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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

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Original poster

Bfing in public - Have you ever had any nasty comments?

51 replies

Gemtubbs · 25/05/2011 04:25

Hello.

I breastfed my DS1 until he was 9 months, but I always felt a little awkward when feeding in public and tried to avoid it whereever possible. It's horrible that we're made to feel this way. Got DS2 on the way now and planning on BFing again. I never did get any nasty comments before from anyone in public, but I was just thinking about what I would say if someone did have a go. Have you ever had any comments from people when feeding in public? What would you say to these people?

Thanks.

OP posts:

TheresAHuppoInMyHouse · 25/05/2011 14:27

Best comment I've had was from a cafe owner in Sicily, who stopped working when she saw me bf dd, spread her arms wide and, beaming, loudly announced, 'Bravissima mama!'. Total public endorsement!

At home in the UK, no-one ever notices, or if they do, they don't show it. I felt self-conscious at first, but am not at all bothered now.

thesurgeonsmate · 25/05/2011 14:28

jaffacake, I love the ending to your story about the purchase of the small toy to make amends! I have never had any comments. I did once notice some people shifting seats, and I did speculate that perhaps it was less the feeding and more the inane commentary from me that was bothering them. I tried not to blether loudly to the baby while I was latching her on after that.

ninedragons · 25/05/2011 14:38

On the contrary, I have found that people in general either don't notice or are charming, and waiters positively fall over themselves to get you a glass of water/extra cushions/magazines. I am sure I could ask any waiter in my area for a back rub and a manicure while I'm on the job, and they'd oblige!

catwhiskers10 · 25/05/2011 14:39

I never fed in public apart from when we were on holiday in Spain last year, never had any comments at all (don't think anyone noticed) but one man in the airport just kept staring and I felt so embarrassed. It wasn't as if anything could be seen apart from the back of DDs head so I don't know what he was looking at.
If I had had any negative comments my reply was going to be 'good job your great gran didn't think like that or you wouldn't be here!'

organiccarrotcake · 25/05/2011 14:40

Nothing negative but lots of positive comments and people chatting to me about it. Really pleasant :)

D0G · 25/05/2011 14:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Babieseverywhere · 25/05/2011 15:06

Not off strangers, just my own family :( but that was with DD1, I grew more of a backbone after that and had accordingly less comments with DS and no comments with DD2.

Strangers have been nothing but polite and pleasant.

SlightlyScrambled · 25/05/2011 16:03

Never a bad comment or even a bad look from anyone.

Dreaded it the first time but then realised most people are busy doing their own thing.

moomsy · 25/05/2011 16:12

I am due my first DD in Sept and I plan to breastfeed for as long as I possibly can.

I am sure will be a little embarassed at the start when time comes that I am out and about and have to feed the child.

Unfortunately not many people are used to breastfeeding and this seems to include my boyfriend's family.

I really hope I don't get any bad comments. They will get a slap!

Jaffacake: well done for standing your ground. I would have told her where she could stick her lunch ;o)

chocolateyclur · 25/05/2011 16:28

I had a few tuts and eye rolls aimed at me, but nothing direct from strangers.

I was, however, asked to feed in the toilet if I "had" to bring my 4 month old to my friend's wedding, as his bride didn't want any sort of "distractions" in the reception. Whilst my boobs were HUGE, I hardly think they would have caused a massive stir (except through a couple of rather tedious speeches?) - in fact I think that my friend and I going into a toilet cubicle whilst I fed, and her yelling "holy crap, your tits are ENORMOUS" whilst at least 3 other people were in cubicles probably caused more gossip and distraction.

Ex's parents weren't big on the breastfeeding idea either (especially as I fed past that magical 6 month mark, shock horror) - I usually felt too uncomfortable to feed around their house and took myself out to the car.

AngelDog · 25/05/2011 21:33

Never had any negative comments or even a bad look, although my parents have started to be at the way my 16 m.o. has started grabbing at my top when he wants a feed.

The only 'negative' comments have been from other mums about 'when do you plan to stop / how long are you going to feed for', but I think they're just interested, not negative.

A few people have smiled in a 'lovely to see a bf baby' kind of way, and people I know have said nice things about me feeding DS. :)

emsyj · 26/05/2011 00:01

I fed DD in public very regularly until she stopped having daytime milk feeds at age 10 months. Never had any negative comments or even so much as a curled lip or dirty look.

