Bottle Feeding Guilt - Why Breast is not Best for Everyone

[motherblogginguilt]

Hi fellow mummies,

I had a traumatic time trying to breastfeed my first baby. I was so convinced that 'breast is best' that I did everything in my power to breastfeed my son, unaware that he was getting very little milk. The midwives failed to recognise that my son was starving and that I was beyond exhausted and pushed me to continue trying to breastfeed. I finally stopped when a sensible midwife weighed my son and gave me an ultimatum - formula milk or hospitalise my baby.

I've written my story on my blog: www.motherblogginguilt.com

If you've been through a similar experience, I would love to hear from you. I feel very strongly that the 'breast is best' message can have a damaging effect on new mums and it's time that midwives were trained to put the health of mothers and babies above the need to raise the breastfeeding quotas.

Looking forward to some feedback xx

I'm going to answer these questions, mostly to make myself feel better..

How to know a good latch from a bad latch? YES
How to tell when a baby is actually swallowing, not just sucking? YES
How to use breast compressions to increase milk transfer? YES
How biological nurturing positions can help? YES
How many 'sides' to offer at each feed? YES
How often you needed to feed? YES
How long / frequent feeds might be? YES
The difference skin to skin and co-sleeping can make to improving breastfeeding? YES
How to increase milk production? YES
How to use galactogogues like domperidone? NO
How to recognise a sleepy baby conserving energy? NO
How to tell that milk transfer is insufficient before weighing confirms that? YES
What formula top-ups do to your milk supply? YES - but was told to give formula top ups after weight loss.
How to phase out formula safely and get back to breastfeeding? YES

So, I had plenty of information and support too - yet I'm considering formula full time.

Breast is NOT best. What's best is making sure your baby is eating well, and you are not suffering as a result.

Sarry you say:

"How to recognise a sleepy baby conserving energy? NO
How to tell that milk transfer is insufficient before weighing confirms that? YES"

Not sure what to make of that - it sounds contradictory, because recognising that a sleepy baby is a bad sign for bf is indeed one of the ways it's suspected that milk transfer is insufficient.

I also worry if things are left until the baby actually loses weight - this is a late sign of bf not going well :(

I agree that support and information are not the only factors in helping people have a good bf experience though.

Having read the blog I am amazed by the lack of support you had and also at their refusal to weigh him. I would say every person I know who has breastfed a baby has been pissed off at some point with all the weighing rather than a lack of weighing.

It's a shame no one told you that sitting in a chair constantly might not have been the best way to breastfeed.

Also - 36 hours after the birth of your daughter she probably wasn't starving at all.

The message is and always has been that breast is best for a baby. Sorry to hear that your experience was so awful but it still remains that breastmilk is better for a baby.

tiktok yes it does sound contradictory. LO was very sleepy the first four days, I was told that this was due to the drugs I'd had during labour. No one ever mentioned that he might sleep to conserve energy. He continues to be a sleepy baby at 6 weeks.

I was told that milk transfer insufficiency would be easy to spot by LO not seeming satisfied after a feed. Plus feeding for 10-20 minutes at a time, and then needing fed again after 30 minutes.

It is strange that they refused to weigh your baby.

:( :( Sarry

It is quite wrong to allow a baby to sleep for lengthy periods postnatally - this can have a major effect on getting breastfeeding underway and indeed establishing supply for the future. If a baby is not feeding well within a few hours of birth, the mum needs to be helped to hand express colostrum and the baby should get this asap

It is very poor advice to judge milk transfer solely by a baby not seeming to be satisfied, or feeding again soon after. It's a question of observing a feed, looking at what's in the nappy, early weighing to spot too much weight loss, and getting in before problems grow.

You had poor care, from the sound of it :(

I never allowed him to sleep for more than 3 hours at a time when he was under 3 weeks old. He was (and still is) very difficult to wake at times, but I was told that this is normal for some babies.

I was told that it would be ok if he didn't feed in the first 48 hours after birth. I was at home 4 hours after giving birth, the midwife visited the next day.

