what do I do?

[bebemoojem]

Basically we have oversupply issues which are not sorting themselves out because Jem (11weeks) is a complete random feeder. Every time we seem to get somewhere (block feeding) suddenly she's on all the time again and then it's not long before she gets swamped. Then she stops wanting to eat because the flow is too fast and SCREAMS in anger and frustration for hours and hours and hours while going on and off in between my soothing her down and getting random mouth fulls of milk until she tires herself out and falls asleep for abt 30min then it starts all over. I'm expressing off small amounts to try and relieve pressure. She's got terrible wind too because of flow and getting way too much foremilk all the time. She's not had yellow poos reliably since week 3...
I'm here by myself, as Dh is gone M-F, just me and Jem and my toddler. Family too far away, friends not really present/available especially when it's really bad (at bed time). I'm struggling to cope with all the screaming. And it seems like when I finally do sooth her down the toddler sets her off by being loud or jumping on the bed or whatever...
I'm thinking of going ff, with the idea that the bottles would mean even flow and thus less screaming and hysteria. I know I could express and feed but if I'm going to go through the trouble of making up bottles I just want it as easy (and less time consuming) as possible.
Dh is totally against the idea. But he's not the one dealing with it all.

I'm seriously close to breaking; nothing destroys my confidence and makes me incapable of parenting when there's constant screaming...my patience frays and suddenly I'm screaming at either or both of them or the moon depending and I know it's not their fault and that I shouldn't be...

What do I do? give me some more strength or reassurance please.

Have you spoken to a BF counciler or latcation consultant regarding this problem? They may be more help avaivble that you haven't yet accessed.

Hopefully some one really knolagable like tiktok will be along with more usefull info. But if the oversupply is that extram have you tried feeding off one side during the day and the other at night.

Hi bebe, I can understand your frustration - does your DD take the bottle? My supply was all over the place in the first few weeks and dd is a very snacky baby, nothing I did changed that. She doesn't take the bottle so have just resigned myself to it and looking forward to when she is fully weaned. My concern for you is to whether ff would actually help with the screaming crying, after all your dd will have to wait longer for the bottle than she would for the breast and it doesn't have the comfort factor. Can you try her out on a bottle of expressed milk or formula first to test the waters before buying all the kit etc?

Yeah, supposedly i'm doing all the right things, and it's just a wait it out things will get better senerio because your dd will start feeding more regular. But i'm not sure i can hold out much longer...

Oh poor you - you have my sympathy. Feeding issues can be so upsetting and stressful. I had the opposite problem to you - undersupply - but I will say this: a stressed-out Mummy is not great for anyone so I would do whatever you need to do to get a point where you can really enjoy your lovely new baby. Firstly, ignore DH's opinion - he means well but has no idea what you are going through. Why not express and bottle feed for a couple of days to see if that helps the problem? If it does, then it confirms your theory and you'll find it easier to decide what to do next once your stress levels drop. Also, don't feel guilty about letting your toddler watch a bit more telly than usual while you sort out the baby. I've got a toddler and 17 wk old baby (plus an unhelpful DH and no family nearby like you!) and this is what I did in the early days until I got the baby into a good routine. Toddler didn't become a telly addict and is now back to her 20mins a day allowance. Hope this helps.

one problem with expressing is that it'll encourage your boobs to make more - so make sure that you're taking the minimum... If you do have lots of spare you could probably donate it to the milkbank at your local hospital.

In the short-term you could express of an amount from one boob and then put baby on that boob so they get the hind milk etc. then repeat with the other boob at the next feed... And repeat - but each time taking off less and less milk when you express. Or you could express everything and bottle feed your BM for a while - would keep your supply up without the switch to FF.. Lots of options for you

Does Jem feed better at night when there are fewer distractions BTW?

She will take a bottle tho reluctantly. Even tho it takes a while to make one i'm thinking that the fussing for ten minutes is by far better than the hours of screaming because of hunger and frustration...

She does feed better with less distractions. We end up going upstairs in a darkened room to lay on the bed so even i'm not jolting her abt... I could try going to one breast a day... Tho i might explode

I don't know if this will help at all:

kellymom.com/bf/supply/fast-letdown.html

Is it worth reclining back while feeding, so she is latching onto you from above, having pumped an ounce or two off first?

I did try recline feeding a couple weeks back. I could try it again now that jem is stronger and see how we get on. We've been laying down with her slightly raised by the middle of the bed and a folded towel so she's slightly higher than the mid of the breast and nipple...but maybe the sharper angle will help now that she might be able to maintain it more without my help. She's not responded well to trying to get her to 'sit' at the breast either on my lap or rugby style... But she may be too young yet i don't know.

Well I would say hang in there for another week or ten days as it will suddenly get easier at 12/13 weeks.