Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

Lack of Support for Bottle Feeders?

55 replies

toomuchfrizz · 20/09/2011 05:18

I knew bf-ing would be hard but WOW it was tough. I persevered and persevered but the combination of a baby who wasn't great at latching on, the toe curling, stomach wrenching pain when she did and Mike Tyson strength hormones which knocked me for six I really couldn't manage it.

What I've found desperately upsetting isn't how I've "failed" my baby - on the contrary all I felt was relief - but it was the lack of information and support out there for a bottle feeding Mother.

What I want to know is am I alone in experiencing the lactation consultant who wouldn't give up trying to convince me to bf like a boob Hitler and the formula pack which states "Experts Agree Breastfeeding is Best" on it - both ramming home the pro bf-ing world we live in?

Please don't think that I'm not for bf-ing but I'd like to hear if anyone else felt let down by the lack of help and info for those who NEED to give up for one reason or another.

OP posts:
mamofK · 20/09/2011 09:52

Everyone is allowed a whinge, and I know it is very upsetting to have your heart set on doing something a certain way with your baby and to be unable to do so, but the only person making her feel bad about her situation is herself. I know it sounds harsh but until the OP accepts her own situation, she will be unhappy about ff her baby. The "world' does not care about her choices, forced or otherwise, and is not judging her. Mums today have it really tough, they have to continuously make choices that they may not particularly want, and we always want to be told "it's OK, you're doing great" - but that doesn't happen, you have to do that for yourself.

DuelingFanjo · 20/09/2011 10:08

[Grin] at chibi

tiktok · 20/09/2011 10:13

mamofk - that sounds a little less unkind now, good :) :)

I agree - simple acceptance of the situation is ultimately the only thing that helps reconcile women to a change of 'plan' about bf/ff. That is something that comes from 'inside', too.

ToffeePenny · 20/09/2011 10:47

Can't say I found a lack of support in ff - nobody seemd bothered what I did either way. I do agree with the OP about the lack of unbiased information out there for ff though - I was clueless to start with and combined with the sleep deprivation I reached new heights of rubbishness:

Got the wrong teat for age ,
Got too many bottles
2 sterilising units
Worried permanently about poisoning firstborn with Milton

OpinionatedMum · 20/09/2011 10:52

Some of us are unlucky when it comes to breastfeeding. It can be painful, exhausting and too much. It's not your fault, some things are just not meant to be.

Try not to analyse it, just enjoy your baby.

I don't believe there is enough support for new mums.

lilham · 20/09/2011 11:41

ToffeePenny, I guess I'm biased in that I have a pro-ff mum Grin. I know all about teat sizes, bottles, brushes, sterilisers, etc, despite EBFing. BTW, may I ask why you use glass bottles? I've only seen plastic ones.

Oh and she's also of the school of weaning at 3mo. She's given me lots of lectures since I waited till 6mo to wean my DD.

tiktok · 20/09/2011 12:02

lilham - the concern is that people who ff a generation ago have missed out on important safety info, and women today need up to date info.

Since your mum ff:

  • formula milks have changed and ranges have increased
  • guidance on making up powder has changed
  • there is concern about bottles made with BPA (no longer permitted on sale in the UK)
  • ff is thought to be best done responsively, not to a routine
  • teats are different
tiktok · 20/09/2011 12:03

And age for solids, of course....in fact there is a lot that's different :)

Don't you mind your mum giving you lectures about this sort of thing?!

LucyMayHughes · 20/09/2011 12:08

I've not read through everything on this page, but quite a lot of comments are being made to tune of "why would you need support with bottle feeding" as if it's the easy option! Feeding a baby, either breast of bottle, is at times difficult. Just had a difficult spell myself, lo gripy and not taking milk well. That could happen to a bottle fed or breast fed baby. Wish people would stop judging one another! We've all made our decisions based on what was best for us and our babies at the time. I think a lot of mothers have guilt about not breastfeeding, and most have to give up because of difficulties, not because they see bottle feeding as an easy option! As a breast feeder who turned to bottle feeding, I know both are incredibly challenging at times.

