Please help

[Pippaandpolly]

DD was born on Monday just before midnight, so is less than 2 days old. She is very mucusy and struggling to breast feed-not sure if the two are related? She goes on for 2 or 3 sucks then stops, which is repeated for about an hour, then I express and syringe feed as well. Midwives are v concerned, all giving conflicting advice. Have had-all she needs is 5 mins a feed, if she's not feeding for 20 mins each time she's starving, wet and dirty nappies don't mean she's feeding well, she can't latch on because her nose is blocked, she can't latch on because my nipples aren't 'outy' enough, she's latching on but she's just lazy, etc etc etc.

Have been told I'm not 'allowed' home until she's feeding properly. Am at my wits end. I want to go home. I'm so tired and sick of different midwives manhandling me. I feel like we're making progress, but just slowly, but that's not good enough. Have been told it would be selfish to go home if that means in a couple of days we have to be readmittes because she's malnourished. Have been told it will be easier when my milk comes in, and also that it will be harder.

I want to go home and be with DH and do this at our own pace. I know an NCT breastfeeding counsellor and will happily seek advice. I feel like shit. One midwife has said my baby has 'beaten her', one 'jokes' with my baby that she 'won't get anything out of there' when we're trying to feed. Am putting her to the breast as much as she wants and at least every 3 hours as a minimum.

What do I do? I'm so, so tired and can't stop crying. Labour lasted from Saturday night till Monday night. I want to go home and take my baby and do this on our own. Am I being selfish? I don't want to make things worse but I can't stop crying and just want to get out of here.

Hi and congratulations!

I bet this one has already been considered but could you ask the paediatrician to look for a tongue tie?

My baby had similar 'mucus-y' snortings and got checked out for everything while we were still in hospital, including a heart murmur but they found no reason why he was not feeding for more than a minute if he could even get latched on in the first place. It wasn't til he was nearly a week old and we were at home when our community MW was concerned his weight had dropped significantly when she happened to notice (yes, notice!) he had a rather severe tonguetie which was affecting his ability to feed and to swallow (tongue needs to move saliva and mucus to back of throat to swallow it). As we were living in Wales at the time, the appointment for the frenulotomy was made within a day and the procedure was done in two days.

I still can't believe that paediatricians don't include this in their newborn checkover.

Anyway, its worth an ask. Otherwise, stick with it. And don't be too disheartened about still being in hosp, you're both in the best place for now.

oh no! - just read back and that you're home!

sorry

How's things?

Good to hear you are finding solutuions, pippa.

The 'bf counsellor' you met cannot be a 'proper' one....she is dangerous, telling a mother 5 mls of ebm is ok.

If you like, PM me with more details of where this exchange took place ie someone at a support group (who?) telling a mother of a baby just days old that she should drop the formula.

Tiktok sorry I can't PM on my phone and have been laptop-less for a few days. She works for an organisation called Treasure Chest. I'm not sure if they're NHS affiliates but they're recommended by local midwives. That said, I told my midwife what she'd said about EBF and she was really unimpressed-I don't know if she'll follow it up but she is the midwifery supervisor so has a bit of clout. She said it was bad advice at any rate! One of the things I've found dispiriting about all this is that ordinarily I think of myself as pretty capable and intelligent-if I'm not sure of something I'm perfectly able to do some research and make my own mind up. But on this I feel like every question I ask has 10 different answers that are all open to interpretation depending on various other factors, and there's just too much information! I want 'the answer' and I guess I've finally clicked it doesn't exist. I suspect this is an important lesson in how to be a parent!!

pippa I have googled and this person is not a breastfeeding counsellor but a peer supporter and she is well outside her boundaries in suggesting what she did - I am a breastfeeding counsellor and we would never suggest it either.

I would go so far as to say a peer supporter telling a new mother with a very young baby to drop the formula in order to make the baby more interested in the breast is practising dangerously and it's good you told the midwife.

It's true what you say about there not being a single answer and equally true about the helplnessness you can feel when your confidence goes :(

Hope things resolve soon and you build up your confidence.

As Tiktok says, these are peer supporters and I am absolutely shocked by what she has said and done. For the sake of other mothers, when you're back on your feet you might consider making a formal complaint.

While no one might be able to give you a definitive answer per se, there is absolutely no doubt that you've been very, very unlucky in the "advice" that you've been given.

Have you tried Googling IBCLCs in your area? If you're in a position to pay for help, there might be someone close enough by (or willing to travel) who is very highly qualified (as IBCLCs are) and who would give you your best chance of some answers. Just a thought.