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Infant feeding

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Original poster

Asked to stop BFing in Debenhams!!!!

62 replies

hopedance · 09/10/2011 18:19

Yesterday a manager in Debenhams, Oxford, asked me to stop breastfeeding, because "this is a public place". Apparently it is inappropriate for me to breastfeed in public.

I explained to her that I wasn't going anywhere until my baby was quite finished feeding, that it is against the law for her to ask me to stop or move, and for details to make a written complaint.

She then called in her manager, who also asked me to stop breastfeeding or move, as it was not an appropriate place for me to breastfeed my baby. I sat and finished the feed, then insisted I was given the address to send a complaint to before leaving.

I was sat in a shoe shop in there (Dune), quietly in a corner out of the way being discreet while my friend tried on shoes. At the suggestion of several people on facebook, I thought it would be quite funny (and make a very good point) if we all descended on Dune and held a breastfeeding sit in.

I've invited anyone with little ones who they are breastfeeding, and anyone who might know others who are breastfeeding so please pass the invite on!

I've suggested next saturday morning as a time (11am), but if nobody can make it, I'll change it.

So who is in?? Check out the face book event page:

www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=166794540075643&view=wall¬if_t=event_wall

OP posts:
drappel · 10/10/2011 09:24

If you do something wrong without knowing about it, would you like then to have it rubbed in your face 10, 50 or 100 times over? Wouldn't that just make you resent the problem even more and cause further damage?

Education should always be the first step, and if that still doesn't work then there are far better ways of publicising the problem, the press being a far more useful tool.

Think about your actions as the consequences could end up being worse in the long run. The biggest protest is to avoid shopping at Debenhams and use other stores instead.

tothemoonandback · 10/10/2011 09:29

Well Done OP for knowing your rights and refusing to move. Hope your letter gets some results. x

Mampig · 10/10/2011 10:14

I think your letter is fab!! But please don't do the nurse-in!! As others have said- it would give a negative image and some of us are fragile enough about bf in public without drawing more attention to it. Please publish any response to your letter! Smile

Catslikehats · 10/10/2011 10:22

I'm not sure about a "nurse in" I think it does have a tendency to make people look a little derranged.

Please do update with teh respinse to your great letter though.

Shame on Debenhams.

EauRouge · 10/10/2011 10:42

I've been having a think about nurse-ins after reading this thread and firstly I think it's terrible that you were treated this way. I think that some good can come out of this situation, it's great that you are willing to chase it up and ensure that it doesn't happen again.

Educating the staff so that they know the law is one way to go about it. I also think it's important for the store to give a public apology so that other BF mothers or mothers-to-be do not feel put off about BF in this store or any other public place. Contacting the local press would be one way to do this, I don't know how you would take legal action because I am clueless in that area.

FetchezLaVache · 10/10/2011 10:51

Great letter- would you mind if I saved a copy of it, in case I ever need it? Anyway, good luck, I hope you get a satisfactory response- please let us know!

buttonmoon78 · 10/10/2011 10:56

Good letter - it will be very interesting to see what response you get.

However, you can't now do a nurse-in. Having stated that your ability to bf in public has been undermined, you can't do a nurse-in. It would make you look silly.

Save it for when/if you get an unfavourable response.

TheSecondComing · 10/10/2011 11:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

IwishIwasmoreorganised · 10/10/2011 11:08

Good letter, just a couple of thoughts:

Firstly: "I have been offended and upset by this incident, and my confidence in publicly breastfeeding my baby has been undermined." Not sure if this would be bette phrased as ..........my confidence in feeding my baby in public has been undermined." Publicly breastfeeding almost sounds as if you're going out of your way to make a spectacle out of yourself Grin

Second: "The first would be to issue a written apology to myself, and additionally to all the other mothers who are now nervous to breastfeed in your stores" How on earth can they write to all the other mothers who are now nervous? Might be worth rethinking that bit, perhaps asking for a public apology.

I'm Angry on your behalf. I bf my 2dc for 22 months between them and thankfully never came across such behaviour.

FWIW, I don't think that a nurse-in is a good idea either. Things like that are usually done out of desparation by people who are in the wrong - and you clearly aren't.

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 10/10/2011 11:13

Bugger - last post disappeared.

Right, in short:

Give the store a chance to respond - I find it hard to believe that you were told to move because you were BF-ing and not because you were in the way (which wouldn't be very nice, but doesn't warrant a sit-in ).

I find MNers not responding en masse with calls to arms reassuring tbh.

Pinkseren · 10/10/2011 11:47

I agree that the way that hopedance was treated was appalling and I do hope that you get some joy in response to your letter.