LucyMayHughes · 20/09/2011 12:12

Toffee penny, you've demonstrated how difficult bottle feeding can be. Still in shock when people think it's the "easy option"!

ToffeePenny · 20/09/2011 12:15

Glass because someone sent me some 'helpful info' like this: theque.searchwarp.com/swa128212.htm

Didn't have time or energy to do extensive research so just took what seemed to be the safest option at the time. Now I know that any risks are minimal but would have been helpful to have had someone tell me that at the time.
Most glass ones are too big and bulky - but I got on with the disposable ones and the nuk ones (online from germany)

EauRouge · 20/09/2011 12:17

The thing this thread is highlighting for me is the lack of support for mothers in general. It seems we get bombarded with 'advice' (not always based on research or evidence) and then expected to get on with it and just suck it up if we can't do things the way we wanted to. I don't think this is about BF/FF at all but rather lack of support and reliable information.

ohanotherone · 20/09/2011 12:24

Really? Do you need "support" to read some instructions on a packet? I assume you don't as you are able to type the OP. I assume you were asked the LC for help so how stupid for her to assume otherwise.

mrsgordonfreeman · 20/09/2011 12:37

I'm sorry that you feel bad. So many women I know didn't manage to bf (usually through crap support) and feel awful about it.

I did the BfN peer support course at the start of the year. It's not true that we're brainwashed into forcing women to bf, nor that we're not "allowed" to discuss ff. I have heard of NHS pre-natal class teachers state that they're being "naughty" for even mentioning ff. This is bolleaux and says more about them than about any of the breastfeeding organisations in the UK.

We are given plenty of information on making up formula feeds safely, the importance of using clean equipment, washing hands and ensuring that hot water hits the powder. In fact the first discussion I ever had with a mother after completing the training was about making up ffeeds safely. I think all babies should be fed adequately and safely, bf being the first and normal choice, and ff the second.

It's easy to feel that the world is against you, but believe me, it isn't. I would like to change the culture in the UK, but not at the expense of upsetting anyone.

Sleepglorioussleep · 20/09/2011 13:10

I find the approach that you must be stupid not to be able to read instructions for formula patronising and more importantly unkind. There are so many things that are a lot harder than doing what it says in the instructions. I don't think the op is saying that's the bit she needs support with. I think she needs support with which formula, how much, when? And on an emotional level, probably needs support from people who can't get past their passion (rightly so) for bf to understand that it is for a whole raft of reasons that at this moment, with the support they have, someone to help interpret the information that bombards people from posters and hcp's, to recognise when this is the difficult norm and when there's a problem that needs tackling, and their family circumstances, they can't bf and then have to put up with being made to feel guilty, small and foolish for it. To be honest, the class where I held a doll and a knitted boob was useful, but would not have got me through near mastitis! hope that when my daughters grow up they will be able to breastfeed because everyone does, that the messages being given to women now are embedded in our culture and because everyone gets a bit more flipping understanding of each other. But I fear that a generation of women are being made to feel that they've failed to do something that currently there still isn't sufficient support to do. Look, I've bf three babies and I can do that because in my circle it's the accepted norm. I walk into a friend's house and they offer me a low chair, a glass of water and a pillow. They know that I can't come out at the mo because my 11week old dd is having a growth spurt and come to see me. They knew about hot and cold flannels to avoid mastitis at a time when I couldn't gave ringing a stranger about it. And countless other little things.
So little by little this will filter down. But don't expect it overnight. And give people a break. Otherwise it'll achieve exactly the opposite effect to the one bf advocates, myself included, want.
My mil is the mist fantastic mother and grandmother. But she was advised to feed four hourly. Should I criticise her for not bf? God no. She had no one around her to sit with her and say yep that'll happen and no the hv didn't tell you that bit. And she watches me and my sil and encourages us to bf. Losing my way a bit now, sorry but the bottom line of how I feel is please can we support feeding mothers, however its done,whilst not denying the benefits of bf.

