Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

8 week old very suddenly will not be put down

21 replies

citymonkey · 30/10/2011 11:55

I've also posted this in sleep.

Last week my then 7 week old slept for longer stretches at night for the first time (from 7:30/8 to 12/1am, then 3ish and 6/7ish). He was settling quickly after night feeds and going back in his basket. This was while we were away at my parents.

Back yesterday and last night it took two hours to settle him at bedtime, dummy ineffective (had started using a dummy at my parents for first time to settle at bedtime), he then slept for 3.5hrs before waking to be fed, then awoke a couple times before feed at 3:30. He didn't really settle after this at all and hasn't slept for any time really since then. He will fall asleep on me but wake as soon as he is put down and really scream after a few mins. Not sure what is going on or what I have done wrong. He seems exhausted but I can't have him on me all the time (moving house so need to pack). I assume he is too young to be left to cry for any length of time?? Not that I think that would nnecessarily help. It is so odd how sudden this is. Is this normal? Could he be in pain when he lies down? Not sure if this could be related but he hasn't done a poo since Wednesday. Before then he was doing lots every day.

OP posts:
MrsB24 · 30/10/2011 12:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
citymonkey · 30/10/2011 12:33

I don't think it's reflux as no current issues with feeding and he will lie flat in my arms after a feed. No vomiting or other signs of silent reflux from what I can see. Also this development is literally overnight..

The routine hadn't changed - he was just going longer at night between feeds last week. Did the same bedtime routine last night.

Only other thing I can think of is that yesterday I came back to Lindon on the train and had him in a sling on my chest for 3 hours (he fed in between) during which he slept almost the entire time. Could he have got used to being held for long periods while asleep just from that??

OP posts:
tiktok · 30/10/2011 13:46

Hi, citymonkey :)

Babies change as they grow and go through different phases and needs. A lot of the time the reason for these changes is not obvious at all....but the changes can indeed seem sudden rather than gradual and in a healthy thriving baby (ie one who shows no signs of illness/fever/pain) they're best just accepted without worrying.

Your own baby is of an age where it is very common to start going days without pooing, so this means nothing, really.

If you want to think why he is behaving like this, it may just be that he has had a busy and different set of experiences, with different people and different smells, noises, hands and arms. You are his 'constant', his ship in the storm :), and his way of re-orientating himself to the familiar is to signal (by crying, being distressed when away from you) that he needs to be close to you.

Sounds to me that you are still struggling with the confidence thing and the need to understand and 'fix' things - and honestly, from what you say here, there is nothing to be fixed :) He doesn't care you need time to pack - and maybe you can arrange for help with this? Moving house with a small baby is about the worst time to choose, but I am guessing you didn't exactly choose it!

Give him the reassurance that all is well and he can have you for as long as he needs to get back to being more settled and this phase will pass.

Please don't leave him to cry. That teaches nothing and for a baby as young as this is v. unkind - and you don't sound as if you would dream of being unkind to him :(

Original poster
citymonkey · 30/10/2011 15:05

Thanks TikTok. Yes sadly less than no choice about the move though my husband has been amazing today and done all packing while I have looked after the little one. I couldn't leave him to cry - to me is pretty obvious he is too small for that but have heard various advice on it. Also pretty sure it wouldn't help at all!

He is just quite grouchy in that he wanta to be held constantly and will vocalise loudly when he's not - it seems so strange because he didn't seem like this before. However during last week he did get held a lot by different relatives / his grandparents so maybe he got used to it. he also seems hungrier than usual so I am just feeding him when he seems to want it. Def sucking for comfort though as will fall asleep with boob in his mouth and get cross when it is removed. Mixed success with dummy in last 12 hrs!

OP posts:
tiktok · 30/10/2011 15:10

Good you are not expected to do all the packing, citymonkey :)

Your baby did well to be ok with all that handling and different people - now he just wants you and a bit of peace...obv I am speculating here as no one can see inside his little head but this is something (infant development) I do know something about :)

Sucking for comfort is fine, and meeting his needs for this and responding to him in the patient and loving way you are doing is a brilliant foundation for him.

Who on earth has told you to leave him to cry?!

Original poster
citymonkey · 30/10/2011 15:55

A few of the books I have read suggest it - in Sensational Baby Sleep Plan an example was given of controlled crying in a 3 week old who had got used to being held.

My instinct is to feed him and hold him whenever he wants it but I worry it will mean he will never be able to sleep on his own as will need me to fall asleep on. I just hate it when he cries :-(

OP posts:
tiktok · 30/10/2011 19:25

citymonkey - search on Alison Scott Wright here on mumsnet (she is the author of that plan) for a wide range of views on this author's competence, qualifications, safety of advice and knowledge.

No one who understands infant needs and development would seriously suggest controlled crying for a 3 week old and and I am astonished that this is the case.

Of course your baby will develop the ability to sleep without relying on you. He is eight weeks old. He's not going to be able to do everything the way you want it just yet :) :)

Try the book 'Babycalming' by Caroline Deacon for a better qualified account of babies' care in the first weeks and months :)

Original poster
citymonkey · 30/10/2011 19:45

Yes - I found it quite remarkable that in ASW's book she had babies sleeping through from six weeks (!). Thanks for the book recommendation, I will Amazon it.

