9 week old EBF baby won't settle between feeds - advice please!

[Sophiesworld]

Not sure if this is a feeding or sleep issue really ? the two seem so closely linked. DD is 9 weeks old and has been EBF on demand so far. The problem I have is knowing when she is demanding to be fed and when she wants something else. She would probably feed/suckle and snooze on the breast all day if I let her, although she does get fussy after a while. Whilst I don?t have a problem with this, it means she never really gets a proper sleep and also DH is getting fed up because whenever he or anyone else takes her she just cries and he doesn?t get any quality time with her.

We took her to the doctor on Friday because she started doing a choking thing when we put her down to change her nappy and making a funny gasping noise from time to time. The doctor was very patient and reassuring and suggested it could be mild reflux, possibly exacerbated by overfeeding. Since then we have tried to only feed her every 1.5 hours from start of last feed (but allow her to feed as long as she likes). This has been good because it means if she cries between feeds DH doesn?t just give her back to me for feeding so I have more time to myself. But when I?m at home on my own it?s really hard to keep her occupied in between feeds because she?s really awake and alert and doesn?t go to sleep. She?ll sit in her swing or kick on the changing mat for maybe 10 mins but after that she just cries.

I?ve tried carrying her round the house in a sling but she wriggles and cries in that too and if I sit and hold her she roots around. If I take her out in the pram or sling she will usually drop off eventually but I can?t do that between every feed.

I really don?t know what to do to help her to sleep more or keep her happy. DH has started to wonder if FF would keep her happy longer and I can see why but I love BF and she is gaining weight (usually 6oz a week, and 8oz last week) so am reluctant to give up especially when we might still have the same problem. I can?t imagine how any BF baby goes 2 or 3 hours between feeds!

Sorry this is so long! Would really appreciate any advice or similar experiences?

I have an 8wo ds. And a 4yr old dd. DS is exactly the same, 4yo dd was exactly the same. They're so tiny and all they want is to be close to you and be comforted and bfing allows both things to happen. DS will suckle on and off all day. He does not like other people and will complain as soon as you hand him to anybody else. This is normal too. They like you best. It does get better with time, I learnt this last time. Around 4 months when they are more interested in the world and able to pick things up and study them, they'll be better able to self entertain and be entertained by others. Never more than about 20 minutes though. The first year is intense. Once they're mobile it's easier too as they don't want to be picked up all the time.

The strange gasping/choking thing does sound like mild reflux. It's the acid/sick coming up but not all the way when they're on their back. You may find that she's happier being upright too. Often the case with reflux.

Only thing we sometimes struggle with is when ds has trapped wind, he will mistake it for hunger and root around for milk. If you feed him it just makes it worse and he gets squirmier and crosser and then is eventually sick or burps or farts for a few minutes and falls straight to sleep. If you're reasonably sure your dd is well fed then try winding her well, cycling her legs and just making sure it's not wind.

It's not a bfing problem. It's not a problem really. You just have a 9wo baby.

If you continue to think reflux is a problem, see your gp and ask on here or search the archives. It comes up a lot (ba dum tish).

Our first wouldn't settle between feeds like yours. We solved the problem by using a dummy (I swore we would never buy one before having children!) He was much calmer after that although still pretty needy at night. He had it only at night after he was one and we got rid of it completely when he was two.

Agree with the other posters - I have a 7 m o DS and at a few weeks in I remember saying to my mum "I do want to feed on demand but I just wish he was a bit less demanding!"

The only advice I can offer is to keep doing what you're doing - i.e. trying distraction and other activities between feeding to rule out any other causes for the crying / not settling. I don't know if you've tried, but my DH could get DS to suck his little finger sometimes (he wasn't interested in a dummy) and that would settle him.

Geniunely feeding on demand is really hard work but as others have said, this phase doesn't last forever. Having said that, DS is still far happier sleeping on me when he naps than in his cot! Luckily he's happy in his own room at night so I don't mind.

Yep, sounds like reflux with the gagging and gasping noises. Unfortunately slings make it worse as they are curled up in them, dd3 had severe reflux and as soon as I put her in the sling she would do an exorcist all over me. You need to try and keep her upright without making her bend in the middle.

