Overcoming br-f issues...and planning to ff?

[pugh]

I am due in 2 weeks time with nr 2. I am a professional and have a beautiful healthy 2 yo girl. This pregnancy has gone well and I am excited.

But I am getting so stressed at the thought of br-feeding. I struggled. I hated it. She was tiny and only started looking healthy & well when I introduced ff round 4mo. I don't actually feel like I can discuss it with anyone. DH will of course support whatever I feel but he also seems to remember things differently vs me.

The thought of sitting confined to a chair for hours on end with a tiny baby and unable to pay any attention to my eldest...

So. In short. Considering mixed or ff.

Any advice: how/when do you sterilise bottles?have an old tommee tippee microwave steriliser but lost instructions.

I can't discuss this with HV /MW as I only felt under pressure from them.

Unlike other posters/current threads-which I admire!- I am the opposite. Idont have this urge to try and br-feed/succeed/accept a small baby.

Maybe I am unrealistic and simply ff will not make early post natal period easier. Maybe I had bad blues and will again. But those days were so dark I am willing to try to alter something if this experience and actually try to enjoy -not resent-my newborn for the first3 mo.

Sorry for the long tale and thanks for reading.

I had an old Tommee Tippee steam steriliser too for my first two girls. I got a new Tommee Tippee microwave steriliser for dd3. Its a revelation, 4.5 mins in the microwave . Asda usually does it for around £10 on offer, you can get 4 bottles into it, both Tommee Tippee bottles and any generic wide neck bottle. I ff from birth so can't give any advice re mixed feeding. Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy and hope birth goes well.

Thanks everyone. I guess I needed to get it off my chest(no pun intended!) and am feeling a bit better. Been to soft play and saw lots of other moms with similar age gaps and different experiences but generally sounded more relaxed second time round. No doubt I'll be reporting back but yes:let's take a feed at a time and see how we go with intention not to beat self up/consider ff if all goes tits up...so to speak!

Just re your real life friends, don't assume that they won't be supportive. I am very pro-breastfeeding and fed DD1 for 21 months. dd2 is two months old and EBF. I hope they don't, but people might think I would be negative or judgemental or unsupportive if they chose to mix feed or ff. I really wouldn't. I strongly believe you need to do what is best for you and your family, whatever that choice is.

Where I find it tricky is when someone is struggling and saying they want to give up - it can be hard to know whether they mean they have made the decision (in which case I will be nothing but supportive) or whether it is a response to lack of help and really want to carry on (in which case, I would want to have made what suggestions for support I could). If I get that wrong, it's not because I'm judging someones decision, it's just because I want to do what they really want me to do, if that makes sense.

I suppose what I'm saying is, it might be worth giving real life friends a chance. They're your friends for a reason, right?

Secondly, and this is hard for me to admit, I probably felt similar to you with DD1. I had no problems breastfeeding, but I think becoming a mother is a big shock when you're used to being a professional career person. Suddenly I felt invisible, and instead of my serious responsible job, I would go weeks where the only people I saw were other mums and all my conversations were about poo and sleep and milk. It's big, and it's scary and, for me, it was the first time my life really diverged from DH's. Being a dad changed his life, but sure as hell not how it changed mine being a mum. So i felt a bit lonely too. Second time round has been a breeze! I have done all the adjusting about being a mother, and I've actually been able to do all that "stare at their eyelashes while they sleep and marvel and how perfect they are" that everyone talks about and I had no urge to do for the first few months last time. I suppose what I'm trying to say is that feeding may only have been part of it. And it may be different this time, like it was for me.

OP, you may like to consider talking to a NCT breastfeeding counsellor. They are very good at COUNSELLING, and will not pressure you one way or another. They can answer any infant feeding question you have - FF or BF. Ignore the "breastfeeding" part of their name!

0300 330 0771

secondtimelucky - great post.

Sorry, posted too soon. That was meant to be a smile. V sleep deprived today.

Much easier second time around for me. Milk came in much faster as well.

Dear ladies, apologies for not replying. but thank you so much for the replies and advice. second: I can hear my own feelings& thoughts in your post! And maybe that is part of my reluctance re admitting it to real life friends:it involves showing 'weakness'? Could that be it? Or admitting failure? Unsure of my exact feelings but they are a fab bunch of girls and were my rocks last time round. Maybe they had that very problem:unsure whether I truelly wanted to give up or whether I just needed more support. Maybe by well meaningly providing the latter I felt (in my hormonal head!) somehow pressurised.

All in all this pregnancy has been a much more positive experience. Last time work was a nightmare with lots of pressures& degree of bullying. Nne of that tHis time and have felt so much better. Maybe-hopefully!-it all plays a role.

Just gone through my hospital bag(s) again and thinking each twinge could be labour...nothing yet!

Thanks again!

I think it's a really, really hard balance. You don't want to let your friend down by not trying to help, but you don't want to make her feel bad either. I know how easy it is in your hormonal, tired, new mum state to feel pressure or guilt or failure when there is absolutely no reason to do so. I know I did about DD1's birth (lots of interventions. Felt bad that she'd been yanked into the world with forceps, although it doesn't seem to bother her now ).

Also remember that breastfeeding is like many things in life, some people find it easy, some difficult. I find breastfeeding a breeze most of the time. Rather than seeing failure or weakness, I am full of admiration for people who find it hard and continue and struggle and fight. I don't know how long I would have lasted with some of the challenges my friends have managed to overcome. It's a big of a glib example, but it's a bit like the fact that I'm not that impressed by my very slim friend who was back in her jeans a week after the birth - it's just the way she's built. I'm far more impressed by the people like me who seem to put on a very hard to shift 2 stone and get it off again over the next year!

Good luck with the labour, and whatever you decide to do on feeding. Taking it one feed at a time is fab advice, it frees you up not to feel confined by your initial approach.

Just relax, and if you want give her formula. Lots of people have been formula fed especialy those born in the '70's and '80's, it does not reflect on whether you are a good mother or not. I spoke to my GP about this and she said not to worry about it, that there really when it comes down to it is very little difference, and that too many women make themselves miserable trying to breastfeed. She is a new mother herself too. I might try bf, but will probably stick to ff to be honest.
If HW/MW put you under pressure, just ignore them.

Sorry for hijacking, just wanted to say Secondtimelucky, I think I love you! Great advice, and just what I needed to hear!

Pugh - I am having a similar experience and the most important thing is that you are enjoying your healthy, happy baby. FF or BF. Have fun!

Aw, thanks. Glad I was helpful.