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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

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Original poster

I don't know when I will want to give up breastfeeding

21 replies

mendipgirl · 02/11/2011 21:10

Background: DD1 was FF after BF not working (lost over 20% of bodyweight and was in NICU for a few days, eventually FF and thrived). DD2 took to BF straight away, no pain, no problems, easy.

I always said I'd BF for a year, but at this stage (9 months) I and DD2 enjoy it so much I can't imagine wanting to stop. I am down to morning and bedtime feeds as i am back at work, and occasional daytime/night feeds when I am there and if she wants it.

I have to admit I always thought feeding an older baby/child was a bit weird (sorry) but now I can't imagine stopping until she wants to. It's an easy comforter and she loves it. DD1 still has a bottle at bedtime and I can't think why I would stop DD2 having her milk when DD1 still has her. Or why to change to a bottle at this stage. Others have tried her on a bottle when I am not there and she doesn't really like it and is happy without it when I am not there.

I don't know anyone in real life that has BF past a year....but I can't imagine refusing DD2 until she wants to. I worry as I have told everyone that I will stop at a year and now need to introduce the idea of BF longer.

Just want some advice/opinions really.

OP posts:

bebemoojem · 02/11/2011 21:16

You have every right to change your mind and keep going until you and she feel it's right to call it quits.
I was a bit like that too...but what you can do, is shrug off anyone's opinions (like I did) and say that dd is not ready yet. As it was for us she weaned herself at 16m without any help really except that I offered a night-time cup before bf (more as a way for me and Dh to be able to go out occasionally at night before last feed of the day).
Do what is right for your baby and you. There's no right or wrong at this stage.

Secondtimelucky · 02/11/2011 21:24

You really don't have to talk to anyone about breastfeeding for longer if you don't want to you know. Well, maybe your partner...

I fed DD1 for 21 months and she was down to morning and evening from about 11 months. Since those were rarely 'public' feeds, most people just assumed I had stopped. I didn't keep it a secret, and would happily share if someone asked, but I just didn't make a big deal IYSWIM.

I also find the 'look at them like they're a bit mad' approach works for many things in parenting. "Is she still breastfeeding?" "Yes" (accompanied by the same look you would give someone if they said "do you wear shoes" or something equally ridiculous). I am currently using it to great effect on "Is she good at night/sleeping through" questions. "She's four and half months old" (with aforementioned expression).

bebemoojem · 02/11/2011 21:30

:) Second :) Quite right.

TheBloodCountessBathory · 02/11/2011 21:31

I thought I would stop at six months, then a year, then 18 months . . .!!

I just find it such a useful tool - for comforting, for putting to sleep and for when I want a nice sit down with a cuppa! And DD loves it so much

Like you I do morning and night time feeds - and more in the day when I'm there, but when I'm at work she's fine without.

I stopped feeding her in public when she was about 12 months as TBH I started feeling a bit awkward - no one else at toddler group etc was doing it. But if anyone asks me, I'm happy to tell them about it. My mum was surprised when I didn't wean her at six months but she has been very supportive, as is DH.

I'm often surprised to look down and see a pair of long toddler legs complete with big girl shoes dangling off my lap!!

GhoulishGlendaFestersAgain · 02/11/2011 21:35

You don't have to decide. I did the same, just kept bumbling along with no great plan, found I was feeding a 2yo. No idea that was going to happen, didn't plan it. He stopped on his own.

It was great.

And the older they get, the more they will tolerate/your supply will tolerate. DH regularly took DS away for 2/3/4 nights, just fed as normal when they got back. Went back to work, after a couple of weeks I didn't need to express because my boobs just got used to it.

Amazing stuff. When either you or she wants to stop, then you will decide. No need to plan it at the moment

Original poster

mendipgirl · 02/11/2011 21:38

TheBloodCountess, that sounds like me, if she is upset it is such an easy comforter and she loves it (sometimes I think she would stay there all day if she could). I always thought it would be odd to BF a child who can talk and walk rather than a baby, but I don't want to actively stop her...if she wants to stop fine (I'm not going to force her) but if she wants BF then shy say no if I don't have to?

OP posts:

Original poster

mendipgirl · 02/11/2011 21:39

why not shy

OP posts:

birdofthenorth · 02/11/2011 21:45

I said I'd do a year, too. DD is now 14mo & still feeding in the morning (she does now have a bottle on the daytime & one at night).

It's not weird, when it works it's easy, comforting, convenient & bonding. If it was just you & DD in the world, no outside views or opinions, and you would carry on ...then carry on. She will tell you when she's done.

RubyrooUK · 02/11/2011 21:49

I agree with everyone else - you don't have to explain to anyone (except your partner, who hopefully gets how happy it makes your DC).

I have a 14mo DS. It is still massively important to him to breastfeed but since he was 7-9 months old, he hasn't fed during the day (am working full-time). He doesn't have a bottle either, just feeds at night - and sadly, during the night.

I had a few comments about still BF when I got back to work so I don't talk a great deal about it and lots of people probably think I've stopped. But I won't lie (I don't want any of the young women who work for me to find BF at all weird) and we occasionally have cool conversations about breastfeeding and immunity etc around the desk (which they seem to find fascinating) and I just think everyone can lump it if they find it weird.

I've also had a few comments from friends about when will I get my freedom back etc. But I just say that DS still really cares about BF and move the topic onto something else.

So don't worry too much about it - you don't need to explain yourself to anyone. If you and your DC enjoy it, it's obviously right for you.

AngelDog · 03/11/2011 08:14

Most 'extended' breastfeeders originally planned to stop much sooner, but they and/or their DC changed their minds.

