimes she was bored or tired, a bottle feeding mum might soothe their baby in other ways but when your breast feeding it can be too easy to offer the boob. That's what I found, any way.

I cosleep too. DS gets free access to the breast all night and during the day while dd is at school. In an evening when I need to help dd with homework/bath/bed, I either stick ds in a sling or if I really need to hand him over and let dh calm him. Actually cosleeping and feeding in the sling are the two major things which allow us to manage a life outside the constant feeding. DS is currently feeding, has been for most of the day, but I've been out for a cuppa with a friend, had lunch, been on MN and read my book.

I know it feels interminable but it's such a brief sneeze of time when you look back. And bfing is about so much more than calorie transfer. I know what a happy, comforting, secure thing it was for dd and now for ds too. It's easy when you're frazzled to start seeing it as a chore and that's a real shame, really hard work too.

You are doing marvellously op. Truly. It's a lot to give of yourself.

his weight gain isn't too high though. there is no rule on weight gain

if he is following (roughly) the same line then that's fine.

breastfed babies also tend to put weight on quickly to start with and then plateau, which the OP's baby may be about to do!

There is nothing wrong with comfort feeding at the breast - it is an excellent part of mothering and an important source of soothing and comfort for a baby.

As babies get older then it's fine to compromise a bit with this, and to guage when the baby will be ok being offered some other form of comfort/other pair of arms/other entertainment, when you need to do something else :)

If it's any help my 98th% monster fed seemingly constantly for the first 4 months, then as he started to show more interest in his surroundings he suddenly learnt to feed a lot quicker! So although he probably fed just as often it took less time so wasn't quite as all consuming as it was earlier on. We managed to hold of weaning until just before 6 months, it didn't make a jot of difference to how much milk he took from me though! Also I had a lot of people tell me I would need to wean him early as he was so big making me feel that my milk would not be enough for him. How did they think he got that big in the first place!
Good luck

Completely agree with that. tiktok. Comfort feeding is not only fine, it's brilliant. And I almost dislike the fact that with ds I sometimes have to curtail it in order to do things with dd. But with a bit of careful watching of cues and some trial and error comforting from dh, we've worked out ways of snatching those feeding free moments with no tears from ds.

My ds1 was 8lb 12 at birth but 9lb at 5 days old and fed pretty much every 3 hours from very young. He took 1hr-45mins in the beginning but very quickly was down to 10mins on each side at each feed. He was above the 98th centile until he was 2. I didn't wean him until 23 weeks (and only because I was returning to work and wanted to start him on purees so I was doing it and not someone else). He only ever woke once a night and slept through from 14 weeks!

My ds2 was 9lb 2 but very quickly settled on the 75th centile and fed much more often woke more often at night for feeds, continued to do so until 7 months and cluster fed in the evenings for what felt like a lifetime! He was satisfied with food and not keen to wean at all and didn't drop milk feeds anywhere near as quickly as ds1.

So no I didn't find that the bigger of the two (although not by birth weight) fed more often. I am a firm believer in demand feeding and that breast milk is enough if you feed them when they ask and stimulate your supply. I have not comfort fed though, I can totally see how lovely it is but can also see how it's draining. I went back to work full time when ds1 was 6 months so I didn't want him to bf for comfort as I couldn't bear the thought of him not being able to settle without me. I was childminding by the time I had ds2 and had 3 weeks off and with 4 children under 5 every day it was not practical for me.

I had a very big baby who slept through with one expressed feed from 11 weeks. I'm not sure it's about size really - especially when you consider that being both too big and too small are given as reasons why babies feed a lot. How many feeds are you doing in the day?

I've been told the exact opposite. Small babies need to feed a lot because their stomach is smaller so they can't hold enough milk to sleep through the night. Is the 11:30 to 8 through the night? Or during the day? If it's during the day, and you says he doesn't feed as much with your mum or your partner, can you try distracting in other ways? It doesn't seem like he's actually hungry, just wanting comfort from you. Have you tried a dummy or take him out for a walk? Or go to a baby group. Just somewhere offering a lot to watch. Also, once they became aware of their surroundings around 4+ months, you will find they became too distracted to want to feed.

If it's the evening, it sounds like he's not sleeping through any sleep cycle. (It's about 40min a cycle). Have a look at Elizabeth Pantley's No Cry Sleep Solution. She has some methods on getting the baby to sleep better. Iirc, it's mainly to get your baby to get into the cot awake, and not completely asleep at the boob at that age. I've used it to get DD to get into the cot awake, which is very useful for night feeds!

