How many people exclusively bottle feed

[KatyN]

Hello, I'm currently 15 weeks pregnant and seriously considering not breast feeding. I suffer from depression and I worry that the physical exhaustion might be too much for me. I would also like to ensure that my husband and extended family can feed baby for their bonding and also to support me. (I also take medication and there is no clear evidence that it won't effect my milk.. tbh this is a secondary reason).

I've spoken to my GP who immeadiately said I should exclusively bottle feed and stop worrying. I have yet to broach it with my midwife!! any friends I've mentioned it to suggest I am crazy because it's so good for my baby.

However, I wondered how many other people just bottle feed.. from day 1. Currently I feel like I'm the only women in the western world who's even considering it. I'd also like to know of anyone's experience of midwives/hospitals/members of the random public judging me.

[and I promise I'm not a student or a journo or anything.. I'm just a frightened lady in Bristol!]

thanks
katy

my experience of bfing was that most of the professionals would rather I ff as it caused them fewer troubles so I wouldn't worry there.

bf women often get more sleep than ff ones though, and the oxytocin can help lift you, so don't discount bfing entirely, you could give it a go but stop if it doesn't happen easily for you?

I don't know but I can talk to you about minimising tiredness and BFing with depression if you want.

Hi Katy,

You're certainly not alone if you bottle feed - around 30% of women start bottle feeding on day one. It is a very personal decision and in my experience nearly everyone will respect your choice, although some rude people feel it's ok to comment (that applies to both breast or bottle!)

However, you might find that breastfeeding could be best in your circumstances. A breastfed baby is far easier to soothe quickly at night (more sleep for everyone) and the hormones released during bfing really do give a natural high. As for bf being exhausting, well, most babies are tiring however they are fed! And when you are bfing you are forced to sit down on the sofa, relax and go at the baby's pace. If someone else is bottlefeeding you might find yourself rushing around doing other jobs.

You're still early on in your pregnancy so there is plenty of time to research. Good luck with the pregnancy and whatever you choose

my big sister did.
she didn't want to Bf at all, but she did concede that if the baby had taken to her breast then she would have done.
the baby didn't, so she fed formula from the very beginning.

she has no regrets about it, and feels she's done the best thing for her and the baby.

I tried breastfeeding, for the first month, and had such a hard time with it that I started to exclusively express my breastmilk and then bottle feed it to my son. Needless to say my milk supply has now dwindled and we're on formula. Thing is, the oxytocin released from breastfeeding really is wonderful, and shouldn't be underestimated- however, I had such a hard time from the pressure of trying to breastfeed 'properly' (we had a poor latch), a month of being in too much pain to hug my partner, and crispy nipples, it just wore me down emotionally so much. I would say give breastfeeding a go if your medication allows it- you may take to it straight away- but keep an eye out for those emotional demons and switch straight to formula if you start to feel worn down by it. But at the end of the day, don't worry too much. I think the pressure to breastfeed from both society and the NHS is overwhelming.

Hi Katy, I've just had dd3 (14 weeks ago), all 3 of my daughters, have been exclusively formula fed from the first feed. I was asked several times in my first pregnancy about how I was going to feed the baby, I told the midwife I wasn't sure, took all the info and then as soon as dd1 was born, they asked again and I told them I was formula feeding and that was that. No-one shouted at me, (well apart from my mum ).

I have always been out and about with my baby and have never really felt judged but to be honest I don't really care, have never felt an ounce of guilt. Each to their own. Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy.

I can't answer your question but a friend of mine had pnd with her first and was recommended to bf to help keep it at bay with her second. I have a friend who ff from day one and there was no issue with the midwives, but perhaps be open minded about it you can always stop if it is too tiring for you.

Just have a good think about it all and then do whatever you think is best for you and your baby. Don't worry about other people judging you because this is your baby and it's nobody elses concern how you choose to feed your baby. :) Good luck with your pregnancy.

Congratulations on your pregnancy.

dd1 was exclusively formula fed from 3 weeks
dd2 was exclusively breastfed to 4.5mo

whatever feeding method you choose, the first weeks are very hard. getting practical and emotional support on board will be important to your well-being. I think so much about feeding depends on your individual baby - some are naturals, latching well from day 1 (like dd2), and some start to do long stretches in between feeds early on. if breastfeeding works well then it can be more convenient and less stressful than ff, which can be a bit of a faff in the early days. you'll work out what works best for you and your baby. stuff what anyone else thinks.

I made MY cjhoice and FF all mine, all four of them. I have 4 seriously bright wonderful children, nothing made disturbed them because they weren't BF. Your choice, your body, your life. That's it. People can have opinions, they can spout all the arguements for and against BF, but they can't prove anything. It's your choice and congratulations on the baby!!

Both my DCs were bottle fed from the very first feed. I attached a post-it to the front of my maternity notes to say that I intended to ff unless the urge to bf suddently came over me post-delivery, and that I did not wish anyone to try to persuade me to bf - and nobody did. My wishes were completely respected.

There was one horrible health care assistant on the postnatal ward who was exceedingly rude about my choice to formula feed; however, I pointed out not very politely that if she had pushed the baby out of her vagina, she would certainly have a say in how it was fed. However, she hadn't, therefore she didn't.

Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy and whatever you decide to do re. feeding.

I think that the vast majority of women do start out trying to breastfeed. many don't get the support they need, and many want to mixed feed, others just decide to move to formula for other reasons

I have to admit that I find it really, really hard to udnerstand why people wouldn't at least try and breastfeed. At least the colostrum, which is just sooooo ridiculously important for newborns.,

It just seems odd to me that someone would refuse to try something, when they have no idea what it will be like.
So my advice would be to keep an open mind. When baby is born then maybe give breastfeeding a go. If you hate it then you don't have to continue, but you may find that you like it, and that you feel you want your baby to have this. Maybe you'll decide to mixed feed, or express so that others can feed the baby...

it doesn't have to be all or nothing, and any breastmilk your baby gets will benefit it, so don't feel that any formula given will totally negate the goodness of any breastmilk.

It isn't a decision you have to make now, you can wait until baby comes and then just take it a day at a time

def agree with BF being easier from a tiredness point of view.

nighttime feeds are so much easier!!!

Yes, I know of some women who have - their kids are very healthy and fine, intelligent, well behaved. There's a funny anecdote from someone we know that her first child was exclusively breastfed and has all sorts of allergies and minor health issues, the second was exclusively formula fed and is fit as a fiddle! I still believe in breastfeeding and have done so but just to warn mums that breastfeeding isn't a magic bullet or the holy grail, you breastfeed because you want to and not because it has magical powers. Quite a lot of women in western and industrialised countries bottle feed. The important thing is that baby gets fed. And if there is any concern at all that medication you take hasn't been noted to be safe for babies when breastfeeding it is safest for baby to have formula.

plenty of women do ff from the start, but I honestly don't think that ff will stop you being tired - having a baby makes you tired, and either way to feed can be hard work.

As for bonding with the baby, there are plenty of things other than feeding that can be done - bathing, carrying in a sling, playing etc, feeding is not the be all and end all of bonding.

IMO in the long run, bf is much easier as once you've cracked it there is no washing/sterilsing of bottles etc, you just latch the baby on and carry on mning reading your educating novel or whatever.

ps congratulations :)

I exclusively FF'd from the outset for very similar reasons - different illness (epilepsy) but need enough sleep, was taking a relatively new drug with unknown effect on children, wanted others to be able to help out whenever necessary. My DS is now 4 and is bright, slim, healthy, eats any food. We had no issues bonding.... Ummm now trying to think of other ways in which he should have been inadequate as a result of the way I chose to feed him but can't!
My GP said not to tell anyone he'd said this, but that the decision to FF was the best one I could have made.
The only people who were at all judgey were the stupid NCT witches who said there was no point me doing the post-natal part of the course if I wasn't going to breastfeed and made me feel really crap at a time when I was feeling vulnerable anyway. Healthcare professionals were extremely supportive and helpful. And occasionally people felt entitled to ask why I'd made that choice, but I just told them. And none of them seemed to think (or to want to say!) that I'd done the wrong thing.
For about the first 12 weeks someone else (my mum, then a nanny) had DS for an entire night once a week and I had a full night's sleep, which was fantastic and made a world of difference to my ability to cope.
At the end of the day, your health and well-being will have a bigger impact on your baby - and on your experience - than the kind of milk it drinks. IME a happy and healthy mother makes a happy and healthy baby.
Good luck and enjoy it!

The breastfeeding rate in this country is low, you won't stand out. It's not even your midwifes business, it's your choice.

I've suffered from depression in the past, and was very worried about how I was going to be post birth. There's no denying that it was hard going, I was knackered etc, but I would have been tired no matter which way I fed.

I appreciate that if I had bottle fed then other people could have fed the baby, but as we had no family nearby most of the time it was just me and DH, who was out of the house 7am-6pm. I found that I could lie down and breastfeed which did help.

Also I would say that although you get bombarded with the '6 month' message, it was more helpful for me to think I would try one feed and see how that went, then try another and so on. Even that first feed of colstrum is good stuff. People say to take it one day at a time, but to start with I focussed on one feed at a time.

Also, notice that you are in Bristol - I am too, and have met-up with many lovely MNers in the last 5 years, just to let you know that there are nice people out there regardless of how you feed your baby.

I know several people who only wanted to bottlefeed and all of them said once they'd made it clear they didn't want to breastfeed to healthcare professionals nobody badgered them to change their minds. I think most of them met the odd bf-ing friend or family member who had a go at changing their minds (with varying degrees of tactfulness) but I had family and friends encourage me not to breastfeed so you'll get that kind of crap/thoughtful but unnecessary advice either way.

You certainly aren't crazy to be considering bottles but you don't sound like you hate the idea of breastfeeding as my bottlefeeding friends did. You sound like you like the idea but are a bit frightened about whether it will exacerbate your depression. That isn't something anyone can predict in advance.

Rather than making a decision now can't you decide to give a first feed and see how it goes? The first few feeds of colostrum really boost your babies immune system and also help your body to recover from the birth. It isn't all or nothing either, many women mix breastfeeding with the occasional bottle successfully.

It's great that you are thinking about how you will cope following the birth of your dc if you are vulnerable to depression. As others have said, a lot of women do ff feed from birth so you would not be alone. I think if you are confident in your choice then HCPs will respect this.

Do take time to consider all aspects, however. The hormonal perks of bf'ing are great (and mean you can co sleep, which is fab for maximising sleep!) and there are anti-d's like sertraline that you could take.

If you decide you would like to ff then you could consider offering the baby colostrum and then switching when your milk comes in? Just taking a day at a time might work. You can switch at any time.

Most important, do talk to your mw about your mh worries and make sure the support you need is in place. Good luck and congratulations on your pregnancy!

So much of this depends on the new baby. My DD wakes a lot but is a very quick BFeeder and so I get back to sleep much quicker than if I FFed. However, if you have a slow feeder, don't co-sleep and they wake a lot then FFing might be quicker at night. You won't now until your LO arrives.

Why not prep everyone (DH, family and Healthcare) that you will be deciding on a feed by feed basis and you just want unconditional support. BFing has benefits but bear in mind that these are statistical and plenty of people have snuffly, ill, allergic BFed babies and well-behaved, intelligent, healthy FFed babies. Congratulations.

I haven't FFed but would have if I thought it was best for the family. The family, not the baby at the expense of everyone else. If you feel it is best for your family, lots of us EBFers will support you

I ff both my DDs from day 1. DD1 is 4 next week and DD2 is 13 weeks.

I can honestly say that I have never felt judged or like I stand out. Most of my friends ff their babies.

Do what you think is right. Could you give breastfeeding a go but if it doesn't work out, switch to bottles?

Haven't read as have to go to work, so sorry if repeating what has been said- I tried and failed to breastfeed, and I found making up feeds and sterilising both exhausting and stressful. I freaked out many times that I was making the bottles up wrong and would harm dd, it is hard work.

Actually, ff can mean you get a night off once in while, when your partner can take over the feeds, so if exhaustion is a trigger for your depression, it might be a sensible route to take as you can bank some full nights of sleep. You can still have wonderful eye contact when feeding, and it gives you the chance to let other people help you out if you need it, without a physical barrier of engorgement, pain...whatever. I tried bf til 7 weeks...it just didn't work for us, poor latch, Tongue tie, infections, cracked nipples...the lot. I have never suffered from depression but those weeks were the lowest I have ever felt, I felt a failure, the pain made me s miserable, I resented feeling like a milking cow, and being stuck to one spot feeding in pain. Of course this is TOTALLY my own experience, and so many women have wonderful bf experiences! I think the pain was my downfall, and i just want to show that the FF route is sometimes a positive escape for some of us, and not a cheat or failure. Do not let people judge or bring down. You clearly care massively for this baby already, and that is wha matters. All the best for the res of your pregnancy.