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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

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Original poster

Desperately sad :(

48 replies

ebmummy · 20/06/2011 14:56

DS was born 16 weeks ago, and I have been trying to EBF since then. We went from supplementing at the beginning (dodgy advice from the MW at my delivery unit) to just breastfeeding from week 3 onwards. It was bloody hard work, but I had the greatest sense of achievement doing it. And then my problems started!...

Basically for the past 4+ weeks, I have had a serious problem with my let-down reflex. I have loads of milk when I get let-down, but it's just getting to this point.. It started one morning for DS's 2am feed, and it's just carried on since then. One morning it took an hour to get the milk to flow through! It's just as well DS was so sleepy, otherwise would've kicked up a royal stink! I don't want to go back to formula, but don't know what the alternatives are. I have tried expressing till I get to let-down, but it's just as difficult-and not particularly practical at 2am in the morning! I am now using expressed bm, which I sometimes need, and sometimes don't depending on whether I've been able to successfully bf that morning or not.

Some days are better than others. But someone just has to mention 'how's your milk' when it all goes pear-shaped again! I have severe performance anxiety. I've tried EVERYTHING-relaxation (easier said than done), warm flannels, bachs rescue remedy, fennel tea, hot showers, kellymom website, LLL, fenugreek etc etc but nothing's helping. I just wish I can get over it...I just feel such a total FAILURE. Please someone say its only temporary and I can overcome it.

DS is lovely and bouncy, and it would abs break my heart if I had to give up BF altogether. Any advice? I haven't had any major stress or problems in my life, but this is becoming such a big problem for me...(sorry so long-winded) x

OP posts:

RitaMorgan · 21/06/2011 08:30

I would try to avoid bottles at the moment - maybe use a cup? Several friends who were mix feeding found that 4-5 months was the point their babies started rejecting the breast for the bottle as it was less work.

PenguinArmy · 21/06/2011 08:40

Hi OP

I had slow let down which I think was the cause of our fussiness. 4 months was just past the worse stage for us. Like rita we limited bottles at this point but I went back to FT at 4 months. I think after a while DD just adjusted and accepted she had to wait a while before getting to let down. If we could get to let-down she was fine, but state of mind can inhibit things.

I was on the verge of switching to full time expressing as it seemed far easier. We had about another month of occasional bottle feed in the middle of the night, but there were a lot of nights of long crying sessions before feeding (I am quite stubborn ). By 6 months it seemed like a nightmare that had happened ages ago and we finally got to the stage of BF being easy.

She had form for bottle preference and had had a nursing strike because of it, so it was an incredibly stressful and emotional time. Be easy on yourself, it tough and forget about doing anything else (if it happens it's a bonus). I was not afraid of her 'missing' a meal and feeding her once she was asleep or just woke up. Figured it was best for her in the long run, but this more during a nursing strike/peak fussiness

Sorry not much advice but hope it's of some comfort to you.

pinklizzie · 21/06/2011 08:45

Got to say I agree with Japhrimel. I never was able to express milk, but my baby always bf, even though some feeds seemed of a marathon duration.

I never needed breast pads. I never had a letdown like feeling, my breasts never seemed to leak but I've bf my baby so far until over 1 1/2 years. This includes gaps after 6 months where I worked full time but my baby never would talk any other milk and would seem to happily wait for me to be around...most strange at times.

My baby never took a bottle. Early on when working my breasts would feel a very full at times - but that was all really. At times I wondered how my baby could empty my breast yet I couldn't flaff around expressing.

However, at around 12 -16 weeks or when the baby was young it did sometimes feel as though all I was doing was bfing, bfing, bfing.

I don't know if that helps OP but I think it is wonderful that you have a lovely bouncy baby.

Original poster

ebmummy · 21/06/2011 09:29

Thanks for the advice ladies. I've been going through this problem for almost 5 weeks now, so have just decided to take it one day at a time and struggle through and see what happens. If I can make it to the 6 month mark then will be very happy! penguinarmy, would you suggest I let ds get really hungry before I attempt a feed, or the opposite? I'm not really worried about him missing a meal either-he's 16 weeks and 17 pounds!

OP posts:

pinklizzie · 21/06/2011 09:39

I know you are asking penguinarmy and I think I have the wrong end of the stick but at 16 weeks I'd never advise a baby getting too hungry nor missing a meal either... good luck with it!