Someone in a cafe complained to the owner about a friend of mine feeding her baby, but the cafe is bf friendly so they told him to bog off.

pearlgirl · 26/05/2011 00:12

Currently bf number 4 and have never had a negative comment when out in public - lots of nice smiles and kind comments from older ladies. In the very early days with ds1 I did have a couple of odd comments from close family members but that phase soon passed and I think they now know I'll just get on with it wherever we are.

ladysybil · 26/05/2011 00:13

never

GetOrfMoiCase · 26/05/2011 00:27

Never had a negative comment. And this was 16 years ago in a distinctly non-BF area.

Just lots of older women nodding and smiling and saying nice things.

I BF all over the place until dd was 3 months. I always felt thoroughly comfortable.

GetOrfMoiCase · 26/05/2011 00:29

Lovely thread, this.

Makes a change from some of the mad ones you see on the subject.

madwomanintheattic · 26/05/2011 00:42

i've never had any negative comments.

i think i may have upset a woman feeding a few month's ago though. she was sitting on the floor in the corridor to the underground car park, about 100 yards away from either a food court or a coffee shop in each direction. she was with her dp, and they also had a toddler/ pre-schooler with them. bags of shopping strewn about, pushchair abandoned. it looked as though she had finally said 'that's it, i have to feed that screaming baby now! and sat down.

i passed them on the way out from the car and was only in the shopping centre for about ten minutes. when i passed them on the way back, it occurred to me that they might not know the cafe/ seating area was so close (it's a very touristy area) so i said 'the food court is just a minute or two away - the escalator is just around the corner' and smiled in what i hoped was a 'good on ya, but you might be more comfortable somewhere less filthy and draughty' manner iyswim.

i angsted about it afterwards, worried that she was in the corridor for privacy (but it is a busy walkway to the car park lol) and it wasn't any of my business etc etc. but i wanted her to know i thought it was fine to bf in the cafe or the food court, if she wanted to. i hope she didn't think i didn't want her bfing in the walkway... i don't care where people bf, just wanted her to be more comfortable and not feel as though she had to bf on a filthy concrete floor!

so now i just smile and walk on. i don't want to make anyone more self-conscious if they are already worried!

KnitterNotTwitter · 26/05/2011 11:17

No negative comments here - some oogling when I bf-ed in a greasy spoon cafe, but I like to think I provided a nice distraction from the page 3 girl - at least I was showing what boobs are really for....

I bet no-one bottle feeding has ever had a 'supportive smile', 'thumbs up' or 'Bravissimo Mama'....

BagofHolly · 26/05/2011 11:29

This thread was all lovely until it suddenly got smug. What a shame.

smallpotato · 26/05/2011 12:21

No negative comments. The occasional slightly embarrassed shifting in seat, averting of eyes etc, particularly if I've been on the train, but I usually just smile to try to make people realise I'm not uncomfortable or embarrassed.

I had a woman come over to say 'good for you' very loudly in a drs waiting room, which was nice, if a little weird!

smallpotato · 26/05/2011 12:21

I had a woman come over to say 'good for you' very loudly in a drs waiting room, which was nice, if a little weird!

blackcurrants · 26/05/2011 18:31

10 months so far, and no negative comments at all. Lots of people musing about how much their baby fed, how big DS is (he's a monster) etc, and some lovely smiles from old ladies, some nice waiters bringing drinks, cushions, etc. Some conspiratorial grins from other pushchair mums, etc - basically, a good vibe from everyone!

DH said he saw someone staring/scowling in an airport lounge this xmas, but I didn't. and DH is fiercely protective of my right to feed ds wherever, and so may have been imagining it.. I've always had my paddington bear Very Hard Stare ready, and never needed it!

TotallyUtterlyDesperate · 26/05/2011 20:34

When I was feeding DS2 in a pub about 18 years ago I had a strange moment. We were all having a nice lunch in the "family room" with DS1 and DH and I had put DS2's car seat on the table in front of me. An elderly man came over and said "Are you doing what I think you are doing?" I braced myself for a confrontation and felt DH bristle next to me. Then the man said " Good for you, I think it's great!" And proceded to tell me all about how he could remember his aunty breastfeeding him when his Mum was at work!!!

RainbowShite · 26/05/2011 20:40

I developed a special death stare to use on any one who looked disapproving.

SarahScot · 26/05/2011 22:16

I got told off for an old lady the other day when I was breastfeeding . . . she told me to stop using the pashmina I had round DD and I as I shouldn't be hiding, I should be proud.

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