However, I think that a sit in would reinforce the 'lentil weaver' stereotype and to be honest, this stereotype is one of the reasons that I feel uncomfortable about breast feeding in public, not the fact that I am getting my boob out to feed my child. Form of protest or not, the fact that it is being 'advertised ' here and on facebook would suggest that it is indeed a publicity stunt, and as a breast feeding mother, exactly the sort of brush I would not wish to be tarred with.

ReshapeWhileDamp · 10/10/2011 12:15

I'm interested that other forums have said 'yes! do the nurse-in!' and MN hasn't. I'm divided about this, TBH. I know the instinctive reaction is to bloody well show them, and show them how many normal, breastfeeding mothers you have on side who also feel very strongly about this. But I agree with Tiktok that you ought to wait until Debenhams have responded in writing. Assuming you get a more formal response than 'oh, there was dangerous glass shelving next to you' (was there?), which was what has been posted on their FB page, if I'm not mistaken. Hmm

I think sit-ins can do more harm than good sometimes. It could turn into a circus. If the media is invited, please remember that it won't always report it as you'd choose. (i.e. we'd hope that they'd take the stance 'Stupid national store makes big boob' (so to speak), but they could easily portray you and the other mums negatively, or take the piss. I'd hate that to happen. Sad

Ooh, I dunno. I'm still divided. I'd come along to offer support to you on saturday regardless of what I've just said here (and breastfeed if DS2 wanted it, but I don't really agree with breastfeeding flash-mobs at a specific time) as this is my local branch of Debenhams! But unfortunately I'm not going to be around that day.

lagrandissima · 10/10/2011 12:17

That is appalling. If I was still lactating I'd be there with you Smile. Perhaps other mums should just vote with their wallets?

ReshapeWhileDamp · 10/10/2011 12:18

Pinkseren, I'm very Sad that you'd let what you perceive as the national stereotype of breastfeeders as 'lentil weavers', make you feel uncomfortable feeding your baby whenever s/he needs it. I'd say, sod 'em and feed. Who cares if a random stranger might or might not think you're slightly inclined towards lentils, anyway? Confused

Stinax · 10/10/2011 12:37

I think that a sit in would be a mistake until the store have given you a response. You need to be sure that the problem was that you were breastfeeding and not that you were in the wrong place. I'm sure that if I sat in Dune and let my 6 year old eat a packed lunch on the couch I'd be told to move. I've also noticed John Lewis don't like it if you lie down on the beds Grin

It is evident that this was handled in the wrong way and some retraining of staff is clearly needed. I much prefer to feed sitting on a sofa rather than in a feeding room so maybe a better approach would be for us bf mums to suggest more comfy public areas so we can sit with our non bf friends/family in public rather than being hidden away.

And lastly.......how do you weave lentils? Hmm

ReshapeWhileDamp · 10/10/2011 13:12

Stinax - with a Lentil Loom, of course!

HerdOfTinyElephants · 10/10/2011 13:17

I'm in favour of nurse-ins if the appropriate organisation has been properly complained to and are still acting like arses. Just not as a first line of attack.

DuelingFanjo · 10/10/2011 13:20

I think they are wrong to have asked you to stop, wrong to refuse to give you the address to complain to, wrong to bring another manager out, wrong to suggest you go elsewhere... however I agree that a nurse-in might be counter productive.

Good letter, I will be interested to hear the response. Maybe, depending on what they say, then have a nurse-in?

FetchezLaVache · 10/10/2011 13:30

Arf at Lentil Loom! Grin

hermionestranger · 10/10/2011 13:37

I'm no fan of sit ins but since Debenhams seem to think spouting H&S bollocks will suffice I'd be sorely tempted to do it.

HenriettaPepperpot · 10/10/2011 20:21

I hope Debenhams educate their staff very soon so that they are aware of the law, and that you get a grovelling apology and preferably some Debenhams vouchers. Could a woman less sure of her rights, so to speak, have been put off breastfeeding in other public places too?

fanniadams · 10/10/2011 20:43

BBC News report about half an hour ago with the public apology and....

Debenhams has offered to throw a party for any mothers who want to come and breastfeed at the store on Saturday as a celebration of breast feeding

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-oxfordshire-15247438

fuckityfuckfuckfuck · 10/10/2011 20:53

Glad they've apologised but the party idea is beyond patronising, and will attract the worst kind of gawker coming to get an eyeful.

Booooooyhoo · 10/10/2011 21:04

do you think it's possible debenhams caught wind of the nurse-in plans and decided to put the ball in their own court? sounds a bit coincidental that both the party and the nurse-in are planned for saturday.

Original poster
hopedance · 10/10/2011 21:12

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-oxfordshire-15247438

OP posts: