I want to stop BFing my 11MO

[Nagoo]

I've had enough now.

I want to sleep at night, and I know she is waking for the comfort of BF, and I want to break the habit [mean]

I will wait until she is 1, and then put her on cows milk from a cup, which she is already used to having with lunch etc. I CBA to start bottles and formula now, unless someone has a good reason why. She has a reasonable amount of dairy in her diet.

Does anyone have tips on how to stop?

We are down to a feed mid-morning and one at bedtime and every bloody 3 hours at night. After the first night time feed (11pm) she wakes just to be attached to me, but doesn't drink IYSWIM.

I have tried feeding her more in the day, she is just not interested. I can't see a way of night weaning her without that being the end of BF, as I tried to night wean over half term and failed miserably.

I want to sleep. :(

Have you tried co-sleeping? Might just want to be close to you and get it that way

My dd always sleeps better next to me but takes up all the bed!

You do realsie that the end of night feed's doesn't nesarly mean she'll sleep though.

If you have a bad sleeper and she's going to wake up then feeding her back to sleep is the quikest way to achive it.

Why didn't night weaning work?

Oh and yes I just go straight to cows milk in a cup at this age no need to add formula. You need to drop one feed at a time wait at lest 3days some do it slower but just be weary of getting soure and engrosed.

I used to co sleep but I moved her out a while ago as I got less sleep with her in.

I know she wants to be close to me, I am mean. But she is not tiny any more and self settles the rest of the time. If I put her down for a nap she'll settle by the time I get downstairs, but at night......

There's probably little point in starting with bottles now as she could just have milk in a cup (unless you want to give her a bottle).

Do you want to stop Bfing, or stop night feeding? If you stopped night feeding and she slept better would you prefer to keep day feeding or are you ready to quit totally?

Nothing selfish about it. We all need sleep, she doesn't need the milk overnight like a smaller baby would - but she may well still need the comfort and this is where the problem may occur. She may still night wake but not be easily settled.

On the other hand, she may well sleep better. Some do, some don't. There's no easy answer unfortunately.

Dr Sears has a useful page for reducing or cutting out night feeding here: www.askdrsears.com/topics/sleep-problems/night-weaning-12-alternatives-all-night-nurser]

Migril please don't disillusion me, I need to believe that weaning her will work :)

The first two nights of shush and pat she went to sleep in about 30 mins.

After that she grizzled for hours, she just knows that I will give in.

If she's not BF any more then that avenue shuts down. I have it in my head that no more milk means no more waking for milk.

You're not giving in, you're responding to her needs (to be near to you). She's not a baby but she's still teeny, and still needs her mummy.

You can still be there for her without the milk, but taking away the milk may not take away her need for you. Sorry, I'd love to say otherwise, but it's the way it is :(

However, some babies do sleep better when night weaned so it MAY work.

interesting article, thanks.

She is just walking, so maybe it's the developmental leap making her wake more?

I am sorely tempted to chuck her in with daddy while I sleep in the other room, but I don't think he will go for that, he works long hours and I am still on leave for the most part.

It's so frustrating as she self settles most of the time, but not between 10pm and 6am

I don't mind BFing, but I am wondering when it will stop. My DS preferred bottles to me by 10months as I had gone back to work.

I am a bit about BF past 1YO, I don't know how you make the unilateral decision to stop. :(

Stop night feeds first. If you know its only comfort, try to comfort in a different way, cuddle, song etc. As she self settles the rest of the time you know she can do it. No cry sleep solution is a good book for this if you can find in libary.

You know what though if she is just waking for the comfort then she still will wake for the comforst wearther milk or not. Milk for you is just a handy tool to get her back to sleep quiker.

I didn't mean to disalusion you but just make you think about the possibility, if she still wake's will you try CC (I could never do this and would recomend you do a lot of reading before you even try it).

It took me a while to realise with my first that 1 is still very tiny and they still need you during the night sometimes (DR Sears calls it nighttime parenting) and it's just best to do what you can so everyone gets as much sleep as possible.

She also doesn't know you'll give in believe it or not baby's don't have the brain caspasity to get cause and effect untill around 16-18months so she's still just asking for what she feel's she needs. It's really not a battle of will's. It's also quit comman for them to be able to self settle at some times and not at others.

Do some more reading maybe you'll find a compremise you'll be more happy with.

You know what though I like that about the idea of BF past a year with my first.

I think it has something to do with how we see BF in this country and not really how we are biologilcy desgied. Goes to show how socail conditionaing can effect our reations to life situations which I find fasinating.

I fed DD until she was almost 3years and plan on letting DS self wean he's now 1year old.

Obviously, what others posters have said is all true, but I thought you might be interested in my story. I could have written your exact post when my DS was 11mo. I was truly desperate, co-sleeping did not help us and I was running out of ideas, not to mention patience.

So, one night, I fed DS as normal in the evening,put him to bed and when he woke up in the night, DH went in. We didn't see it as controlled crying or anything like that, because DH was always there to comfort him, but I didn't go in. DH offered water and milk in a cup (which DS could drink from, albeit not very enthusiastically - he never took a great deal until I stopped BFing altogethe) so we knew for sure he wasn't hungry or thirsty.

