So bloody sick of it - despite feeding constantly, DS is not really gaining

[Hopefully]

Having avoided HVs since DS2 was born, I finally gave in and took him for his 3 month check today. And, yup, he's slipped way down the charts, from the 50th at birth to below the 0.4th today (12 weeks + 2 days). Have posted about feeding frustrations here (in a nutshell, he feeds lots, doesn't feel like we've left newborn feeding pattern behind)

HV was very nice and non-alarmist, but referred me to GP, who I saw this afternoon. GP was reasonably concerned, especially as DS2 is pretty long and his head measures on the 75th percentile.

GP's initial suggestion was to express every feed and give it by bottle. At my face he agreed that perhaps I could try expressing and topping up.

I'm feeling so bloody down about this, as I was so relieved that our BFing relationship was going well - had a hell of a time with DS1 )colic, undiagnosed tongue tie, slipping down the centiles etc etc), and now my confidence is completely shot.

I just don't know what more I can do. DS2 is already feeding at least every 90 minutes round the clock (more like hourly or more during the day, very occasional 3 hour gap at night, but only about one night in 5), I am just about keeping on top of everything with very busy DS1 (2.9) to look after as well, and I just don't have the time or resources available to sit and pump for hours every day.

DS2 doesn't nap terribly well, so he has kind of got into the habit of feeding to sleep and dozing on and off in my arms, but I didn't think it was so 'bad' that he wasn't taking proper feeds, iykwim.

DP has already started mentioning formula more and more frequently, and I know he would quit happily give it as DS1 had a bottle a day from 10 weeks and 'he's fine' (DP's words). I am prepared to give formula if I really have to, but I would prefer to solve this with a BFing solution if I possibly can - seems a shame to ruin a good thing.

However, I just don't know what to do to solve it without formula! I feel like all my attempts to be more baby led this time (was a bit more routiney with DS1) have completely failed and I may as well not have bothered.

Help! Wisdom appreciated!

OP, I hope you get somewhere today. You are clearly very sensibly looking at this whole situation and know what's right for you (and know enough to separate well-meaning but incorrect suggestions on this thread from people who know more about BFing).

You may find this interesting:

milkmatters.org.uk/international-service-tongue-tie-talk/

Unfortunately BFC was away from BFing cafe today (typical - I get feeding trouble on Glastonbury weekend!), but a peer supporter and the BFing support MW were there and were both lovely and supportive. Both checked latch and agreed it looks fine.

We agreed that since DS is not dehydrated/lethargic/struggling to feed/unsettled at all that the best bet was to keep feeding as much as possible, do breast compressions to ensure he's getting as much out as possible, and reassess in 10 days at other BFing cafe in town (run by the same BFC).

Am feeling a bit better - obviously it would have been nice if there had been some easy solution like adjusting his latch, but for now it's a bit of a wait and see game.

I am glad you feel reassured and have decided on an action plan.

In other news, we gave him a whopping 1.5oz top up last night (which he grudgingly took, although wasn't hugely thrilled with a bottle), and promptly went an hour longer before his next feed (so effectively skipping a feed, for him). This suggests to me that he's not remotely interested in taking in more calories, which is reassuring, in a way. Obviously it might have been a coincidence, and we're going to keep offering expressed top ups for a few days and see if he appears to keep missing the next feed (therefore not really taking more, presumably) or if he's having those calories in addition to his feeds.

Hi there Hopefully, sorry to hear you've been having a tough time. Apart from the bf'ing issue I hope you are all well.

Remember that whatever you choose to do you don't have to rush into a decision. DS2 may not be gaining as quick as some would like,but he's not being starved either.

As well as doing compressions it may be worth doing some switch feeding (google it). The repeated gushes of the let down kept ds's interest and helped him feed for longer.

Chin up, feeding issues are so emotive and it's easy to feel guilty about it. But you addressing it and whatever it is, I'm sure it can be fixed.

Just to update, had him weighed again today and despite topping up once or twice a day with pumped milk and/or formula, he has gained a measly 3oz in 2 weeks. Most of which was probably milk in his tummy (hadn't fed for 2 hours last time, fed right before going in this time). We are waiting on a 'rapid response' paed referral.

Am feeling pretty about the whole thing. I don't see much of a way forward apart from pumping when I can and giving the rest as formula, so we at least know how many calories he's getting in.

I'm vaguely wondering whether we ought to bottle feed at night, as it's really hard to keep him awake for a full feed. I'm thinking DP could give him a bottle of expressed milk/formula and I can pump for the next bottle. Such a faff, but it's the only thing I can think of to up his calorie intake. No real time to pump during the day as he feeds at least every 90 mins and I have DS1 to look after too.

You poor thing. Surely if he is not bothered by actually drinking the top up and is happy, then he's not hungry for anything other than what you're bfing him. Someone has to be on the bottom percentile! I hope nothing is wrong and it's just how he is right now. Perhaps what missnevermind said is also relelvant to your DS2. Good luck with the paed referral.

Hi hopefully,

Just wanted to let you know that I had similar issues with my DD. Her weight steadily declined after birth.

The midwives were saying that the latch was fine, and she seemed to be on the breast constantly but she still didn't put on any weight. I was then advised by the hospital pediatrician to top her up with formalu. Since then she's put on weight fine. I do wish though I'd received more help with BF. Xx

Shame you're down Hopefully but at least a paed can check DS over and make sure there are no health issues causing the slow weight gain.

Maybe the paed could have a look for a tongue tie too?

Hope things get better for you soon, you sound like you're doing everything you can for him.

Well, paed was a big fat waste of time. Well, not really, but the only solution she was interested in offering was more formula. When I explained that top ups just mean that he goes longer till his next feed, or even skips his next feed (so therefore is just replacing BM with formula), she told me that was a good thing as it would give me time to make more milk . This was just before she told me my milk supply was low if I could only pump 1-2oz at a time . At this point I realised she had less understanding than me of BFing, so we compromised on small top ups every 3 hours, and a referral to the infant feeding specialist, who I can hopefully see on Friday (before my supply dimishes to nothing).

diminishes

Oh, and he weighed 50g more on hosp scales today than on HV scales yesterday, which mean the difference between following the thrive line and being below it. She didn't even mention that, I only noticed it when I looked in his red book afterwards.

Oh gawd, she obviously does not have a single clue about bfing .

Hope the infant feeding specialist is more use.