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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

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Original poster

I'm a secret extended breastfeeder...

75 replies

bearhug · 08/07/2011 14:31

about to be 'found out'! Going on a camping holiday with sisters + their children. My DS is going to be heard loud and clear at 6 AM every day: I want Mammy's Milk! (repeat until I get him out of bed). He's nearly 3. He only has the early morning and bed-time feed.

I am going to have to explain. There is no answer other than he still likes it, and I don't mind.

OP posts:

TheRealMBJ · 09/07/2011 06:58

happyholidays I'm 25 weeks and still nursing. Come and join us on the pregnancy thread. We're not very fast moving though.

Shipscat · 09/07/2011 07:09

Not hugely extended here yet, as DD is only 18m, but I wondered when/if (and how!!) you stopped feeding DCs to sleep?
My DTs had their last feed at 19m, and by then they were only on 1 feed before their bath, but DD still feeds pretty much on demand, and once or twice in the night.

StealthPolarBear · 09/07/2011 07:12

Another one here - I fed DS until he was 4 and then I stopped, he didn't want to which makes me :( but it was the right thing for me. So I am no longer a weirdy extended bfer ....I thought, until I realised DD is 2 in September

StealthPolarBear · 09/07/2011 07:14

Shipscat, I stopped feeding DS to sleep when pg with DD (so DS about 20m). Partly deliberate & partly accidental. I'd settle down to feed him and need the toilet. I'd put up with it as much as I could but eventually I'd have to tell him I needed to go. Usually by the time I came back he'd be asleep which was amazing! Then it developed from there - by the time he was 3 he would have a feed then go to bed iyswim

Blindcavesalamander · 09/07/2011 07:15

Good Morning everybody'
I breastfed my first daughter until she was two and a half and wish I had known more about it and continued for longer. I fed my second daughter until she was four. I feel that it helped me to feel really close to her. I really enjoyed those nourishing and soothing feeding times.
www.laleche.org.uk/
Hopefully the above link will be really helpful. With all my hopes and wishes that you and your child can happily continue in your wonderful ways without any unsympathetic voices pushing you in a less natural direction.

Blindcavesalamander · 09/07/2011 07:19

www.laleche.org.uk/
Oh dear, I don't know whether my link is actually working. I've only just learnt how to do it. Perhaps it will be o.k. as a useful lead for google though. Sorry.

HappyHollydays · 09/07/2011 07:57

Thanks for the replies, I didnt mean to derail.

Truthsweet that's interesting about newborn v toddler milk. I feel a bit guilty because although I realised my mill had gone I didn't think to give DD anything as a substitute. She doesn't really eat yoghurts but she does have cereal with cows milk so perhaps she's ok.

Not looking forward to colostrum nappies. DD is just out of nappies, I wonder if we'll have to go back....

Anyway, I will join the pg and bf thread and ponder away there instead...

jugglingwiththreeshoes · 09/07/2011 08:17

I BF DD1 until she was 4.5 yrs, and still had to use a star chart and reward to wean her. DS until his sixth birthday, when I left him with Daddy for a few days and had a few days in the Lake District with a friend.
I think parents were a bit surprised when DS was born and I was still feeding DD ( aged 2.5) too, and ocassionally, though not often, at the same time !
That's why we have two breasts I guess - plus for twins !
So a two year old (nearly three) is nothing !
As with most developmental variations both my kids have obviously grown up fine.
They are very bright and very affectionate and sensitive to others. How much this is due to the extended breastfeeding I'll never know.
As for it being a secret, I think that as they get older and tend to be just having early morning and last thing at night feeds, it's natural that other people won't necessarily know about it. It's not most people's business anyway, so why would you tell them, especially when there's so much judgemental disapproval around.
Around the world it is certainly quite normal and average to be nurturing your child at three in this way.
Good luck for the holiday. I've found in similar situations with nice friends that though people may be surprised no-one says anything !