PublicHair · 20/09/2011 13:19

i have no idea how to make a bottle up (i bf my kids) i babysat for a friend the other week so she could go to the cinema for her birthday with her husband. she told me there was milk on the side.
i had literally no idea what to do (didn't go and check it out pre 'baby waking up and screaming') if i was bottle feeding i am pretty sure i'd work something out (by reading the side of the tin)

ohanotherone · 20/09/2011 13:23

I didn't mean to come across so grumpily but really I felt that in the OP there was a unfair criticism of both the LC and the formula companies who rightly need to put that from a scientific point of view formula is not as good as breastmilk. I know bf'ing is hard and sometimes people are forced to switch to formula feeding but it is pointless shooting the messenger or feeling guilty about it. Give the formula, release the guilt and misplaced anger at ones (self perceived) failure. No one else that counts is judging you.

Original poster
toomuchfrizz · 20/09/2011 15:42

Really didn't mean to outrage so many people, and sorry that I did!

I can read so was perfectly able to read the labels and make up the bottles, sterilise the bottles and feed the bottles. Easy peasy but my point was as pomme, tiktok andthelike mention that there are possible pitfalls and questions that still need answering.

All I meant was the move from boob to bottle is the point where you need to help and don't really get it. Understand completely that more people ff than bf but the HELP you need comes from VERY pro bf people.

Won't take back boob Hitler whatsoever. My particular lactation consultant was indeed a boob Hitler not all of them are. Sounds like cantpooinpeace and I had the same woman!

OP posts:
organiccarrotcake · 20/09/2011 16:00

I'm afraid that I can't under any circumstances accept the term "boob hitler". It's horrendous. It's awful. It is, in fact, outrageously offensive, no matter how terrible you found your LC to be.

That said, I do understand that the support comes from pro-BF people, and that this may be really tough for those in your situation. But, the support that you get from the pro-BF NCT line should be properly supportive of the emotional effects of moving to FF, and also be able to give you help and advice about how to feed formula/bottles in a responsive and loving way.

There are, though, lots of ways to get support - MN being one of them :) But maybe if you feel there's still a gap, perhaps you'd consider doing something like setting up the FF equivalent of Kellymom or the Analytical Armadillo? I can really see a lot of value to babies and mums of a site giving information about FF that is missing off the side of the tin.

nethunsreject · 20/09/2011 16:05

'boob hitler' is disgusting.

There are plenty of ways you could describe someone in a negative fashion without resorting to Hitler/Nazi analogies.

Lack of ffing support - give me a break.

nethunsreject · 20/09/2011 16:07

and btw, ds1 was ffed, ds2 bfed. making up and giving a feed is easy providing you can follow simple instructions.

Issues around (undeserved) guilt are complex and important, but actually ffing is a piece of piss. Bfing is much nicer though.

TheRealMBJ · 20/09/2011 16:16

I am sorry you feel disappointed and let down. Unfortunately directing your anger at the lactation consultant (was she an IBCLC registered LC?) and calling her by a highly offensive name, boob Hitler, is not going to help you process your feelings.

Why don't you follow EauRuge's suggestion and phone the NCT or LLL breastfeeding helplines to help you debrief your experiences. they are trained to deal with situations such as your and to help you come to terms with what happened.

LucyMayHughes · 20/09/2011 19:42

Wow, cannot believe the venom on this discussion! Talk about a support network!

cantpooinpeace · 21/09/2011 18:15

She seemed nicer when I had my son (who also wouldn't bloody BF) or was it that I wasn't a first time mum & had more confidence in not being influenced to continue BF against what felt like all the odds (including Tongue tie)?

MeggysMam · 22/09/2011 13:32

Wow! Scary place to be right now! Came here looking for a friendly 'chat' and for advice from other mum's who have experienced similar issues....
And I thought my HV was terrifying! I too had questions on FF but after reading a few previous posts I think I will just worry about them on my own . I was told Mumsnet was a 'support' group - all in it together! Jeez if I wanted a telling off from someone smug I'll go and see my HV! Over and out!