Breastfeeding toddler having overnight contact with dad?

[RushyBay]

I posted this in the extended BF support thread yesterday, but no replies yet, so I'm not sure how often people on there check it. Sorry to repeat myself, but desperate for advice.

DD is 16 months. During the day I feed on demand when she's with me, but she is looked after by family members 3 days a week while I work and she never looks for it if I'm not there.

At night she goes to sleep in her own bed at about 8 (story, feed, then I lie next to her and she drifts off), then she wakes at about 11 and I bring her into my bed and she goes back to sleep without a feed until about 4, then I feed every time she wakes (usually 5.30, 6, 6.30 ) til she wakes up properly at 7.

My problem is that DH and I have recently separated. We're meeting this afternoon to discuss contact, and I'm feeling really unsure about what's going to be in DD's best interests. Until now DH has always really failed struggled settling DD at night, but I expect they'd figure it out between them sooner or later? Especially if she's at his house and knows I'm not there.

Does anyone else have experience of this? Would I need to pump to maintain my supply if she was gone for 48 hours?

I was really hoping to continue until she self-weans, but would be happy I think to get to 2. I'm heartbroken at the idea of forcing her to wean and putting her through unnecessary distress at a time when she's already coping with so much change.

Should I be arguing for no overnight contact until she weans, or should I try and let go and accept that having good quality contact with her dad is more important than breastfeeding?

All opinions/experience welcome

Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that. Absolutely gobsmacked that a judge would agree to a child being taken out of school for contact!

Do you have any support with regards to the EA?

loudlass - i can't respond on what the court might rule. you need to make sure that you get yourself a very very very good solicitor.

i argued emotional distress in the case of my (then 18 month old) daughter. she screamed the place down hysterically when her father picked her up. she shook her head, screaming 'no daddy', clung to me screaming and screamed as he took her away and put her in the car. as he drove away (even with the windows shut) i could hear her screaming. but that was dismissed by the magistrates. they consider that she will be more distressed in the long term by NOT having over night contact with him than by going through the anxiety and distress of frequent separations from me.

only time will tell. but she is my precious daughter and if they are wrong, she and i will have to live with that for the rest of their lives.

sorry 'our' not 'their'

Oh my word nono that sounds absolutely horrendous

OP I hope you and exH manage to keep talking to each other and do what's right for your DD.

loudlass, contact women's aid for a list of solicitors in your area who are experienced with this kind of exp.

My oldest 2 aren't his, but DS2 (7yo) is, as is 7mo DS3. He has overnights with DS2, has done since he was 3yo. HE wouldn't be doing the work - his mummy would (overgrown child, my ex). And she's the type that throws away expressed bm to give formula as it's 'better for the child'. She never bf her own dc, and doesn't think bf'ing is 'right', she is of the opinion that formula is best. .

And although I want to put my dc first, I am not prepared to get back with him just to stop him from throwing his toys out of the pram. And that is the ONLY way he won't get silly again. Not happening.

Will women's aid know that? How do you contact them (am also looking to get onto the freedom programme)?

My last solicitor was very good, but I haven't used her for nearly 3 years, as Ex-P and I were together, and she no longer accepts legal aid clients. The only ones that DO in my town, I can't use, as ex-p has files with ALL of them, so I am struggling to get an accesible solicitor at all, that takes legal aid and doesn't have a 'conflict of interests'. Because he has used (and been 'let go of' by all the 6 firms that do family law AND accept legal aid). Don't know how to get over that one, last time, I had to represtent myself - I don't feel up to that now.

no5 sure about how, maybe call them? there is a bit on their site, in the survivor's handbook section. orry for bad typing and lack of links, on hospital tv internet thing. it defin8tely says this on the website though.

Rushy, ds1 started overnights with his dad (not my XP, so slightly different situation) around 15 months. I weaned him beforehand to make it easier, I thought, but have since regretted it. In the end he has been absolutely fine about all the other things that are done differently between his dad's house and here that I had initially been worried about. I think he would have been fine to bf here and not there too. I'm glad it you've agreed to take this change slowly for your dd's sake, but wanted to post my story in case things change, perhaps it will be some reassurance.

MamaChocoholic - that's helpful, thank you. Sorry to hear you've regretted weaning though. Will definitely bear it in mind. Although it all seems very amicable at the moment, I'm trying to stay prepared for the future. If he was always this reasonable we wouldn't be separating!