BumperlicicusTotalus · 09/07/2011 08:51

This is a nice thread (well, not the part about having to keep it a secret). With dd1 I stopped at 13 months as work was getting in the way and she no longer fed at night anyway. I wanted to go on for longer but we had a pretty difficult bfing relationship even at that stage.

With dd2 Im not sure. She loves bfing so it will be hard to stop but even at 10 months I'm feeling the weight of the tie of it. Doesn't help that she can be a difficult sleeper and ultimately I will have to sort her out. Maybe once we get passed the stage where she is so dependent on me I will see it as a nice benefit rather than a tie.

RobynLou · 09/07/2011 08:59

another secret bf-er here, well everyone knows I bf my 5mo, but they don't know I bf my nearly 4yo too.....

I think far more people do it than people realise - once you get past 18m then it's just easier to carry on than to stop!

TimeWasting · 09/07/2011 09:21

I think I consider 'extended' breastfeeding to be over 1 year old, as that's when it can be replaced with cow milk, rather than formula.
DS fed to 2 years 10 months, and I weaned him as it was uncomfortable due to pregnancy. I would have carried on longer if not pg I think, or if he'd been younger when I got pg.

I hadn't intended to be secretive about it, but I was aware of what some people thought of it so possibly didn't mention it, or stories including that aspect of caring for DS etc. but mentioned it when appropriate.
MIL nearly jumped out of her seat when I latched DS on at one time last year. I didn't even think she might not realise he was still being fed.

Not a very good bf area I live in, but there's another mum at playgroup who tandem feeds her 4 and 1 year old, though I've not seen her feed the 4 year old in public, but he feeds more than the baby apparently. I was so pleased to hear about her though. Don't feel quite so weirdy.

TruthSweet · 09/07/2011 09:35

HappyHollydays - DD1 did her colostrum poos in the potty and they were potty fillers! Each time my colostrum has come in I have been convinced that the DDs had stomach bugs and have called DH to let him know. Each time he has a sked me if they were mustard coloured poos......then the lightbulb flicks on in my head

TimeWasting - I've realised recently I consider 'extended bfing' to mean nursing a child of 8+ as that's about when most children would have/had adult teeth coming through. I do know I am more crunchy than most though I actually think DD1 weaned early-ish and she was 3.6y! Having said that I pass no judgment or criticism on other mothers what ever the duration of bfing.

EauRouge · 09/07/2011 09:43

I can't keep mine secret, I didn't know I was going to BF this long so we never came up with a codeword, hence 2.9yo DD1 yelling "I want booby!" whenever and wherever.

I agree that BFOC by Ann Sinnott is brilliant, every extended BF mum should read it. Also the Kathy Dettwyler site which has loads of good articles.

I have to admit that on some occasions I do find it a bit difficult but mostly I am happy to explain myself to people who think it's weird/unnecessary/whatever. I can even have a good laugh when someone says 'bitty'. What pisses me off though is when people don't even want to listen and learn about it and come out with 'sorry, that's just what I think'.

And god help anyone who ever tells DD1 directly that she shouldn't be breastfeeding any more!

Cadmum · 09/07/2011 11:27

Beautiful thread but it is a shame that we all fell/felt the need to be secretive...

I love the expression natural-term! I will add it to my vocabulary as I prefer it to 'extended' since the later has negative connotations. I also appreciate the links to health benefits.

I wish that I had know dd2 would be my last... I might not have 'rushed' to wean at 4.5.

mspotatochip · 10/07/2011 07:02

To be fair to my mum I was at the end of my tether before holiday and did want him to wean. But a few days away and his obvious distress when we came back changed my mind. As did realising I was going to loose his "off" swictch! He fell asleep late on the floor (playing happily) every night we were away. She however was on a mission.

Besum I had a mammogram last week, they knew I was breastfeeding, no issues.

Besom · 10/07/2011 08:13

Truthsweet I've just come back to this thread and noticed your response to me so thank you for that. I'll give them a phone about it.

