Support for peer supporters

[Colliecollie]

Thought I'd start a thread because my volunteering has got off to a rocky start and wondered if anyone can give advice or share experiences.

I naively never expected confrontation but that what we got on our first session at a children's centre where the HVs do weighings. It was not directed at me and I didn't witness it but it has knocked my confidence. A mum launched into a tirade at my colleague about all the pressure put on her by hcps to bf and her weeks of hell BFing and she never even wanted to bf etc etc. And then another woman joined in the rant too. I'm meant to be going to this place every week on my own eventually. I wanted to be there to support BFers and speak to anyone referred antenatally who had asked for BF advice. Not to harp on about BF to those who aren't interested. But obviously our very presence pisses some people off.

As I said my confidence is knocked, I'm not sure I could cope with someone having a go at me like that. Aarghh!!!

I should elaborate the my colleague was not harping on about BF, in fact she hadn't even mentioned it to this lady, but was wearing a badge. I don't want to be causing all sorts of upset by being there. It's awful that this mum has been so upset my her experiences and she thought we were there to judge her.

The HVs and other staff are on board and will spread the word that we are there regularly if anyone wants support but it will take time.

Dont let one bad experiance put you off.

There are a lot of women that want to breastfeed but need help to start or to carry on or to stop. These are the people you are there to see and help. Breastfeeding is a very emotional time and you have to understand the huge amount of guilt some people have over the whole feeding issue. Also new mum;s and mum;s with PND needs help and understanding. Do not take it personal and do not ingage in a discuess if someone is having ago. Use a comment like "I'm sorry that was your experanice" and move away form them.

Breastfeeding peer support is important and does help women when they need it but it will not be easy as you will need people at a very emotional time in their lives and people react differently. I'm sure the sucess stories will be worth the bad experiances in the end.

Good luck.

I'm a bfing peer supporter/mother supporter and I do emphathise with the sheer raw terror that can sometimes strike when you feel you might be in the wrong place at the wrong time. Everyone is very delicate post birth and can feel judged by anyone and everyone especially if they feel that something hasn't gone as planned or they have felt backed in to a corner with something.

If something like that happened to me I would probably say something like 'I'm really sorry that bfing didn't go how you wanted it to and I'll not bother you again if talking about bfing upsets you.' And then go home and cry!

I find in a open clinic space (as opposed to a bfing group) that it's best not to bring up bfing unless there are very clear indications a mum is bfing (like she is sitting bfing the baby ) and even then I usually don't say 'how's bfing going' but rather something like 'how are you finding feeding baby name?'.

I've not had any negative comments yet but I do tend to stick to the 'how cute is he!'/'how old is she?'/'Is he your first?'/'What's her name?' and not bring up bfing in the 10 day check clinic or the Well baby clinic I volunteer at whereas at the bfing group I can ask how a mother is finding bfing. Even then I don't jump straight in with the bfing stuff - I like to get to know a mum a little first and find they do open up quite quickly if you are interested in them and baby over and above just feeding problems.

I know we aren't supposed to direct people to other parenting sites but babycentre has a bfing supporters forum (private members only) that might be helpful to you. Have you got a mentor or similar you can ask for support from?

The mentor thing is crucial, isn't it. I had a bad experience recently ("BFing nazis" were mentioned, although they didn't know I'm a peer supporter and it wasn't at me thank goodness!). I was really upset but having a mentor means you can offload and talk through this stuff.

It would be nice to have a thread here though.

One thing that came up that I thought was interesting was that I replied that it was a bit harsh to compare people who are trying to help babies with people who murdered millions, and was told that it's not all about the babies - the mums matter too.

A real "watch your language" moment! I MEANT babies AND mums, but only SAID "babies". It got me thinking that it's a bit like when people don't understand birth trauma and just say "you got a healthy baby, what else matters" when obviously the birth trauma can be devastating.

The BFing experience for mums can be sooo tough, and all BFing supporters (in whatever role) are doing that role because they care about both babies AND mums. But I recognised that my words not only didn't make that clear, but also in a sense sounded like mothers don't matter - they have to give up everything for their babies and if they don't they're bad mums - guilt - etc etc.

I was really cross with myself!

Thanks for all the words of encouragement. I won't let it put me off. Its true it's an extremely emotional time and sensitivity is the key. And choosing words carefully.

Thanks for the good advice about getting to know people without mentioning bf. It is in an open space drop in type session. I have my own dc3 (dd 4mo) with me so that is a good ice breaker and if I need to step away from someone I can go and change her nappy or something!

I am going to email my mentor, and maybe raise at our next monthly meeting. I'm a bit nervous about going this week. But I will be brave!