16mth old, weaning/feeding to sleep question

[Trillian42]

DD is 16mths and we've finally reached the stage where we're down to 2 feeds a day - night time feed to sleep and first thing in the morning. Feeding to sleep isn't really working anyway - I usually end up lying on the bed with her until she falls asleep while she pretends to feed every couple of minutes. Then I transfer her.

DH took over the night time settling at the weekend and got DD to sleep without any tears. We were very pleasantly surprised and I was ready to take over on Mon night. I did exactly as he did, following all the stages of our long established routine with a bottle instead of a BF, and when it was time to put DD in her cot, she roared and screamed and went straight into those high pitched sobs that makes cough (and makes me worry that she'll make herself sick).

I stuck it out for about 7 mins, lifting her out of the cot, settling her and putting her back in when I thought I'd see if BFing her would work, prior to putting her back in the cot. So she calmed the second she realised she was getting her way being BFed and was happily lying down on the bed with me afterwards and playing with her soother when I tried to put her back in cot. Cue same screams. I stuck it out longer this time with picking her up, rubbing her back etc etc but after a little more than 10mins I caved. I then lay on the bed as usual while she rolls over and back, feeding briefly, putting back in her soother, chattering etc etc until she fell asleep after about 45mins.

I had the exact same last night, but DH was home early today so is currently up with her - I have the video monitor on so I saw it was exactly the same thing as the weekend, transferred to cot without a peep and he's staying with her, rubbing her back until she falls asleep.

My first question is... will I keep producing milk at night for her if DH occasionally does the settling - say 3/7 nights? I already think my supply has dropped dramatically since we cut out the mid-night feeds - this morning I fed her at 3.30am as we couldn't settle her and when she went to feed again at 8am there was nothing there. Nothing. She eventually gave up.

My second question... The goal of this was to wean, but if weaning means I can't get her to sleep at all on my own, maybe I should keep going? Do you have any tips or suggestions for how I should proceed?

Thanks for reading my unintentional epic post!

Watching with interest as DS 10 months will go down happily for anyone else but I have to feed him to sleep. If he realises I am trying to rock him to sleep he gets really distressed! I would love to hear how you get on. How did you stop feeding all night??

Sorry no advice either but interested to hear replies. Dd 13 months still feeding to sleep for naps and bedtime and is up every 2 hours or so during the night. I would like to cut down night feeds as i'm exhausted. I'm not sure whether to just stop bf altogether or just tackle night feeds. hopefully someone with good advice will come along soon.

I think it's a tricky age - they're not babies but not quite toddlers who can understand.

Did you explain to her beforehand that you weren't going to feed her? I don't know whether she'd be old enough to understand that or not.

My 22 m.o. has been happily rocked to sleep by DH for the last year or so, but he'd go mental if I tried to do that without bf'ing him first.

I don't have any experience of how to stop though, I'm afraid.

jasmin, have you read the No-Cry Sleep Solution? Although at 13 months the one for toddlers might be better value if you're buying it.

MyThumbsHaveGoneWeird We just bit the bullet a few weeks ago and I stayed downstairs for the night with earplugs while DH took over night duties armed with a bottle. We were almost certain it was comfort not hunger and like jasmin27 it was getting to the point where I was almost ill from exhaustion. The first night she cried for about 2 hours on and off while he picked her up, comforted her, offered her the bottle and put her down again in the cot, over and over again. She drank about 30ml of the bottle (1oz). He stayed in the room with her. Then when she woke around 5/6am I BFed her in bed.

The second night she cried for just about 10mins and woke maybe 5 times. The third night was the same but with less wakings but she had no interest in the bottle. It went pretty well for the few weeks - I could go in if she woke, pop in her soother and she'd go back asleep. We've had a couple of 3am wake ups in the last few days though where I've had to feed her to re-settle her, but she woke this morning with a cold so maybe that was coming on. We did have one blissful night of no disturbances and DD waking at the time DH was getting up to go to work!

jasmin27 If you've a helpful DP it might be worth a shot at breaking the night time feeds first? I think the reason DD adjusted to DH putting her to sleep this week so quickly is because she got used to him settling her during the night, whereas before that, I was the only one who could settle her at all. We did it over a weekend, starting on a Fri night IIRC and I took DD in the morning so DH could sleep. Me staying downstairs at the other side of the house with earplugs was essential though - if I'd been within hearing distance I would have caved within the hour as I really can't bear to hear DD cry. DH said it wasn't easy, but she woke up the next morning in great form and certainly didn't seem damaged in any way! We couldn't handle CC so found this a gentler way of doing it.

Angeldog I didn't explain to her - to be honest I don't think she'd understand. I might try though in case it helps next time. Part of the problem is that she's not really feeding at that time at all - she's just using me a dummy - she'll literally latch on for 5 seconds sometimes before putting in her soother and turning over. But she'll do that 50 times in a row!

As I said, she's got a cold this morning so I'll BF tonight anyway so she's getting some antibodies! Anyone know more about the supply issue?

Thanks trillian that is inspirational! Am going to send your post to DH.

Thanks trillian, I think i'll start getting dh involved.

Just a quick bump about the supply issue? DD seemed not to be getting anything when she fed last night. I even made up a bottle, but she didn't want it, she kept trying to feed. I'm a little worried that my body isn't producing any milk in the evening anymore. [hconfused]

What makes you think she's not getting anything? I'd say it's pretty unusual to have supply issues after feeding this long.

FWIW DS doesn't feel like he's taking much at the moment but that's partly because he's teething so feeding to sleep doesn't work at the moment (it never does when he's cutting teeth). He does the whole having a few bit - then another bit - then another until I get cross. I think it's because he wants to soothe himself to sleep with bf, but then finds it doesn't work. Now I'm wise to it (and now he's a bit older), after he's fed on 2 sides and he asks for a third I ask him if he wants milk or rocking. Often he chooses rocking (although not always).

If you're trying to make changes in the bedtime routine I do reckon it's worth explaining beforehand. Even if your DD doesn't understand the details, she may understand that something will be different. At 18 m.o. DS could tell me that he had 'clean nappy, milk and sleep' at bedtime, and I reckon he understood that before he was able to say it.