AchtungBaby · 10/07/2011 09:05

Lovely thread, lots of interesting stories . There's a natural term BFing support thread here.

jugglingwiththreeshoes · 12/07/2011 18:36

Yes, it has been a lovely thread. So therapeutic to tell my stories and know I'm in such good company

Sossiges · 15/07/2011 17:59

This is a great thread, I feel more confident now about dealing with the snarky "you'll be breastfeeding her through the bars at school" nonsense that I get from people who should know better

msbuggywinkle · 06/08/2011 17:29

Brilliant thread! I think most people assumed that I stopped nursing DD1 at around 2, when she didn't feed in public very often any more. She actually stopped last month at 4.11, so a little bit longer than average!

I think she would have gone on a little longer actually but I'm pregnant with DD3. DD2 is 2.4 and showing no signs of weaning, so I imagine I'll be tandem nursing again.

For the poster who asked about nursing to sleep, DD1 stopped at about 4.3. DD2 now is read to sleep and nurses to sleep about 50/50, I haven't pushed it either time.

ScouseL · 06/08/2011 18:14

Glad I came across this thread. DS is BF at 20 months & showing no sign of stopping. I don't go out of my way to broadcast the fact but if it comes up in conversation am quite open about it. As a lot of you have already said - it's no one elses business!
We do baby sign language classes with DS so he just signs milk if he want a feed.

We had a family photo shoot done yesterday & he decided he wanted some milk half way through that so I just turned my back to the photographer & gave him a feed. Photographer was a young guy & his response was amazing.

pinkpanther67 · 06/08/2011 18:49

hey bearhug
congratulations!
5 years here........

MummyEilidh · 06/08/2011 20:12

Hello all, what a lovely heartwarming post, and what lucky little children to still be receiving the goodness of breastmilk! I am a very un-closet extended breastfeeder (too outspoken for my own good my husband would say perhaps)!
I have always been very open about breastfeeding my son (who will be 3 in a month) so much so that I recently started a blog discussing breastfeeding/bedsharing etc! Basically all the stuff the eyebrows start raising at!
If you're interested please take a look, the more likeminded mums the better!
nurturingstanley.blogspot.com/
:) xx

SnarkHunt · 07/08/2011 01:54

It never occurred to me pre-baby that there was any reason to bf after 6 months (no logic to that, totally ridiculous but for some reason that's what thought). Neither did it occur to me how weird it was that we as adults drink SO much cows milk, and things like ice cream, clotted cream (!!) etc. which I adore but are pretty ick if you start thinking about them. I'm sure a lot of non-bf people have the same pre-conceptions and the more people who feed and explain the bleedin obvious to ignoramus types like me, the more normal it will become.

Can I ask, do you notice that your breastfed toddlers get fewer illnesses than their non-bf peers or is it impossible to say? And did any of you have issues convincing your OH that it was a good idea? Just thinking ahead :0/

AngelDog · 07/08/2011 03:27

Kellymom has some links on bf'ing toddlers - yes, research suggests they do get fewer illnesses.

My DH was initially supportive of bf, but was muttering about winding it down by the time DS was 18 m.o.

DS went on nursing strike for nearly a fortnight at 13 months and DH suggested we might use that as an opportunity to wean. I pointed out that DS (and I!) were a lot more fraught when he wasn't feeding and DH agreed we should gradually drop feeds instead. After the strike ended, DS started flapping with excitement at the bedtime feed, and a couple of months later started 'asking' for milk (which he'd not done before). Once DH saw how much he enjoyed it / needed it, he was much more positive. DS is still fed on cue roughly 7x a day now at 19 m.o. and DH hasn't talked any more about weaning.

DH also likes the fact that I can deal with any painful injury easily, and that I do 100% of night wakings (DS and I co-sleep). DS hasn't been a very good sleeper for most of his life, (although he only wakes once most nights now and sleeps through about once a week) so that's been a big benefit.

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