I think I have read too many crazy books that say sleeping through so early / going to sleep when put down straight away etc are the norm so when my babe isn't doing that I think something is wrong. Which I guess is insane.

BTW poo amnesty broken earlier today Smile

Further BTW, thank you so much TikTok for your persistently lovely, helpful and supportive posts. You really make me feel like I might not be doing it all wrong and that all will be well. Thanks

OP posts:
Original poster
citymonkey · 30/10/2011 19:47

PS not sure it was controlled crying in the 3 week old, think she called it sleep reassurance or something? Involved letting baby cry for a time and going in to reassure or something? I may be misrembering though.

OP posts:
DrCoconut · 30/10/2011 20:15

I've heard that night time waking is biologically normal in babies until they are quite old and therefore people who go all out to make them "sleep through" are going against the norm for the baby. Though if it happens naturally that is different. DS1 woke every night until he was 15 months old. DS2 is almost 7 months and still wakes. I wouldn't worry yet and just offer reassurance and cuddles as needed.

Pudding2be · 30/10/2011 20:30

City - my HV said it was completely normal for a breastfed baby to not poo for a week, must be a bit Confused

I have a 9 wo DD - I know it's hard but Ive stopped trying to put her down straight after she has fallen asleep in my arms. I've now found in the last few days there are times she does want to be put down. Could this be a sign of things to come??

Original poster
citymonkey · 31/10/2011 00:50

Maybe I'll try that Pudding2be.

Just seems like we are regressing - went down to sleep by 8 tonight but woke at half 10 for feed, back down at 11 and has woken again for food just now. He is frantic getting on the boob.

He seemed much more content last week when he was having longer sleeps. Just seems angsty at the mo Sad

OP posts:
SkiBumMum · 31/10/2011 02:15

No advice to add but wanted to say we are in a very similar place at 7 wks. We are just back from a busy long weekend - wedding, staying in 2 different places, being passed about etc, long car journeys etc. DD1 had reflux and I panic every unsettled feed with DD2 but I don't think it is an issue. Hope things look up soon. In the meantime enjoy the cuddles. They are big too soon!

Original poster
citymonkey · 31/10/2011 03:56

The room was def cooler some of the time at my parents house (at least at bedtime) but I can'tchange that where U am annoyingly (though only here a few more nights prior to move). Absolutely no background noise there (middle of nowhere) but plenty here (central London). Again I can only fi that post move. I am honestly not sure it is either of these things though... His demeanour is just different! Sounds mad to say of an 8 week old. Up again now for feeding and had to settle at about 2:30am when he woke.

He didn't wake this frequently when he was a newborn!

OP posts:
Original poster
citymonkey · 31/10/2011 06:17

And feeding again...

OP posts:
tiktok · 31/10/2011 07:35

Happy to help, citymonkey , and thanks for your kind words :)

Yes, your baby's demeanor may well be different and it's only 'mad' to say this if it's daft to think of 8 week babies as little machines or insensitive robots....and they are not :) They are sensitive, aware, reponsive and individual human beings and they do change their reactions and needs. What they don't have is understanding and anticipation just yet - this is known because we know how the brain develops. These more cognitive skills come later.

Carry on feeding and cuddling and comforting - it's what he needs :)

Original poster
citymonkey · 31/10/2011 09:52

Thanks TikTok. After the 6am feed I brought him into bed with us and he slept fot another 90 mins (am still v nervous about doing it in case I squash him) and he woke full of gorgeous smiles. Has now been asleep since 8:45 and we are out and about so he is getting some good rest and fresh air I hope.

OP posts:
tiktok · 31/10/2011 10:07

Sounds lovely :)

Secondtimelucky · 31/10/2011 10:15

Hi again Citymonkey - You've had some great advice from Tiktok and glad to hear today has started so marvellously.

Just a thought that helped me a lot once I came to understand it: Babies are not linear. Baby books imply that they are- they will wake twice, then once, then sleep through. They will feed every three hours, and then move to four. This is, in my limited experience, tosh. If you expect that pattern, you will be constantly stressed and concerned. Babies are like the tide. Their behaviour, moods and patterns ebb and flow. If you are standing up close, you can't see a pattern. Only if you look at it over a long period does the general pattern reveal itself. Also, as Tiktok has said, they are little people, and very resistant to programming!

lilham · 31/10/2011 10:39

citymonkey I really like Elizabeth Pantley's no cry sleep solution. You can search here to see that she's well liked around mumsnet. She reckons there isn't much you can do before 4 months on sleep training. All you can do is just teaching them day and night. And as you say, your DS sleeps fine at night, but is just unwilling to be put down during the day. My DD was like this. She won't even go into the pram. We went out in the baby bjorn with the pushchair holding my change bag lol. It will pass. My 7mo DD now loves crawling, rolling and gets bored if you just hold on to her. Yesterday DH juggled oranges and threw ball into the bumbo seat to keep her entertained! He'll grow up before you know it.

lilham · 31/10/2011 10:40

I don't know why I think your DS settles well at night! Baby brain happening. But yes they do grow up and change!

New posts on this thread. Refresh page