When does feeding get easier? Mixed feeding, snacking, no hunger cues until screaming. Feeling very down. Sorry so long.

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I'm really struggling. My DD (12 weeks Wednesday) is mixed fed, not by choice. Some background -- we had a horrible time trying to establish breastfeeding (original thread here ). I had my heart set on breastfeeding and am heartbroken that it hasn't worked out. I'm dealing with some PND because of it and am being seen by the perinatal team.

At this point we are still mixed feeding (breastfeeding, if she will, before every bottle), but I think she will begin to refuse completely soon. She's only spending around 5-10 min bfing before just sitting there and not latching on until I get her bottle. At least she's not screaming every time anymore. I don't believe she gets anything from me at all ? never comes off with milk in her mouth, never hear her swallowing except the early morning feed when my breasts feel remotely full for the only time. I did everything I could to fix my supply problem after her tongue tie was snipped -- pumping 8x/day, constant breastfeeding, babymoon, max dose of domperidone, fenugreek, switch nursing, breast compressions, SNS. It's been our entire life for 3 months.*

The problem now is that I just can't figure out when she's hungry, and she seems to have no interest in eating until she's screaming. She's finding her hands and so constantly has her hands in her mouth, so I can't use that as a reliable hunger cue anymore. She is snacking constantly. Sometimes when I think she's hungry (because she's screaming and nothing else fixes it), she won't take the bottle and I basically have to force it on her by holding it in her mouth for ages until she takes it. Then she calms down. She fidgets and looks around when eating and would like to eat only about 2-3oz at a time. I'm spending my entire day feeding and pumping and I'm at the end of my tether.

For instance today:
4am - BF 8 min, 2.37oz formula (that exact because my app turns mL into oz)
8am - BF 10 min, 2.37oz breast milk
11:20 - BF 5min, 4oz formula/breastmilk mix
12:30pm - 2.69oz formula
2:30 - BF 4min, 1.5oz formula
3:45 - 3.5oz formula
5pm - 3oz formula

I offer 5oz every time, and sometimes she takes all 5. She's been screaming all afternoon. She's in her swing now, finally napping.

Her total intake is normally around 20-25oz/day (plus bfing), so less than the 30oz she's 'supposed' to have, but I'm not worried about total intake. Her weight has been following along the 48th-ish percentile. No problems now with weight after all the initial problems. Intake doesn't change with how much she breastfeeds (some days more than 2 hours total, some days as little as 30 min).

Just wanted to know if mixed feeders/bottle feeders have any advice? Does the 'snacking' ever get better? I always offer more than she wants. I just don't know how to read her anymore, and she seems so unsettled/unhappy. I feel like I've done this to her by forcing her to breastfeed before every bottle. Like she no longer recognizes hunger because I've made her delay it, if that makes sense?

She used to be happy to feed, happy to take a full bottle and then wait 3 hours. It's only within the last 2-3 weeks this has been happening. She started sleeping a bit better at night around the same time (5-6hrs, up for feed, then another 4-5hrs), so I think she's struggling to figure out how to get enough food during the day to fuel her long sleep.

I feel like I can't go anywhere because I can't take enough bottles/formula for the never-ending feeding. And all I think, all the time, is that if I were able to breastfeed it wouldn't matter. She could snack all she wanted and it would be easier to deal with. And then I cry about not being able to breastfeed.

Any advice on how to read her? How to get her to take more so she's satisfied for longer than an hour? On how to get through this period? I'm just really struggling. :(

*please don't offer me advice on re-establishing breastfeeding. It won't work, and it just breaks my heart. My lactation consultant has even advised me to stop. I just don't have the milk, probably never had the milk. I have an underactive thyroid, so that could've been the problem. Or the TT being unsnipped for two weeks screwed my supply up. I won't know until next baby, I guess. :(

I had a very similar experience and can recognise and empathise a lot of what you're saying. Just a couple of tips/ comments that you might find useful:

My dd also used to refuse to feed a lot and we did end up on mostly bottles but the breastfeeds we held onto for longest ( until 6 months) were the night feeds and first feed in the morning- she always fed better when she was only half awake!

Don't stress about not having enough formula- if you take a few cartons and sterilised bottles you'll be fine for hours.

If you do want to carry on expressing try to be a bit creative about opportunities to do so so it doesn't take up too much time- in the bath, on car journeys (obv someone else driving), whilst someone else baths dd etc.

The ranitadine shoul hopefully make a big difference but it is weight dependant so you might need to get her dosage increased when she gets a bit bigger.

Not too long until weaning. We did blw which was fab as it took all the stress and 'measuring' away and made her eating a positive and enjoyable experience for the first time

Take care

Thanks narmada. I am on sertraline, but I was recently moved to 100mg from 50, so that's why I've been worrying about it getting through to her. I know that only a tiny amount gets through. Just worrying too much about everything at the moment.

Thank you coldcomfortHeart. I'm feeling a little bit better. Hopefully it'll continue to improve and I can continue expressing even after she starts refusing.

IceCreamCastles - those two feeds are the ones she seems happiest about, along with a comfort feed at night sometimes. Even those are only around 5 minutes now, though. I would love if we could keep them up to 6 months, but not going to get my hopes up.

I would love for feeding to be a positive experience, as it has never really been positive for either of us (though I love to breastfeed, and she used to love to breastfeed-- at the beginning). I hope that the ranitidine works and it becomes more positive for us both. Poor sweet girl. I haven't noticed a big difference yet, and we've had to keep putting gaviscon in her feeds. Hopefully it will start to work soon.

I just wanted to update my thread to say thanks to everyone who gave us encouragement. We're doing a lot better. My DD was started on ranitidine, and we returned to the full gaviscon for every feed, and the combination seems to be helping. The GP also gave us some lactulose to use in case of constipation, but she seems to be ok so far.

She's taking more at most feeds and has been usually going 3 hours between again. She also seems much happier/less in pain.

She's also still happily breastfeeding before every bottle and actually seems to love it again, which makes me so so happy. She has also been 'asking' to comfort feed. :) I'm even entertaining slim hopes that we can keep it up until at least 6 months (she's 15wks), which was beyond my wildest dreams up till now.

I'm only pumping 1-2x/day (depending on if she wakes at night, so usually only one), which is much more manageable.

I am feeling much better as far as the PND goes, and I've sort of come to terms with the breastfeeding relationship we have. I'm glad we've persevered through all the horrible-ness, just for the fact that she can comfort feed. I'm still very sad that we aren't EBFing, and I'm not sure if I'll be as happy if she starts refusing, but at the moment we're doing ok.