There's no shame in changing your mind - and as others have said, you don't need to talk to anyone outside your immediate household about it if you don't want to.

I don't talk to people about it unless they ask me - and they rarely do - despite the fact that my 22 m.o. feeds quite often in public.

Cosmosis · 03/11/2011 12:48

I was / am in the same position. I set out to bf for 6m, then when I got to 4ishm and I had no issues, I decided to go to 12m. I got to about 9m and couldn?t envisage stopping at 12m, so I carried on. DS is 14m now and we bf at bedtime and in the morning, and occasionally at other times if he wants it ? if he?s upset or tired or poorly or whatever. At the moment I think I?ll stop when he?s coming up to 2, but who knows!

Most people don?t ask if we?re still bf really, I think acquaintances probably think I have stopped. I know my stepmum thinks I should stop but it?s none of her business, when she questions if he?s still feeding I just say yes and talk about something else so it?s clear it?s not open to discussion. None of my friends think it?s an issue but then a lot of my friends are still or did bf older children than mine. I also work ft and a lot of people at work know I?m still bf and don?t think anything of it or are too polite / sensible to mention it.

I still can?t imagine feeding a 2 year old, but that?s because I don?t know MY 2 year old yet, just other peoples. When we?re feeding, I?m just feeding my baby and it?s lovely. (apart from this morning when he decided nibbling was what happens at the end of the feed and then had a proper tantrum because I wouldn?t let him carry on, but that?s another story).

MigGril · 03/11/2011 12:59

I fed DD till almost 3years. We never set out to feed that long it just happened. I always said I do 12months thinking that was when you would naturaly stop as they could have cups and cows milk by then. But DD loved her milk so much i could see us stopping at 12months. although I didn't feed her out and about after 1year but I now feel that was more imposed on me by other people's views not what I though was right for us.

This time DS will wean when he wants and I'll feed hime when ever and where ever he wants, he's just turned 12months.

liquorice1 · 03/11/2011 13:05

Its normal to breast feed. Feed for as long as you want, its to early yet keep going youre doing the best for your baby. Dont listen to other people. Remind them about the benefits for your child. Your baby is a human baby he needs mothers milk yours.

naturalbaby · 03/11/2011 13:24

i planned to feed for a year, my baby is now 9months too. i only stopped around 12months with my older 2 because of pregnancy but that won't be an issue this time so not sure how long we'll keep going for.

i only feed at home at the moment so nobody has any idea what i do, how much, how often and nobody but dh will know how long i'll feed for. there will be no need for anybody to know either.

whathellcall · 03/11/2011 16:38

I too thought when I started that I would feed for a year and then begin to wean when cow's milk can be introduced as a main drink. DS is now 11 months and there is no way I will be stopping until he wants to, which I can't imagine will be any time soon . People can say/think what they like, but it's your decision and you shouldn't let other people's ignorance or prejudice affect how you feed your child. Other people will always judge when you don't parent the same way as they have done, I for one won't let it annoy me. They do it their way, i'll do it mine .

Debs75 · 03/11/2011 16:46

I'm still feeding a 15m old full time and a 3 year old before bed. They both enjoy it and it is a vital part of their day.
I always had 1 year as a long term target but still took each day as it came. I have had days where I wanted to stop with dd2 but she loves it so much for bed and refuses to sleep another way. She will stop eventually but I want her to stop not me to make her stop. DD3 drinks as much now as she did 6m ago. She has a good appetite so I'm not worried about her missing out on food and she clearly wants and needs and enjoys her 'booby' so we will be carrying on for a while.

If you want to talk to someone then find a breast feeding support group. Don't tell your HV as a lot of them seem to have a thing against breastfeeding past 6 months

TeddyRuxpin · 03/11/2011 16:46

I said I'd do I for 6 months, then a year, then I said I'd wait and see...
As it turned out DD self weaned recently at 19 months, I'd have been happy enough to carry on longer but I wouldn't say I miss it.
I think it's probably a lot easier to let them self wean as you miss out on the tantrums if you start telling them 'no'.

EauRouge · 03/11/2011 16:50

I thought I'd BF for 6 months, now I'm tandem feeding a 3 year old and an 8 month old. If someone had told me that I'd be doing this when DD1 was born I would have laughed my socks off, but here I am You don't have to decide now when you're going to stop. Breastfeeding is a relationship and if you're both happy then why change it? :)

Lots of people BF for over a year but you do have to go looking for them. Is there an LLL group, NCT, natural parenting club, sling meet or anything like that nearby? You'll probably meet other 'extended' BFers there.

The WHO recommends BF for 2 years and beyond (this is a global recommendation, not just for third world countries like some people think) so this is a good fact to share if you get any criticism. There are tons of good books and websites as well. And of course Mumsnet, which I've always found very supportive of extended BF.

worldgonecrazy · 03/11/2011 16:55

You'll know when the time is right. I bf to 15 months, not bad for a mum who has been at work full time since 4 months! One night we were about to snuggle up for bed when I decided not to feed, we had very little hassle because the time was right for us. You may want to feed for longer, only you can know what is right for you and your child.

Cosmosis · 04/11/2011 12:30

"Don't tell your HV as a lot of them seem to have a thing against breastfeeding past 6 months" not necessarily, I was really impressed when I last saw the HV when DS was 11m and she said "oh that's great, well just carry on as long as you both want to". It was a breath of fresh air after so many negative HV stories.

Debs75 · 04/11/2011 13:34

Some HV's are very pro-bfing and if you find one like that it is great. A friend has just been told by a HV to give her 7m old son horlicks so he can sleep through she won't be seeing that one again. Maybe sound out your HV so you won't have to defend yourself and your decision

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