Am I doing something wrong?

[Lehman]

My son is 16 weeks and I am breastfeeding still - although it's been a bit of a struggle at times. I am worried about a couple of things ; first he seems to wake up every night for a feed whereas most of my NCT group seem to have their babies sleeping through and i am starting to feel that i am doing something wrong. I had been changing his nappy at the night feed but have stopped doing this now as apparently it can help...anyone else found this? Second he seems to be arching his back before feeding and pushing from his feet during the feed anyone else come across this behaviour?

Awww, NCT is fab (I've been a member and active volunteer for years) but honestly, the number of people who get worried about the fact that their baby is apparently different to everyone else in the group...

16 weeks is VERY, VERY early for babies to be sleeping through, and if he's only waking once you are VERY lucky. It may not seem like it, but honestly, you are :) When babies sleep through at this age it's nothing to do with what the parent is doing and is entirely to do with the baby's personality. Honestly, you're doing fine :)

There's no need to change his nappy at night unless it's dirty. Toddlers wear theirs for 12 hours at night... all fine.

The arching his back and pushing his feet sounds like he's exploring what he can do with his body, unless he seems distressed with it? Sounds perfectly normal too.

Is everything else ok? You do sound worried :(

Everything she ^^ said. :)

Every baby from my NCT group is also sleeping through. Apart from DS that is (20 weeks). He is very inconsistent. Sometimes wakes up once. Sometimes every hour and a half. Never sleeps through. Have got so bored with people offering me 'helpful' tips, I've started lying when they ask - "oh yes, he sleeps through. In fact, I have to wake him at 9am for breakfast."

Understand how you feel though. I started wondering if I was doing something wrong but have now accepted he is just a crap sleeper. But he is a very happy soul and is brilliant at breast feeding. They can't all be good at everything, I tell myself!

"oh yes, he sleeps through. In fact, I have to wake him at 9am for breakfast."

Yes, lots of people do this. Which is why not all of the group may in fact have babies who are sleeping through

"But he is a very happy soul and is brilliant at breast feeding. They can't all be good at everything, I tell myself!"

Awww! What a lovely thing to say!

Queenkong - maybe one baby is sleeping through and they are all lying except that one mum who set it going?

Thanks everyone much appreciated I am glad it's not just me..I am worried I guess as he is my first you want to make sure you do everything'right and the book I am reading suggests that he should be making it through. It doesn't help that my sister in laws children both slept through at 11 weeks.. She says she was lucky but she is also a bit sniffy about mums who are having trouble. I am. Trying to phase out the nappy changes and was thinking of giving him cooled boiled water during the night (an idea from the book) but I may just carry on feeding him I am sure he will get there in the end. It sounds silly but the arching the back thing just makes me feel like he is angry or rejecting me or something .

Older DD started sleeping through a 9 months. Little DD has just started at 19 weeks. Them's all different folks.

lehman (whispers) what book is it?

Please, please don't give water. It's not necessary and will strip some of the protection that your BM gives to your baby's gut lining. He WILL get there in the end. And BFing him back to sleep is a) lovely, b) biologically normal and c) the fastest way all round (ie more sleep for everyone).

It's not at all silly about feeling like he's rejecting you. He's not - you're his world. But sometimes it feels like that.

What OCC said.

And 'books' generally talk crap about baby sleep - they have to persuade you to part with your money somehow. Promising unbroken sleep is a pretty good marketing tool, and by the time you find out you're one of the people it does't work for, you've spent the money.

You are right breastfeeding him back to sleep does work like a charm I am normally back to bed within 30 mins not that I can always go back to sleep! but it definitely works very well. The book was Gina Ford contented little baby book, it suggests cooled boiled water at 4pm and during the night to settle him if he wakes up ... I have resisted doing it so far as I don't mind getting up that much but was beginning to wonder whether it's me that perpetuating his waking by feeding him. I am also about ready to burst by the time he wakes up so I am not sure how I would get around that. Many thanks again for your support I do feel a lot better.

Argh. I threw that book across the room a couple of days after DS was born. I know some people love Gina but I personally couldn't understand how to make her routines work when BFing. Think you'll find that most people on here will have had similar experiences with her too. Irritatingly, I picked up her book yesterday out of curiosity, and DS has now pretty much put himself into her routine - apart from the sleeping through bit, of course! - but we are 20 weeks in and it had absolutely nothing to do with me. Know it's much easier said than done, but try to relax and enjoy him. Sounds like you're doing a fantastic job and he'll find his own rhythm at some point and just as you get used to it, it'll change again .

You aren't doing anything wrong at all and if your baby wakes for a feed, it's because he's hungry. My Dd woke every night for a feed too and was and is a healthy weight. She's now 4.10years and sleeps through. Still asks for the occasional bf though.
I know of a woman following the contented little baby and she's the most uptight mummy around following everything with military precision. Why make a tough job unbearable too?!

