Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Flip

Original poster

Breastfeeding and having a life

24 replies

choceyes · 01/11/2011 11:59

seems to be mutually exclusive at the moment.

DD is 14 months old and still feeding a lot at night. She doesn't take a bottle and even if she did, at night she wants the breast for comfort too, which is fine and understandable too. She wakes up once of twice between being put to bed and about 11pm when we go to bed. If I wasn't around DH can help her settle by putting her in the sling or just holding her and she will go back to sleep after a bit of crying. But I am around almost every night anyway so I just offer her the breast and get her back off to sleep again as that's the quickest way.

It means that me and DH can never go out together. My PILs are vising at the weekend and they have offered to look after the kids while we go to a party and we can't go really and DH is frustrated that even when we have babysitters (both our families live far away, so don't have babysitters hardly ever) we can't go out together. And last night he was asking how long I intend to BF for, as I said it would be 1yr at first and then now I am saying maybe 2yrs or even 2.5yrs...I just don't know.

He comes from a family of strong breastfeeding, as his mum is a BF councellor and fed her kids till about 2yrs, so he is very pro BF, but he is getting frustrated about the lack of time we have together as a couple. I udnerstand him, but at the same time, I don't want to give up BF just because once or twice a year we might get family to look after the LOs and we can go out. It seems far to big a sacrifice to me, for little gain.

How do other long term breastfeeders manage in situations like this?

OP posts:

thesurgeonsmate · 01/11/2011 12:04

I just go out and leave her with GPs. Yes, I sometimes come home to find her proudly sitting in the middle of a heap of toys in the sitting room watching telly. But sometimes they have managed to settle her. And if she's up, I just bf her and put her back to bed. It usually works a dream. Once it didn't. In my mind that's worth it.

bumbums · 01/11/2011 12:07

Do as thesurgeonsmate says. Just go out and have fun. What's the worst that can happen?

worldgonecrazy · 01/11/2011 12:07

Expressing. I stopped bf at 15 months but had a life and a few nights away too between 4 months - 15 months.

If you don't want to give formula there's no reason why a cup of cow's milk can't be substituted, or even water.

Don't forget to express when you're away too if it gets uncomfortable., even if you do need to pump and dump due to excess alcohol in your system.

Alibabaandthe80nappies · 01/11/2011 12:10

By this age you can give cow's milk in these kind of situations. Go out, she will be fine. Sounds like your MIL knows what she's doing, so there is no need to stay at home.

Go and have fun

BertieBotts · 01/11/2011 12:12

Same as surgeons :) I used to just go out and tell the babysitter not to worry if they couldn't get DS to sleep - hey, if he had a late bedtime he might by some miracle give me a lie in the next morning to recover!

It's unlikely you'll need to express to maintain supply at 14 months. Not unless you're away for several days. You don't need to pump & dump if you've been drinking either :)

If your PILs are pro-breastfeeding, hopefully they will be sympathetic and willing to try various methods to settle her. Driving around the block sometimes works (if she is still in an infant seat OR won't wake when transferred from car)

Original poster

choceyes · 01/11/2011 12:12

she doesn't take a bottle worldgonecrazy.

I could risk it and leave her, but the hardly knows my PILs anyway. She seems them for a few hours once in 2 months or so. I am worried she will be distraught being left with strangers (to her they are) and really upset cos her parents aren't there.

OP posts:

Albrecht · 01/11/2011 12:17

Yep agree with the above.

On the rare occasion we have babysitters - get ready, feed the baby, get them to sleep and leg it. One or two late night play sessions with Granny (a year!) is not the end of the world. Or go out for a lovely lunch.

At this age (ds is 16 months) they can really cope without milk if needs be. But I agree there are still so many benefits to bf I don't want to give up yet - ds was teething 2 molars and had a cold last week but I knew I could comfort him and ensure he was getting some nutrition.

BertieBotts · 01/11/2011 12:20

Ah okay yes that does make it a bit difficult. You need for her to build up a relationship, then, with someone who can babysit if that is at all possible. If you have the money, then doing a few sessions with an agency babysitter might be worth it to build up the contact when you are at home, and building it up from you both popping out to the corner shop for some milk, to longer abscences. TBH I don't think that that is anything to do with breastfeeding, it's just an age thing - I don't know that a FF 14 month would would be happy to be left with someone they barely know either.

Albrecht · 01/11/2011 12:22

My ds had met his granny twice as a newborn, once at 5 months, once at 7 months (she lives abroad). Then she came to stay for a few days for his 1st birthday, she forced us to go out. He woke up, she couldn't get him to sleep so took him downstairs, made up a song about our goldfish and he fell asleep on her lap.

