Breast feeding for survivors of sexual abuse

[what2eatwhenurbored]

Hi this is my first post, hope it works. I've been reading some old threads associated with the title and wanted to start a new one. I am due in 6 weeks, it will be my first baby and I would love to breast feed but I feel terrified of that first moment when the baby tries to latch on, that it will feel unbearable. I'm scared of my breasts being exposed during labour let alone afterwards being grabbed by a well meaning midwife.

I would love to hear from anyone who has battled through this. I know it can be a healing experience for some Mums...using breasts for what they were designed for and it can be wonderful. I like this account (in italics), the woman describes all the sensations I dread but it makes me feel less alone one-of-those-women.blogspot.com/2008/08/breastfeeding-as-survivor-of-sexual.html.

Just to mention that I live in South America so I don't have access to UK services. Any thoughts welcome. Thanks for reading.

I had some anxieties about this & giving birth during my first pregnancy but then I had problems with pregnancy & stress of that made other stuff recede.

I was keen on bf-ing from the health point of view (mother and baby) so I found out a lot beforehand, incl going on a bf workshop before birth, which in hindsight was very valuable. I would recommend this to anyone but even more so to someone with these worries as it will help famialirise you with bf-ing in a positive light,not to mention having an idea of the "technical" knowledge of how it's supposed to work so if you did have any practicial problems you might have an idea of how to approach them (proper latch, supply, etc). Of course you might not have that available to you but maybe there is a local bf group that could be worth visiting before baby is born, or some resources available at hopsital.

Despite doing all that prep I tried not to have expectations that I would be able to or like bf-ing. In the end it was easy for me & I had no emotional issues with it (in fact it helped with having a traumatic birth & looking after baby with no family support, I had moved overseas at 3mth pregnant) , but I did encounter one midwife who did the grabbing thing - this is very common unfortunately & can be shocking to anyone. The hospital I delivered in did ask if I had suffered abuse when booking in as an effort to provide appropriate treatment in this situation but I didn't see any evidence of them having taken it on board, which is a bit galling but I ended up having a very medicalised birth for various issues so that overshadowed everything else.

There is a lot of literature about bf-ing which is interesting to read, not just how to books, which might be worth having a look at it if you have no other means of bf support. Also the main bf-ing organisations have internet forums which could be supportive. Good luck with it!

I was thinking about this last night, strangely enough, as I was wondering about a mother I used to know on another online forum (non-uk) was. She had been seriously assaulted (with out going in to details) and as part of the assault her attacker carved his name onto her chest. IIRC she met her husband after the attack and he had never seen her topless, she showered with a t-shirt on even when alone yet she managed to bf for quite some time (possibly self weaning) using bfing tops to minimise amount of skin showing.

Obviously she is not you and you are not her but it does seem that some SAS don't want their attacker to take yet more things away from them (not saying if a mother can't get that she is in some way colluding with the attacker).

There is an awful lot of literature being written about SAS and bfing now. Some links are here, here, here amongst others.

I really wish you all the very best.

Some good links there for you, OP.

Not sure if this is possible for you where you are, but if you can find a midwife who will listen and who will write something in your notes to prevent the breast handling/grabbing thing....they don't need to go into details, just say 'patient strongly wants hands-off support with breastfeeding'.

Would that be something you could ask for antenatally?

Thank you all very much, very thoughtful and helpful!

I will def. ask my Dr (it's all Dr led here) to make it very clear to Midwives and team. He will be there at the time of delivery so that will help communication a little.

It's daft to think I'm the only the person with these needs but it helps to know there are other women out there with the same concerns.

I really related to what she was saying about the physical sensations too - it isn't always comfortable and loved up. But op its your baby not just same random thing attached to you and you want to the best for them. Ds is a toddler now and you see how happy and relaxed bf makes him I'm so glad I kept going with it.

I would advise anyone having a baby to seek out the breastfeeding support while they are pregnant. Go to a support group meeting if you can. Its scary taking your newborn out and its scary asking for help with something so intimate and so important. Its easier if you are going to a familiar face. La Leche is international and about empowering women through mother to mother support - I swear no-one will touch your breast there. Good breastfeeding support is about helping you to learn how to bf, not someone else sticking the baby on.

Also be firm about what you can tolerate during labour and afterwards. You have a right to dignity so you should ask if you want people to leave the room / draw curtain when you do skin to skin or bfing. If you don't feel confident asserting yourself this is a good job for a birth partner.

Practical stuff: Over sized pyjama top is good to pop the baby inside while keeping you covered. Or lean back and put a blanket / sheet over you both. Also brilliant Mumsnet advice is to wear a stretchy vest under a looser t-shirt - pull the vest down and the t-shirt up over the breast so you don't feel as naked.

Good luck op, its an amazing feeling to look at a 3, 4, 5 month baby and think I did that, all my own work!

Thanks...yes wearing appropriate clothes will help me too, good tips!