Baby was SCREAMING HYSTERICALLY in the pram so I thought I'd take her into the parent and child room in Boots to give her a feed. We get into the room and there are two smiley mothers quietly bottle feeding on chairs. I whip out my boob and try to latch baby on - she arches her back and continues to SCREAM!!!! The screaming goes on and on echoing off the walls while I try and shove said boob into her mouth begging her to feed - arching/screaming continues. I am now so HOT and my cheeks are BRIGHT RED under the gaze of the two bottle-feeding mums with their nice babies, I am sure I feel 8 eyes boring into me wondering why I am suffocating my poor baby who clearly doesn't want my dreadful milk. So I stand up and walk up and down the room with arching/screaming monster, giving everyone an eyeful of my horrific jelly belly and naked breast. I beg and plead with infant to latch on and shut the fuck up. Screaming continues. I remove baby from breast and baby is instantly calm and happy and cooing at the other mothers/well-behaved babies. I am now half-naked and bright red. Mother1 says "Ooh isn't she tiny" which - of course I am now totally paranoid - I hear as "Your shit milk is starving her" and then baby starts crying again so I attempt latch-on and another 10 minutes of arching/screaming. I am now so hot and sweaty. Then I make small talk with my own three-year-old: "Ooh look there's a bottle warmer like the one your Barbie's got" - FUCK now I've said THE WRONG THING and the other mums will hate me and my stupid breast is waving around in the air with the arching/starving monster hollering again. So it's now been 20 minutes and I decide to give this up as a bad job and attempt to bundle baby in pram, but then I'm stuck because I can't reverse past the other mums 4X4 buggies so I cause an enormous scene while saying "I'm terribly sorry" about 500 times before I finally leave the place into the COOL AIR with now mysteriously happy baby.
I MUCH preferred it when I just went to work during the week.