Emotional support/hand holding/reassurance needed!

[dribbleface]

Hi,

DS2 is 6 weeks tomorrow, so far breast feeding going well (with a few expected blips), i was very pleased as didn't manage to feed DS1 past 3 weeks due to pain, and PND if i'm honest.

Last few days DS2 hasn't fed well at all, few minutes at the breast, screaming, pulling off etc - have tried winding, switch nursing, different position etc etc. Still no good. To be honest he is not a peaceful nurser at all and never feeds to sleep, feeds are frantic affairs. I'm trying to stay calm, keep offering etc, seeign HV tomorrow and might give LLL helpline a call. he is still producing wet/dirty nappies so muct be getting something.

The problem is my DH, he just is no emotional support at all, all he says is don't get stressed over and over, when all i need is a hug and reassurance i'm doing ok. He never has been good at emotional support to be honest. Came to a head this morning, argued, i cried and still no comfort! He has gone out and i'm sitting here tearful and upset, trying to hide it from DS1 (3years) and dreading the next feed.

Don't think PND is creaping in as i have been great up till now.

Not sure what i want really, just venting helps i guess.

excuse typo's in a rush before DS2 wakes up!

Please find your local La Leche meeting, this is exactly what they are for to provide support and encouragement to bf mothers.

Dh is not good at this type of thing either sadly. Tell him bluntly what you need, ie a hug and telling you are doing ok.

6 weeks is often growth spurt time, have you tried feeding more often? Not feeding to sleep does sound unusual to me (I'm not a bf expert though!) but maybe that is just him. Ds was often thrashy and frantic - is now a fairly manic toddler!

I can totally sympathise as my DH is also rubbish with emotional support. He's fab in every other way, just doesn't get emotions. Having got to know my MIL I can see where he gets it from!! So if I need emotional support I have to be quite clear "I'm feeling really upset about x,y,z I need a hug/sympathy/wine/chocolate.

It's so upsetting when feeding is hard work. Especially when you're not getting the support you'd like.

If you explain how you feel will your OH give you a big hug?

thanks ladies. think i do need to tell other half what i need, but part of me wishes he would just get it! wondering if ds might have reflux will see how tonight goes. will chat with health visitor tomorrow, seeing gp for my 6 week check first thing so might be cheeky and ask him at same time. will also call support lines and see if anyone can come out to support me. all i know is feeding is so distressing for him and me that we need to do something.

I have no other helpful advice, I just wanted to say

big hug you are doing brilliantly!!

thanks. just had another screaming feeding session. have bottle of expressed milk so will give that next feed to see how that goes and see in i can eliminate anything. feeling quite desperate to be honest. just want to breast feed but looking like it's going wrong again.

Please call a helpline, its not going wrong as long as you are getting milk into him. Sorry ds has woken have to go.

Dribble, please do ring a helpline or see if you can get along to a local support group. I can't offer any advice i'm afraid but hope things get better soon.

Thanks ladies and apologies for the dramatic post last night! Feeling more rational today. Well he slept from 9pm - 3am when i woke him and he fed well (maybe because half asleep?). I am seeing health visitor this afternoon and will see how his weight gain is.

Also calling to find details of local group today. Dh and I had a heart to heart last night and i think he understands a bit more (maybe not we will see!)

I am feeling more positive today, we shall see how long that lasts.

Hi dribble - how has it gone today?

hi. thanks for checking. been ok, fed better until 4 then it started again, i think it might just be wind related. still have managed more feed's. he's put on 16.5 ounces in 3 weeks so a little under what his line suggests, but still within normal range. found a local support group through children's centre, will try it when its next on.

That is great, you are really working hard on all fronts, finding support and carrying on with the feeds.

My ds also fed much better when half asleep - I only worked this out when he was a lot older than yours though! Another thing that worked for us if you think its wind is un-latch him after a couple of minutes of feeding and burp him before putting him back on. In a hunger frenzy I think he often gulped a lot of air and then it was uncomfortable while he was having the rest of the feed.

You may just have a live wire like us, he never likes to be still but it is amazingly lovely to see the pride and excitement when he manages a new thing or find a new thing to investigate.

well had a lovely day today. fed well pretty much all day, only few screaming at the breast moments but easily distracted. been feeding on and off since 4 so hopefully making up for last few days.

Dribble - so glad to hear you had a better day yesterday. It's amazing how a few bad days knock your confidence. Now my DS is a bit older (22weeks) I try to look at his feeds over a week rather than take each day in isolation. Not always easy though!

Hope things continue to go well for you - and remind your DH you need hugs daily!