Feeling lost with an unhappy newborn

[BungleBonce]

I am here because I am utterly lost. After a traumatic arrival (failed induction two weeks early because she was transverse, emergency caesarean and cardiac arrest), our five-week-old little girl is struggling to put on weight. She was 6lb, 1oz and is still under 7lb. I am desperate to breastfeed but have been told by my GP and a lone helpful nurse to try topping up with formula.

But she refuses both bottle and breast, screams all day even when held, and feeds so slowly I am sometimes tied to the sofa for 12 hours. She wakes herself from sleep regularly with sharp cries. Neither of us can sleep. I am getting maybe 4 hours per day. I am exhausted.

My health visitor will not visit, my midwives discharged me despite my tearful protestations that all is not well, and my GP is well meaning but just sends me away with advice to get her weighed regularly.

My husband is doing the meals and housework but he is also back at work, and I have no family or friends to help out. I miss meals because I am trying to comfort her and the house is a mess. I barely get out because I am terrified of not being able to feed her should she need it. I cannot feed her outside because she is so slow. I think she takes in too much air, which gives her pain, but she cannot get it out despite all our efforts. She also holds in her No. 2s until the end of the day, which seems to give her pain. That?s the only routine she has.

She is so unhappy and no one will help. No one will tell me how to administer top ups (what formula, how much, when, what technique) and I am being made to feel like a failure as a human being for not being able to produce enough milk. I would love to exclusively breastfeed but she was getting dangerously small. Even with the top ups she is still screaming and uncomfortable and not sleeping.

We cannot afford private healthcare but the NHS does not want to know about us.

We do not want our old lives back. We do not want a routine. We just want our baby to feed, put on weight and just look content once in a while. We have never been as tired or as unhappy and we are both tearfully ashamed at our dark our thoughts toward her are.

What can I do? Can anyone help?

Hi Bungle

Sorry things had to get so bad for you but really hope this is the breakthru you needed and that things will now get better. Hopefully as things improve your confidence will pick up too, after all you have coped with a crisis...

Hope you can now look forward to some easier times & some sleep!
Take care of yourself, Hun.

How are things now Bungle?

Hi everyone,
Again, thank you for the support, and apologies for the delayed reply to queries on how we're doing. The wee one and I were actually admitted to hospital on Thursday morning when she was checked in clinic and found not to have gained weight.
We were just discharged this afternoon when I begged to come home. I couldn't bear another night without support of husband (DH?), even though a couple of lovely night nurses would spirit her away for a few hours each night. We also weren't allowed out of our room because she's not immunised yet, which made it all a little claustrophobic.
But she had her meds upped while we were there and her feeds were monitored. Still doing combination feeds, which are best for her at the moment.
We're seeing some signs of improvement, which is good news, but I know there's still no overnight solution.
We do have a babybjorn, which we've found invaluable in the days before we went to hospital. She'd been too small to use it before that, but it's rapidly becoming our go-to when she won't settle.
Will definitely check out that osteopathy centre that a few of you have recommended.