Gina Ford works for some, but I don't think it suits bfeeding. It did make me feel useless until I realised my baby was a human being and nit a robot waiting to be programmed.

DD didn't sleep through for a long time. But it was ok. Actually I don't even remember when she began to sleep through. She's 2 now. So it can't have been that bad.

Some babies sleep better than others and some eat better than others. Others walked before mine took crawl. It's natural.

Sounds like your doing an amazing job. :)

Baby's can't read so he doesn't know he's supposed to be sleeping though. Bin the book go with the flow and you'll be much happier not worrying about what he should be doing.

Baby's are actualy designed to wake at night to feed, your milk is a higher fat contenct at night and if we where in a hunter garther socity you'd be very active during the day and baby would be feeding mainly at night. So one night feed is actaualy very good.

I am going to be very careful what I say here, because Gina Ford has a very litigious history with criticism on MN.

If a baby cries, and is comforted by breastfeeding, then basically they wanted one of three things: closeness with their caregiver; to suck (which they find very comforting) or they are hungry. Nursing works very well for all these needs, but there are reasons why it may not always be practical, particularly if you have older children. If the need is one of the first two, and you don't want to nurse, you can meet it in other ways - sling, cuddles, dummy, etc. If the need is hunger, they need milk.

A baby's tummy is tiny and they need everything that goes into it to be nutrient dense. If feeding them water works, surely it is only because it fills up their tummy with empty volume. Whilst it may be a good tip for a 12 or 18 month old who you are sure is not hungry (and may simply be thirsty), IMO it is not appropriate for a child so young.

I would recommend throwing away the book and enjoying your baby. It is absolute rubbish to suggest that most babies do not need a night feed by 16 weeks (a myth perpetuated by many baby books). Statistically I believe most children wake for a feed at least up to, and often well past, six months. Something like 50% of children wake regularly in the night until one (can't find the statistics, but I'm sure someone could).

You sound like you are doing brilliantly. Trust your instincts - you know that it seems wrong to deny him milk, and you know that your body doesn't want to. You and your baby are a unique relationship - don't let a book tell you how it should unfold.

My 16 wo has never slept thru- fed last night every 1.5 hours until 4 then up at 6.30 for feed and day ahead. You are not alone fwiw- my first 3 slept thru from about 8 wo!! All so different

Thanks everyone I have decided not to try the water strangely enough he seems to be feeding a lot better last night and today -maybe he was picking up on stressed mother and I am feeling a lot more relaxed to know all your experiences. Thanks again.

If you want to read a book I'd suggest Elizabeth Pantley's no cry sleep solution. It's bf friendly and none of the crying out. FYI my DD slept through from 11wk. But since 6mo she has turned into a very bad sleeper. She will get up at night wanting to play! Last night it was 11pm, 1am and then 630am and she is 7mo. The stint at 1am lasted an hour. And this following a dreamfeed at 10pm. Babies change so much everyday even if you put them in a routine they change quickly again. I found it easier to go with the flow. And whoever it says not feeding will make them drop the waking up is talking nonsense. DD doesnt always wake for food. If only I could nurse her to sleep then I won't get those 2hrs I-want-to-play episodes! I rocked her back at 11pm too because I knew she can't be hungry having fed an hour ago. None of these have stopped her sleeping badly for the last month.

My baby went through a phase of night time party time too I would feed him and then he would lay in his cot kicking is legs with a big grin and calling out..it was all I could do not to laugh sometimes in the end I just put him back on even though he probably wasn't hungry and he went back to sleep. He seems to have grown out of that phase now so I hope yours does too and you get some sleep! I will try the book you recommend, thanks.

The thing is baby's do wake for other reasions other then food, developmental leaps can make them wake more. ie when they are learning to crawl, walk talk or things like teething. But who are we to say that they don't need us in the night, I think night time parenting is just as important as during the day.

Personaly I think it's a bit crule to stick them in a room on there own for 12hours and not expect them to want anything. The sates show something like 25% of all preschoolers still wake every night and another 25% wake at lest some of the time.

Hopefully your's will be one of the 50% who do sleep but you never know.

My sil (great girl and mum of 3 gorgeous children) bought me the gina ford book after ds was born. She handed it to me and said "there are some great hints and tips in it, but take it all with a pinch of salt!" I took the book, read the little tables for feeding/sleeping, kept a log of feed times amounts etc and then panicked for ages that we 'weren't doing it right' because it wasn't what was in the book. The hv came and I cried and she asked what job I did...when I told her she laughed and said throw the book away and go with the flow. I did....and have now have a contented little baby and mummy. Not perfect by any means but I'm now not trying to conform to a baby template. May work for some...but not for me and my little man with his own idea of what equals contentment.