PenguinArmy · 21/06/2011 14:47

no I'm not suggesting missing a feed on person, just saying sometimes she would cry through the meal and wouldn't feed, but she would get fed an hour later once she had cried herself to sleep. This was when she was displaying a strong bottle preference.

PenguinArmy · 21/06/2011 14:48

*on purpose

just saying it sometimes happened, wasn't ideal but there you go

peanutdream · 21/06/2011 15:29

ebmummy, let me get this straight . he is 16 weeks old, 17 pounds and you have bf him exclusively since 3 weeks old. girl, you must be doing something right. just keep going and forget about it all! chill out chicken! keep calm and just carry on . trust trust trust.

peanutdream · 21/06/2011 15:34

'there was no way ds was going to suckle for 5 mins!'

haha was he having a protest? well he'll have to learn that that is what it takes to get the milk. if he wants milk, he'll have to suckle. its a learning curve for both. he needs to realise that that is what it takes to get some nice warm booby milk. its very good for their jaw muscles btw so its good for him. otherwise you will endlessly be expressing and defrosting and worrying and fretting! let him do the work! you just sit back with a cup of tea (not too hot ) and let nature and your 17lber do the rest .

hth x

Original poster

ebmummy · 21/06/2011 16:08

Thanks lovely ladies.. I feel much better. Had a bit of a melt-down and lots of crying today (and that was just me and not DS!), but figure I gotta grow a pair, and just get on with it!

peanutdream, if only he will learn! I always had a really quick let down, and he'd gotten used to that. I wish I had your confidence...

OP posts:

peanutdream · 22/06/2011 08:41

haha easy for me to say when not in the situation. hope you sort it all out. perhaps a good cry and a meltdown will have helped :) hope so x

PenguinArmy · 22/06/2011 08:49

quick let down is normal in the first few months when BF is still more hormonal driven. 3-4 month is a lesser known but still common time for problems as body regulates itself even better.

I honestly didn't think DD would get there either but she did. It helped me to bare in mind that even though it seemed to pass really slowly, a few weeks is a life time for a baby and it's feeding habits; it is often a very different situation by then. Doesn't stop it being an emotional mess mind, but might make it more sustainable for you

CamperFan · 22/06/2011 10:30

well said peanutdream!

sc2987 · 22/06/2011 22:06

You could try masturbating - oxytocin is released at orgasm, and is the same hormone which triggers let-down!

Original poster

ebmummy · 23/06/2011 12:58

Thanks for the advice sc2987, but I barely get enough time to brush my teeth these days let alone masturbate...

OP posts:

peanutdream · 23/06/2011 16:26

rofl :) hope you're ok ebmummy - i saw your post on the Is Breast Best thread - do you want to carry on?

Original poster

ebmummy · 23/06/2011 16:47

peanut-desperately more than ANYTHING..

OP posts:

peanutdream · 24/06/2011 08:14

how's it going ebmummy?

Original poster

ebmummy · 25/06/2011 02:04

peanut, a bit hit and miss really. Managed to breastfeed all day yesterday, which was great but woke up for a feed just now and n

OP posts:

Original poster

ebmummy · 25/06/2011 02:08

Sorry, posted too early! Woke up this morning, and try as we might, no let down.. Am feeling much better in myself though. Have stopped the self-flagellation. Just thinking if it happens, it happens and ifnot, then to feed ds with pre-expressed bm, express that session and try again at the next feed...

OP posts:

peanutdream · 25/06/2011 09:53

good plan ebmummy. i'm sure you will look back on this and think 'what a bizarre phase that was...'

i know you said you'd tried lots of things but this is interesting from kellymom - there might just be something you haven't tried good luck x

Original poster

ebmummy · 25/06/2011 10:59

Thanks peanut, I have tried doing that though... Sometimes works and sometimes doesn't..

After disasterous 2 feeds this morning, managed to breastfeed twice, so like I said, quite hit and miss at the moment. I also think he's doing the 17 week sleep regression thing cos he was up 6 times last night, so of course that doesn't help either! All fun and games at ours at the moment lol :p

OP posts:

peanutdream · 27/06/2011 13:37

i found 16-20 weeks hard - at times he fed all bloody day it seemed and he appeared to lose the ability to chill out and sleep for longer periods! there are more sleep regressions too! total fun and games . i look back now and laugh ... (he's coming up to 2 now and i feel really good about persevering through the crazy times - at times i wonder how on earth i did it! i'm sure you will too haha)

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