I didn't enjoy that night much and neither did DS, I'm sure, but from that might onwards he slept through. I am well aware than many people do not get such swift results and that night weaning, even if successful, does not necessarily mean sleeping through, but for us it did. After 11 months, he finally slept from 7-6:30!

Furthermore, I continued to BF him for another 2 and a half months - during which time BFing came to its natural end for us, gradually and without any distress on either side.

However, if you really don't want to BF anymore, then 11 months is a jolly good run and you can move onto cow's milk knowing you've done a jolly good job. And hell, if she still wants comfort in the night, at least the comforter won't have to have lactating breasts to do it. She may well still want Mummy, but Daddy will stand much more of a chance of doing it - and you'll stand much more chance of a good night's sleep!

Sorry, that post took a while to write and I hadn't seen quite a few posts, so not all relevant - sorry!

I'd stop the night feeds first too - then decide how you feel about the day feeds. If you know you will give in, can you sleep somewhere else for a couple of nights and leave your DP to deal with all the night wakings? I stopped feeding DS in the night by 8 months and just had DP go to him with cuddles and a cup of water if he woke.

Not that night weaning meant sleeping through though

I'm at exactly this stage. 2 weeks ago DH got up in the night (at the weekend) and offered water when she woke. He only needed to do this a couple of times before she seemed to get the message and SLEPT THROUGH!

However, during the week I'm on night duty and she will not accept water from me. She just cries louder and louder until I bf. So now I'm back at the beginning again. She woke up 3x between 12 and 4am last night just to comfort suckle.

Co-sleeping has stopped working as well, because she just wants to stay latched on which is uncomfortable for me.

rita I would have liked your post much better without the last sentence :)

nagoo there are a lot of things here to think about:

• whether to stop night nursing
• whether this will stop night waking
• how you feel about bfing past a year

Maybe worth a chat with a bfing help line?

I got to about 12 months BF and felt exactly the same as you (Plus I was up the duff again and wanted to stop way before the baby came so he didnt feel too ousted, tandem feeding was not for me).
We did pick up/put down at bedtime and in the night for around 3-4 nights and it worked. I had to get DP to help a lot as I would have given in for an easy life so maybe start when yours has a couple of days off to help?
I BF in the morning and around an hour before normal bed time so he was awake when we took him up to bed. About a week or two later he wasn't that interested in any BF so stopped completely without me feeling too mean. He didn't really drink any cows milk at all- sneaked in dairy via cheese, yogurts, cereal instead...but has weirdly just got a taste for cows milk at 20months.
DS still wakes occasionnally in the night but is actually much easier to settle.

I don't see anything wrong with carrying on feeding past a year if you want to still do it in the day though.

I think I will try to drop the night feeds, I'll offer her water or maybe cows milk in a cup if she wakes, then shush and pat.

I'll carry on BF in the day (to the limited extent she seems to want it) so I don't rush into an irreversible decision. But I think I have about had enough now.

I'll get DH to do the shusshing and patting on Friday and Saturday nights. :)

There is a BF group I used to go to, I'll pop in there again and have a chat and see.

Thanks.

Update:

Night weaning attempt 3, dreamfeed at 10pm, Baby Goo woke at 1.30am, I shushed and patted and hugged until 2, offered water (spurned my advances with cup) so I left her alone at 2am, and she cried and fussed a but but was asleep 7 mins later (I was going to go and do more patting after 10 mins) So shoot me for CC but she wasn't screaming the place down, just sort of 'shouting' a bit. Anyway, she didn't wake again until after 7am. So I count that as a win.

Sounds pretty good going!

when my dd got to 11 months she seemed to suddenly drop feeds on her own until eventually i was havign to remind her to feed and by 13 months the whole thing just sort of fizzled out she was refusing feeds when offered and that was that. I was pregnant so perhaps somethign had changed but she just seemed to be ready to give up

Interesting thread & thanks for the update Nagoo! I'm kind of at the same stage with DS who's 11 mos. Good to read everyone's experiences.

I thought I'd update you all again...

Baby Goo will not BF in the day, she likes to get in my top, while she surveys the room for something better to do! So we are on cows milk in the day, from a cup. I don't know how much she drinks and how much I clean up, but I get wet nappies and she's happy so I shan't worry.

The only 'big' BF she has is a dreamfeed at about 10.30pm, where she proper goes for it.

Then..... she has been sleeping through until 7! Whoop whoop!

I was advised not to go straight in to her, so I waited for 10 mins, and she's usually go to sleep. On occasions where she properly cried (and I won't wait the 10 mins then, I just go straight in) she gets a cuddle and offered water (she rarely takes it) and then I put her back down. Now I have closed the milk bar at night she seems (fingers crossed) to have stopped waking)

So I will carry on with the dream feed for a bit, as I like to know that she has had enough milk (otherwise i will crack and start feeding her at night again).

And it buys me time while I think about stopping BF entirely.

Thanks everyone.

That's great! Well done!