Been told to stop bfing by a peer supporter

[TruthSweet]

but I'm not going to listen!

A 'friend' of mine (fellow peer supporter at the same organisation as I am with & school gate mum [she's also a nurse]) has told me to stop bfing as I am too tired.

I have had an extensive LLETZ procedure done 4 weeks ago, a burst ovarian cyst and a 12 day period recently so nothing that relates to bfing but all fairly draining. I am also suffering from 'low mood'/depression atm (not that she knows though) hence the generalised exhaustion.

I am bfing DD2 who's 3.11y & DD3 who's 2.1y (so not 25 times a day and all night like with a newborn type of bfing).

She told me today I need to stop bfing in her 'medical opinion' as I am too tired. She then turned to another school mum I am friendly with and told her 'She's got to stop bfing it's making her too tired'. Other mum looked shocked (don't know if it's because I am 'still' bfing or what).

I have had a word with our group leader but I'm fed up of being told to stop bfing by people who should know better. Peer supporters are not allowed to give advice let alone tell a mother to not bf (especially in front of her children that can understand what she is saying!).

Rant over

That makes loads of sense - and I have to say my evangelical longterm bf friend also had a dc with particular medical needs. But if you are ill then you can't always put your dc's needs totally ahead of your own. I guess all I'm saying is that your needs should weigh in the balance somewhere - it shouldn't be entirely about your dc. In any case if bf is taking up too much of your energy then your exhaustion is going to impact on your children in one way or another.

But the point is, it's not BFing that's taking up TS's energy!

dearheart - I do appreciate what you are saying and am trying to take it in the spirit it was intended....

However, I am only nursing DD2 for at most 5 mins a day (unless she was having a very rare day with a lot of pain then it might be up to 20mins which might be once every 6 weeks or so).

DD3 nurses for about 10-15mins in the morning (excuse for a lie in otherwise I'd have to get up and start breakfast etc) ad then perhaps 5-10 mins in the afternoon before falling asleep whilst DD2 is at playschool (oh dear I'm now stuck MNing for an hour with a toddler on my lap instead of housework or running around after DD3) then a 5 minute feed at bedtime while DH deals with the other two.

It's hardly tiring me out is it? Or do you think that bfing for less than 3/4 of an hour a day is draining? I used to feed DD1 for upwards of 18 hours a day when she was 2-6m (she had reflux and like to have enough milk in her to make spectacular messes!) and didn't feel this tired.

I do however digest food, my lungs breathe, my heart beats and I regulate my body temperature for 24hrs a day - shall I stop doing one of those normal physiological functions as they must be draining my energy too.....(lactating is a normal physiological function of breasts and a not especially taxing one at that)

I really don't think bfing is impacting on my children either.

Natural term breastfeeding takes up a lot of other people's energy though.

Anything you choose to do out of the ordinary will be blamed for whatever ails you, even if the face of clear and rational evidence otherwise.

I recently got to the point where I was sleeping 11-12 hours a day and was constantly dizzy. Dr did blood tests, but before I got the results back both my mother and grandmother suggested that it was the BFing (DDis2.8) that was making me tired. I was BFing the least I had been in the previous nearly 6 years as DS2 had stopped a couple of months previously.
No, surprises the bloods came back as low iron but they still felt that it was because of BFing. Despite the fact that many women, who are far less well nourished than me, BF for lots longer.
BF always gets the blame. It's not BFing that is tiring it's having small DC.

Truth, this is really interesting to me - and v glad that you are taking my comments the way I intend them.

No it doesn't sound much when you put it like that - and you are obviously the best judge of whether it is more tiring to bf than not to bf. The reason that I think bfing takes up energy is partly my own experience (and god, I did feel so much more energetic once I had stopped even though I was only doing a couple of short feeds a day) and partly because as you are providing nutrients to your child then how can it not?

But I don't mean bfing is always exhausting and therefore you should stop - just that if you are exhausted from illness, excessive bleeding etc it is worth considering whether the benefits outweigh the downsides.

And it does sound like they do for you - and lovely for your dd2. My dd certainly loved bfing - and still talks about it from time to time. But as I work and have low energy anyway I think I would probably have been better off stopping earlier. Hope you feel better soon anyway.