I know I need to stop feeding to sleep....but HOW???

[Moulesfrites]

Ds is 9.5 mo. He has never been a great sleeper and seems to be going through a particularly dodgy stage ATM. He wakes at least 3 times a night and we usually end up cosleeping for the second half of the night. I have always fed him to sleep at bedtime, which I know is why he can't self settle during the night.

He does self settle for naps incidentally, but only in his push chair, so not sure that that counts? Anyway, I know I need to stop feeding to sleep if his sleep is to improve but I just can't figure out how. At the minute, we bath him, put pjs on and put him in his grow bag, I feed him and then transfer him to cot asleep. I have tried, on the hv's advice, doing the pantley pull off and then putting him in the bag, but he hates having his arms manhandled so he just got upset and I ended up rocking him to sleep. He is tired at bedtime so if I were to feed him before his bath he would probably just fall asleep without a bath. Does anyone have any advice on how to approach this?

I feed him to sleep during the night also, but the hv says he should have dropped night feeds by now. The first couple of times during the night it works fine, but then generally the last time he wakes he will just suck forever and scream when I unlatch him, and not settle back in the cot, which is the point at which I cave in and we cosleep. I am getting a bit tired of basically sleeping with my nipple in his mouth, but even when co sleeping he sometimes screams when I unlatch him and takes a while to settle. At advice anyone?

My 14mo is still fed to sleep at night but she sleeps either all night or until 4.30 ish when she comes in with me for a feed and a bit more sleep. At 9 months she was waking 2 or 3 times a night and over time she's steadily dropped down to once or not at all.

Plus I've seen her wake up look around and go back to sleep without me interefering so it really isn't the case that feeding to sleep prevents self-settling. Partly she's thirsty (a cup of water will sometimes be enthusiastically gulped for a few seconds) and partly she wants the comfort in the early hours.

So don't stop unless you want to, and as other have said you can tackle the night feeds (send DH in with bottle of water?) without stopping the evening feed to sleep.

Ok, hv came and she basically said I should stop the night feeds as he doesn't need them now that he is 9 mo and established on 3 meals a day, and that he needs to learn another way of falling asleep other than being fed. I asked if stopping feeding him in the night would mean that he would stop waking and she said yes, which I am very about. I just feel that at the minute I have a tool at my disposal which means I can settle him quickly, and I am loathe to give it up. but then I would like him to wake less!

The other factor that I should mention is that I am going back to work full time in 2m time and so feel anxious about getting sleep sorted by then as I know how exhausted I am going to be.

I don't think the feeding to sleep at bedtime has any bearing on quality of sleep at night. My 16mo has just stopped feeding to sleep and I'm really annoyed - it was so useful! The turning point in his sleep was stopping overnight feeds - he now goes 8-5 or 6. The bedtime ritual is lovely, don't give it up only to f

I don't think the feeding to sleep at bedtime has any bearing on quality of sleep at night. My 16mo has just stopped feeding to sleep and I'm really annoyed - it was so useful! The turning point in his sleep was stopping overnight feeds, about two months ago - he now goes 8-5 or 6. The bedtime ritual is lovely, don't give it up only to find it makes no difference to night waking.

oh that is interesting libelulle - how old was he when you stopped feeding in the night?

Oops sorry for double post - am on iPhone in dark waiting for non-feeding-to-sleep ds to finally drop off!!

about 14mo - but he was 3 months premature so in developmental terms he was more like 11 months.

Wonder what she would make of me BF a 3yo in the night . I did try night-weaning and while it was easy to stop DD1 asking to be BF, I (like many mothers) found that it made precisely fuck-all difference to the number of times she woke up. Like you say though, BF is a quick way to get them back to sleep. I'm sure I got more sleep once I started doing night feeds again.

Did your HV provide any explanations or evidence? What does she mean by he doesn't "need" night feeds, does she mean from a nutritional point of view? Do you think he needs them? You know his needs better than your HV does, you're his mother

well, he eats loads, you see. I went through a typical day of what he eats and she said that it was more than enough. So yes, she probably did mean nutritionally, but I think I have known for a while that he isn't but I still feed him, to use one of my most hated phrases "just for comfort"!! But I need to comfort him!

*isn't hungry

I agree with the hv that he doesn't need feeding at night and by feeding him you are just giving him a reason to wake up iyswim?!

It was going back to work that made me sort my dds sleep out, what I did was keep to a fairly strict routine, last feed if he falls asleep don't worry but if he wakes up at night you will prob have to do some form of cc, so when he wakes up offer him water, comfort (change nappy if really wet) and put back to his cot, then leave and repeat every 10mins or so.

It took a few nights of doing this and then my dd slept through and has continued to be a good sleeper (12 hrs a night!) I could not have coped with working on constantly broken sleep.

Of course you need to comfort him :) so go ahead! It's sad that the HV's advice is making you question yourself like this- you are doing nothing wrong. Your DS sounds totally normal and it sounds as if you're going a grand job.

Moules - I always read your posts with interest as my DS is the same age and they are very alike!

I used to feed to sleep on my bed, then transfer sleeping baby to cot. The feeding to sleep became less and less reliable and some bed times were taking several hours. Something had to change. DS was about 8 months.

I read No Cry Sleep Solution and I decided to put in a proper bedtime routine, which we didn't previously have. So DS now has bath, clean nappy, dressed, sleeping bag, dimmed lights, story, sing along to our bedtime music, lights off and feed.

I began by feeding him until very, very drowsy, unlatching or taking advantage of him unlatching himself. I then put him in his cot on his back. If the gods are smiling, he will pop his thumb in his mouth, turn onto his side and fall asleep very quickly. However, sometimes we need a few goes before he's willing to sleep.

A few weeks on and I'm experimenting with levels of drowsiness before putting him in the cot. He can now be mellow instead of drowsy and he'll sleep. But if he's too awake he just pings around the cot banging his head. So it's a work in progress.

He's waking after bedtime tons more now than a couple of months ago, so you're not alone there. I'd say he's finished the night with us 4 out of 7 nights this week. Teeth, wind, poos, sitting/pulling up are all to blame.

Marking to read when I am less tired!

OP most babies wake up during the night for several years. It is how they resettle which is the key to you getting a full nights sleep.
DD2 woke up 2-3 times a night up until 18m and I fed her back to sleep every time. I stopped as I was pregnant again and I wanted to cut down the night feeding. I started cuddling her instead and that worked. She still woke up 1-2 times a night though and always came into our bed. She is now 3 and often wakes up in the night then climbs in with me.
Stopping feeding in the night is not a cure for night waking. You co-sleep so what can help is making sure there is a lot of room between you both so he can't just snuggle back for a feed

What might help you is when you go back to work and he is in nursery he may have a more active day so be more tired and sleep better then