JAMW I think you need to stop thinking about him being a demanding feeder because he is big, its just how he his.

I had 2 big babies, both EBF and massive off the charts and they fed lots and lots and lots.
A close friend has had a teeny, petite DD, only in size 6-9 month clothes at 15 months old and she was just the same, fed all the time and for hours at a time. The only way she didn't go insane was to massively increase the calories she was eating and co-sleeping so she could drift off whilst baby fed at night.

With my big babies people said what you are saying 'oh, they are just so big they need to feed all the time'. With my friend they said 'oh, its because she is so small she just needs to feed all the time'.

What I'm trying to say is that all the problems you feel you are having you could be having with a smaller baby. BF a baby is hard work, I think that is underestimated sometimes. From your other thread you describe his feeding as 'At night it's every hour, and during the day it's every hour and a half - 2 hours'. I know that is a lot, but I think its still normal, its at the upper end of normal but still normal. That's not to say its easy, I know its not, I remember it well but try to stop seeing him as a big baby and just see him as your baby that wants feeding.

I don't know if it is harder but DS2 was over 10lb at birth and he was always feeding. He seemed to be much hungrier than DS1 ever was.

Now at almost 3 and still on the 97th centile line he is still always hungry.

Bless you though - it's fucking hard. Are you sleeping when he's sleeping - is your DH doing the housework etc?

*JAMW - what do you think? :)

(hope you are not going to say people have been abusive again!)

My son was fairly average at birth7 lbs 8 oz, 21 inchesand is now 13.3 lbs and 25.5 inches at three months. He has a monster appetite, and though fairly long, is quite average, weight-wise. I remember keeping a breastfeeding diary when he was born, and soon dispensed with the thing after a couple of weeks. Some nights he's up to feed once, others three or four times, and I reckon he packs in about fourteen feedings a day. I attended a breastfeeding clinic, to make sure he was getting enough, and he took 4.5 oz in twelve minutes, so lord only knows how much he eats per day. It can be disheartening, especially when I hear of babies the same age sleeping twelve hours/going four hours between feeds, but he takes after me--lanky, with a voracious appetite, and lousy sleep tendencies :o

Hi JAMW I really feel for you, it is exhausting and both physically and mentally draining isn't it!

My ds was born 7lbs 1/2oz, lost loads in his first week then fed like a deamon for the next 7 weeks and jumped 3 centiles.

If you feel that ds is comfort sucking rather than feeding and that it is exhausting you have you tried a dummy? My ds has had one since 5 weeks and its made a world of difference to us. Your ds comfort sucking on you is fine if you have the energy for it, but if you need a break then dummies are really helpful in my experience.

Do you already combination feed? Adding one or two bottles of formula a day has also really helped give me a break and helped me persist with bfing, but it didn't affect how long my ds went between feeds I'm afraid.

You have done so well to get this far, I'm sure you will find a way through!

I don't think baby size makes much difference. My DS is only a month old but was 9lb 4 at birth and has put on a pound a week.

By some miracle he manages to do this only feeding for 20 mins every 3 or 4 hours. After DD who was a challenging baby, I keep pinching myself wondering whether DS really can be that easy a baby. He must just be a very efficient and focussed feeder - indeed when I watch him he really concentrates and does a couple of sucks every second so he must really get it down him.

I dont think weaning will help - a few spoons of baby rice and carrot puree are not as filling as milk.

He may be using you for comfort - have you thought about using a dummy? We give my DS a dummy when it is clear he has had a good old feed but just wants to suck to drop off to sleep. He is very clear about when he is happy to have it and when he isn't. If he is still hungry he won't take the dummy.

My DD had a dummy from slightly later (she was a very sucky baby) and we agonised about whether it was OK or not and whether she would never talk. She is actually a brilliant talker, and you can use the dummy only a certain special times once they get older and need it less to settle.

JamW... i know this reply may come too late but better than never. i just want to say congratulations on your efforts so far whether you decided to go back to breastfeeding alone or not, the journey is never an easy one especially with so little researched information out there for big babies and mothers who are willing to exclusively breastfeed for the first 6 months or so. i have a 7 month baby born 11lb3 exclusively breastfed with steady healthy growth rates. He started having his first tastes of solids around 6 months and 2 weeks, and has been thriving. i can say every mama and her baby has different needs but remember as big as calves get, they only feed on their cows milk until ready to eat grass. i would suggest doing your own research and acquiring enough knowledge on the subject and follow your mama instincts. Peace to you mama.