Dd3 was EBF (I went dairy free as her reflux was caused by a milk protien intollerance) and I have to say a dummy helped loads (she's the only one of my four who's had one from a few months old). Reflux makes them sucky because sucking helps keep the acid down and it also soothes them (babies actually feel alot less pain while suckling) so we bit the bullet and got her one of the dummies with the flat teat (not the round cherry ones or the orthodontic style) and it didn't affect Bfing at all as the teat is flat like a nipple is in the mouth. It helped her settle alot better and meant she was happy with other people holding her. She also used to sit in one of those bouncy chairs to keep her more upright when I had to put her down. We tried infant gaviscon as she stopped gaining weight but had to stop as she was soooo constipated on it, literally 2 weeks between poo's and then screaming for hours to get a tiny rock hard poo out, it was worse than the reflux. Then we found out it was the dairy I was eating/drinking, I went dairy free and within weeks she was 100%.

FF may not help, she'll still have the reflux and the dairy might actually make it worse as she's used to breastmilk and a change might irritate her gut. Breastmilk has antacid properties so it will help ease it a bit. Most babies grow out of reflux by the time they can sit unaided so tell your hubby to stop worrying :) You are enjoying bfing and baby is thriving (apart from the reflux), you could give up bfing and see no improvement (or it could get worse) and then you'll feel guilty for stopping when you really don't want to.

Thank you for your replies - its good to know we're not alone :)

SoH - the winding thing definitely makes sense as she gets really fussy on the breast sometimes so I think we need to try harder to get those air bubbles up.

I've tried 3 types of dummy with no success yet (Mam, TT cherry latex and TT cherry silicone). Does anyone have any other recommendations? I've pretty much given up on the idea, although she will sometimes suck a finger until she realises there's nothing coming out and gets upset!

Rikalaily that's really interesting about slings making it worse. We have a Close carrier which she used to snuggle up in but now she seems happier in a babybjorn, which makes sense as it holds her more upright. Still won't be carried round the house in it though :)

I guess we'll just keep doing what we're doing then - I just feel bad that I get all the cuddles at the moment!

Incidentally, I just managed to get her to sleep by lying next to her and then sneaking off once she'd dropped off. Only bought me half an hour but enough time to start the dinner and put on some laundry (also came across my missing phone charger in a pile of clothes :o) so feeling more positive already!

I'm a sneaker offer too. Doesn't always work but a few minutes here and there helps.

These are the dummies we use, they are the only ones dd3 will have, we spent a fortune trying different ones out.

www.tommeetippee.co.uk/product/novelty_soother/

Babies have trouble keeping them in thier mouth to start with so you have to hold them in there a bit until they thier tongue stops pushing it out (natural reflex) Breastfed babies also protest a bit when a dummy goes in, they are used to a soft warm breast so it takes them a few days to get used to them.

Where do you get those from Rikalaily? They're out of stock on the TT website and I haven't been able to find them online. (I realise DD may noy like these just because your DD does, but willing to try anything for a few quid!)

I don't know anything about the gasping but from what I've read you can't over feed a breast fed baby. I also read that babies that are truly fed on demand will feed every 24 mins.

My ten-week-old DS was also diagnosed with mild reflux last week, too. Prior to this, he would settle well, but it became clearer and clearer that he could no longer sleep on his back, as it was causing him to gag/choke/stop breathing/scream, and nor did a wedge under his co-sleeper do much good. On my paediatrician's advice, he now sleeps in his car seat and is much better. We have towels, triple-folded, beneath his head for the changing table and his activity mat, and always keep him upright for a good fifteen minutes after a feed. He, too, is fed on-demand, and it seems that reflux babies do much better with the little and often approach.

We don't have a sling, but a Boba carrier, which is the most comfortable thing evermore. This also helps with the keeping-him-upright tactic between feedings.

Tesco sell them and Asda sometimes have them in :o)

Thanks, I'll look out for them there then :)

I have an 11wo DS and he sounds very similar to yours! In between feeds he manages about 10mins on his mat then just wants to be cuddled and fusses about. I've found that he'll settle whilst sucking my finger and, after trying different kinds, he'll take these dummies from Asda. They are as unlike a nipple as you can get but I think they remind him of my finger! He can't keep it in himself but I hold it in until he's asleep and it does the trick. He is very clingy to me at the moment but I'm sure that will improve as he grows up. He is happy in his sling but again he has to suck my finger/dummy for a bit to settle then he'll stay in there for hours. Finally I have just discovered a white noise app and it gets him to sleep almost every time, and has extended his daytime naps from 15mins to about 35mins which is great.

Sorry that link doesn't seem to work. They are ASDA Little Angels Newborn Soothers 0+ Months £1.04 for 2.

Thanks bettyboo - looks like a trip to Asda is in order. The swing chair seems to be flavour of the day - I've just managed to get her off to sleep in that. Our latest investment is some rechargeable C batteries as everything seems to use them!