Sorry, I did forgot to say for the milk transfer, that I was told how many dirty/wet nappies he should have over 24 hours. He was weighed ever day for 10 days, weight loss was noted on the 3rd day, and so I had to top up via bottle.

Sorry, pressed post too quickly!

I think my care from the midwives has been good if not great - but I hate this bloody obsession with BF, and not being given enough info about mixed/FF.

Sarry, I'm still thinking the care you had was not good.....it is hopeless for midwives and others to bang on about bf (to the point where it looks like obsession, as you say) if they are not able to help get it off to a good start :(

It's not normal for a baby to be difficult to wake in order to be fed within a reasonable time - this is a red flag. Healthy, well-fed babies don't need to be woken. It is appalling you were told it did not matter if he did not feed in 48 hours.....of course it matters. He does not need huge amounts of calories, but he does need the nourishment and fluid, even the small quantities of it in colostrum.

If babies are difficult to wake, then all is not lost, but this is a situation that needs to be fixed....eg by co-sleeping, skin to skin, hand-expressed colostrum (later ebm) given so the baby has some energy and keeps blood sugars up, and if weight loss is greater than is considered safe, further topping up with ebm (formula if not available)....though to do this on day 3 seems very early, but maybe he was in a bad way.

If the clinical need (or mother's choice) is for mixed feeding at that stage, then I agree - many mothers find themselves under-informed about how to do it, how long to do it for, and how to maintain the choice to breastfeed alongside it if that's what the mother wants.

Sarry, just seen your other thread :(

The care you had may have been kind and well-meaning, but it was pretty lacking...and it sounds like you were never told about the importance of night feeding, how undermining formula at night can be, and ways of bf safely in bed :(

Thank you for your replies tiktok

Sounds like you had a horrific time OP But don't agree that the breast is best campaign is what needs fixing. In my opinion Breast is best. end of story and the louder thats shouted the better! Yes there are a very small minority of people that cannot breastfeed. Just as there are a small minority who cannot produce insulin for example and in those instances thank god we have formula. Without it those babies would die and in the less civilised countries, probably still do. But really it should be a minority. As a mum of a ebf 11 month old, There seems to be far more people who feel they cannot breastfeed, than the statistics lead you to believe should actually exist. I think someone earlier mentioned that only 3 ? of babies are ebf at six months. So 97% of all mums either chose not to or do not succeed in carrying on.
Surely that points to something seriously wrong with not only the support needed to keep people breastfeeding, but also to the education needed to encourage people to do it in the first place.
Everyone is entitled to feed their child the way they feel is best but in my opinion the breast is best campaign should be forefront in maternity care. Not to make people feel bad if they genuinely can't but to try to encourage more people to try it in the first place.
It's what Nature intended. Yes, Sometimes mother nature goes wrong and if it does, thankgod there's formula. But as for those who simply chose to formula feed, like it's a lifestyle choice, I am afraid that doesn't sit very well with me at all and I think those are the people the so called 'bottle bashers' take issue with. Not those like op who tried but couldnt.

There seems to be a strong disconnect between the promotion of breastfeeding and presence of trained support. Promoting it without adequate support creates nightmare stories like OP's, and I'm sure many others, complete with guilt and all sorts of other mental/physical anguish. (I'm in the midst of my own saga, which I'm hoping will result in EBF, but that's not yet sure...)

I was going to use an example the different approaches to my odd chronic condition and its medication with regards to childbirth and breastfeeding (childbirth: triggered consultant lead care, with cardiologist and anesthetist involved as well; breastfeeding: nothing, although my own research showed the medication might lower milk supply so I looked into herbal/dietary galactogogues on my own), then it occurred to me it was even worse than that -- I did my own research (before I got pregnant, even) on the safety of my medication during breastfeeding, and determined it was safe (and two others I took weren't). Yet NO ONE ever discussed this with me, during pregnancy nor after. Shouldn't someone have said to me, either during pregnancy: "Are you planning on breastfeeding? Let's review your medications." or after: "I see you took these medications during pregnancy. We need to discuss their safety for breastfeeding." Instead I simply stopped the two inappropriate meds and kept going with the other. I find this a bit scary, and hope that not too many women fall through such cracks without having done their own research.