Don't go far and take a mobile. If she wakes and gets hysterical you can come back. She will forgive you!

Original poster

choceyes · 01/11/2011 12:23

It will be fine if she is happy and playing with the in-laws if she wakes up and they can't get her back to sleep (infact I'd rather they just played with her than try and getting her back to sleep with her crying waiting for me to come). I just worry she will just cry and wouldn't want to play.

OP posts:

thesurgeonsmate · 01/11/2011 12:26

I can see why you feel this if you've got to 14 months without leaving her at all . But Albrecht's story seems to be a good one and you won't know unless you try. They aren't strangers really, she's familiar with them, she'll have spent time with you all together during the day, she can see that you all know and trust them. And if it works out, you might be doing it more regularly.

lilham · 01/11/2011 12:30

You are just worrying because you are her mother. Its natural to behave this way. Remember she will come to no harm with her GPs. Go out and enjoy an evening.

Original poster

choceyes · 01/11/2011 12:32

hmm...now I am coming round to the idea of leaving her. The in-laws will be here on Fri lunchtime, so she has got a day and half to get used to them, and she does get friendly with people quite quickly now( just a couple of months ago was a different story - she always wanted me). we are only planning to go out for 2hrs max and can get a taxi back home quickly if she really can't be comforted.

OP posts:

bonkers20 · 01/11/2011 12:39

Little ones soon learn who gives the milk. You just have to bite the bullet and leave her with someone who supports you BF and understands that if she doesn't settle they'll need to soothe/play/read with her not my FIL

iskra · 01/11/2011 12:40

Presumably if they live far away they stay for a few days when they visit? So go out after they have settled in & they are familiar to DD.

iskra · 01/11/2011 12:53

Missed your post Choceyes. Give it a bash. The worst that happens is you have to come home. DD will be with someone who loves her. That's fine.

Albrecht · 01/11/2011 13:31

And she may not even wake up anyway!

And anyway its part of their development to realise mummy is a separate person from them and can go away and come back. The odd experience without you is actually what they need to begin the process of understanding their place in the world.

AngelDog · 01/11/2011 13:43

I agree with most of the above.

DS is 22 m.o. and DH and I have only once been out together of an evening since he was born - and that was only for 1.5 hours when he was 3 months old.

DS has had bad separation anxitety and only in the last 4 months or so has he been prepared to be left for half an hour or so with one of the grandmas (we've not yet tried longer and not yet tried getting one of them to put him to bed). He goes to bed late though (between 8 and 9) so it wouldn't really work to put him to bed first.

We're planning to go out on our own during the day when we go to visit my PILs at the weekend though.

You could try leaving her for a quarter / half an hour earlier in the afternoon/evening to reassure yourself that she'll cope.

Original poster

choceyes · 01/11/2011 13:55

She goes to nursery 3 days a week from a couple of months ago so she is used to others. It was a bit difficult settling her in, but she is fine now after the initial hand over. So it's not like she's never been left with strangers.

I think she will be fine. And me and DH really need a night out on our own.

I'll let you know how she gets on!

OP posts:

worldgonecrazy · 01/11/2011 14:13

I hope you have a great night. I'm sure she'll be fine. Babies are much more adaptable than we give them credit for, and I suspect there is a little bit of mummy wanting to be missed

We left DD with a complete stranger (professional babysitter) twice whilst we were on holiday - after a few minutes introduction they were fine together and DD played/slept and we had a few hours to ourselves to relax and have a drink. I was still bf at the time, think she was about the same age as your DD.

mawbroon · 01/11/2011 15:59

Another voice saying just leave her and go for it.

And I don't say that lightly. I have been there with both DSs. It's hard the first couple of times, but as others have said, if you come home and she's up playing, then it really isn't the end of the world!

If you don't go too far, then they can always call you home if she is inconsolable.

Enjoy!!!

BertieBotts · 01/11/2011 16:57

Sounds like a plan :) Good luck!

RitaMorgan · 01/11/2011 17:01

You can stop feeding at night without stopping breastfeeding if you want to.

Original poster

choceyes · 01/11/2011 19:20

ritamorgan - I'd like to, but when she is at nursery she doesn't drink milk at all, so needs to make it up later I guess, but even without nursery, she is so busy during the day playing she's not that interested in milk. This is normal though for babies her age...from what I've read. it's common for them to make up the milk feeds at night instead. Although I do hope it passes soon!

OP posts:

Flip