Feeling tearfull about stopping, have I done the right thing.

[paranoidandroidwreckmyownlife]

DD is 18m and we have such a lovely bond. She has 2 feeds a day 1st thing in morning then nurses to sleep at night. We've been wanting to try to get her to learn to settle on her own so I tried to give up BF. Last night was the first night that she's not nursed to sleep or been in the car so nodded off.
I could have cried, she looked so lost and didn't know what to do with herself. She normally always falls asleep in my arms but was confused about being in nursing position so kept switching from cuddling me to lying in bedside cot and watching her light show. Offered her a bottle, but due to Reflux and CMP intollerance issues, she hates her Neocate, even with choc crusha syrup.
I'm really struggling with worries that it will affect our bond, but also know that i keep wanting to eat stuff that she has problems with so BF might be unsettling her, to make it worse she slept really well last night, so maybe it was good for her.
Tearfull here, need someone to hold my hand over this. I gave her a quick sneaky feed this morning. Should I carry on with the weaning or keep feeding and sod the self settling thing, It took an hour and a half last night as opposed to 15m nursing, then my cuddling her as she drifts off.

I remember being quite upset that dd didn't seem to notice the first day age had no bf, was it all worth it? Why did I bother? Etc etc then one day months later, she launched herself at me when I was getting dressed after a shower

It won't affect your bond, it can be strange for both of you but if now is the time to move then it's right for her too.

If you're not ready and she might not be ready, just keep feeding her. It sounds really tough for you to stop so perhaps you'll feel happier if you just carry on?

I know it's hard not being able to eat what you want because it might upset your DD's tummy. Perhaps if you do go on feeding her, make a big list of what you'd like once you've stopped.

If she settles much quicker when you're feeding her, then I think it clearly makes her feel safe, so it's a good thing you've been able to give her that comfort and security for so long.

My DD is 2.8 and bf no longer sends her to sleep. So you're lucky because you have a special power for getting an early night. Just because Your DD happens to sleep better lat night it doesn't mean that it's because of the lack of bf.

On the other hand, if you think it really has been long enough, then stop. You've done a brilliant job to keep going for this long.

I don't think it'll harm your bond either, you've built up a very strong bond by feeding her for 18 months. If you stop, just give her extra lots of cuddles and attention. It'll just be slightly different but you can still make her feel loved.

Thanks. Sitting here an emotional confused mess.
I think cos she's my youngest and definitely the last of a big family it's such a milestone. Will just play it by ear the next few days.

18 months is a fantastic achievement :)

What are the reasons that you want to stop? You mentioned self-settling, are you worried that she will always need feeding to sleep? Babies do learn to settle themselves but they all do it at different times and they do not need to be taught. You say "we've" been wanting her to self settle, what are your DP's feelings about BF? Have you had a good chat about it?

A lot of mothers find they feel pressured to stop as their baby gets older so if you do decide to carry on then you might want to seek out extra support from a breastfeeding group.