I have decided to stop breastfeeding, but i really don't know how to go about it.

[SupersonicDave]

DS is 9m and has done well with the feeding. He is a big baby (in 12-18m clothes)

He is on 3 meals a day as well as the odd snack (it is easier to give him some water and half a breadstick when his sister has a snack to stop him stealing hers!)

Until a week ago he was feeding on demand (up to around 8/9 times a day) but when feeding he was only snacking and easily distracted. So i decided to cut him down to 4 feeds a day and then one 'night' feed (around 4/5am) in the hope that he would feed 'properly'. The first couple of days went quite well, but now he is getting quite aggressive with me if i don't feed him when he wants it. Scratching, hitting, biting, grabbing my face/clothes etc and i am really not happy. I know he is teething (he has 4 huge teeth already) so that will not help.

I think the time has come to stop, i am no longer enjoying feeding him, he is getting increasingly clingy and i feel he is the one in charge. I cannot be in a room with him without him crying and pawing at me, and i cannot cuddle him without the scratching/grabbing etc.

How do i stop? He has never really taken to a bottle, he will use a cup and can drink through a straw, but i am not sure how to get him to have all the milk he needs without bfing.

In an ideal world i would still bf morning and night, but i feel this may just confuse him.

Help?

I think your son may be trying to tell you he needs to bf and to go from 8/9 times a day on demand to 4 structured feeds a day would be quite confusing to a baby I feel.

Breastfeeding isn't just about milk for most babies and they often bf for reasons that have nothing to do with hunger (which is fine, absolutely normal and to be expected). To suddenly deny these needs might be quite bewildering to a baby. They have nursed for tiredness, for pain relief, for closeness to mum, for warmth, for a chance to re-group and loads of other reasons and then, out of the blue, they are expected to not receive those forms of comfort and support from their mother.

I know sometimes we all feel if 'I have to nurse again I'll run off screaming' but unless there is a pressing reason to wean (need to take incompatible medication, etc) could you postpone weaning for a little while longer? It just sounds like he is not ready to lose that part of his relationship with you.

I do appreciate that, and now i have got this far i feel i would like to wean painlessly (or as much is as possible) for both of us. I never thought i would still be bfing at 3m tbh, so very proud of us.

I know it sounds selfish, but i think i have had enough. Even when feeding on demand he would be trying to help himself when it was not necessary. I want to be able to just cuddle my son iyswim?

This is not something i want to do cold turkey if i can help it, and i want to remember feeding as something i enjoyed, not the battle it became at the end. I know this sounds very me, me, me.

At the weekend DH had to be in another room with DS because when with me he was nightmare, even if he had just fed. When away from me he was completely fine.

It is really stressing me out.

Bfing and cuddling are not mutually exclusive and weaning doesn't need to be a battle but weaning quickly doesn't seem like it is working for your son.

Bfing an older baby/child can be very rewarding and you don't have to do it all on their terms. Nursing manners can be taught from young age so that you get the space and freedom from 'pawing' and baby gets their needs met too.

Though if you are really sick of it may be you might just have to put up with the tantrums whilst you do wean, if it is really important to finish nursing now. I don't mean that in a nasty way but like anything you have to weigh up the pro/cons of a decision and choose what seems the most important to you even if there is only 1 pro and 25 cons - if the pro outweighs all the cons then that's what you choose.

Good luck and I hope you find a way that makes everyone happy (or at least tolerable ).

I know you want to stop but can I point out that 9 months is often a time when separation anxiety kicks in.

With the weaning there is a book called 'How Weaning Happens' which might be helpful and maybe stop pushing quite so hard.
I remeber this stage very well and thinking NOT AGAIN!!!!! Wha about your DH spending a bit more time with him at weekends and maybe giving you a lay in so you get a bit of time to yourself?

Thank you for your replies.

DH spending more time is a bit of a struggle tbh. DH works funny hours, and can find DS a struggle (usually because DS wants the boob!) so not all in all very helpful.

I am aware that 9m is a clingy stage, i remember DD being the same, but as she was not bfed, it was a different sort of clingy iyswim?

I think it is hard to come up with a decision one way or another as it is not clear cut. I am going to see our BF counseller (sp?) tomorrow for a bit of advice/help.

I can really sympathise as both my boys have been similar 'frequent nursers' at around the same age. It can be really wearing and I remember feeling annoyed as he didn't seem to need it (nutritionally).

However, looking back there was a lot going on with him physically (teething, crawling/walking) and mentally (separation anxiety) and he wasn't doing it out of hunger, he was just 'touching base' so to speak when he felt a bit icky or out of his depth.

It's HARD to respond to each and every request (I certainly didn't) even if you know the reasons behind it and I definitely felt irritated by it.

You need to do what you think is best for you BOTH, but he may be finding it harder than you expected because of the above.

Ah, my DH was/is the same. 'tis a pain. He would often come home having done a 12 work day with travelling on top and the last thing he wanted was to be handed a squeaky baby! DS1 went through a tricky bedtime stage when DS2 was 6-7 months and Dh used to just pop him in our sling and he would go to sleep in there. Would that maybe be an option or is you DH often just not in the house in the evenings/when he's most 'clingy'?

Strangely, evenings are a good time, and he is very good going to bed and not feeding to sleep. It is during the day (especially the morning) which is the worst.

I think one of the things i find particularly hard is that any more than the 4-5 feeds and he pukes it all up anyway

It does seem (at this stage) that bfing is a life sentence!

hHave you tried going out lots so he's distracted all the time? Never worked for me it just meant my boobs got flashed at lots of people but works for some

yes we do go out lots, but sometimes you just need to get stuff done. His worst bit is the whole get dressed, breakfast, get out time. Really that should be plenty to keep him occupied but no. I always thought he was like it in the morning because he had slept for a few hours and was hungry for milk, but seeing as he goes to 4/5am then up an hour later for more milk i'm not sure.