Tandem feeding battle ground! Help!

[KellyKettle]

I am feeding my two DDs - 2.9yrs and 2 weeks old.

It has become a huge battleground between DD1 and I. She asks for milk up to 7 times a night and if I try to roll away when she's finished she goes crazy, crying and lying on top of me to pin me down. It's horribly claustrophobic and I feel quite controlled by her at the moment.

During the day she no longer asks for milk buy launches into full on hysterics straight away - presumably anticipating a "no".

I am trying to stay calm and never refuse buy it's killing me and I am growing very resentful.

I don't want to wean her - or rather I'd prefer to do it gradually so she stops next year.

I am looking for some suggestions for ways of coping, ways to change how I view tandem feeding to make it more bearable.

I am told, by the wise women on the tandem feeding thread, that she will calm down in a few weeks but I can't imagine getting that far without going insane.

Our bf relationship has been lovely so far and I don't want it to end on such an angry/sad note.

Any suggestions appreciated.

Kelly really sorry as I have no experience of this. Just wondered if you'd spoken to your local LLL as they might be able to help.

Other than that I hope someone with experience will be along soon .

I have a friend who is a leader actually and gave me some tips like counting down feeds but it doesnt work. Last night I counted, she refused so I just pulled away, she clamped down with her teeth and now I have a bruise.

I know it was childish, this is how its getting

Thank you for replying

Oh Kelly really hope you get someone along soon who is more of a help than me.

www.hobomama.com/2011/08/tips-for-tandem-breastfeeding-baby.html?m=1

Posted for any others in same situation.

www.tmuffin.com/2011/02/tandem-nursing-rollercoaster.html

hi Kelly, sorry you're having such a hard time :( Have had a quick look at your links and they look good so hopefully you've found something useful in there. I didn't have this when DD2 was born (DD1 wanted to feed all day then but was fine at nights), but did have very similar issues when we moved house last year. DD1 was completely thrown by it all and reverted to wanted to feed all night long as well as all day. DD2 was feeding many times a night too and I just felt so exhausted and drained by it all and like you felt very claustrophobic and controlled. We've always had a lot of success with counting down feeds (started having to do this in pregnancy so she was very used to this) but it wasn't working at all at that point.

In the end DH had to take over looking after her at nights as I just couldn't cope with the two of them at night any longer. He used to get into bed with her during the night and I was banned from going to her at all overnight. It was really hard but she did settle down after a few days and it hasn't damaged our bf relationship at all in the long term.

Hope you manage to find a way of making it work for you all.

Thank you snail

I have been reluctant to get DH involved because he works away so much.

However, DD1 woke me at 2:30 for milk (& 11pm) then woke DD2 who wouldn't settle for an hour. I've had to take DD2 to DH to hold while I angrily feed DD1 - again - and then I'll go back to get DD2. It's 5am and I just want to cry from tiredness.

I think I've decided to wean her. I can't keep feeding her in anger or 6 times a night. I'm exhausted and it's not fair to keep shouting at her. I can't see an answer that works for us both.

:( I wasn't sure whether to post or not on this thread as I know our situations are quite different. I think I would have had to wean too if dh couldn't have taken over her night time care.

How are you going to go about weaning her? I'd be really interested to hear about how it goes.

You never know, during the process of weaning you might be able to reach a compromise that works for you all.

Kelly, sorry things are rough. I found that in the early days it helped if I spent a lot of one to one time with DD1. She used to love having a bath together, you could try that, or some massage maybe.

If you do want to wean then you might want to talk to a BF counsellor about it so you can find a nice gentle way to do it that would be a smooth transition for you and your DD1.

Thanks Snail. I think I'm going to try night weaning with unrestricted access during the day.

I ended up cuddling DD1 and singing ''Mary had a little lamb' a thousand times whilst stroking her face. She fell asleep for a while (with occasional protests and cries for milk). At 6am she asked to watched TV and cuddled in bed. When it got light she asked for milk again.

I'll stick with it but I'll have to do more googling because I've no idea how to night wean really. I just told her she can only have milk when it's light.

drjaygordon.com/attachment/sleeppattern.html

I'm going with Dr Jay Gordon. It fits our situation because it sounds like the mother does the settling and still in the family bed.

Today DD is having hot chocolate and christmas tree shaped toast for breakfast. I feel so horribly guilty. I never thought I'd wean her like this.

Thanks for posting Snail, you helped me through a lonely night.