Calling zoologists/anthropologists/biologists-does breastfeeding break down in nature?

[DrSeuss]

So, as of today I am officially a failed breastfeeder. Please be gentle as I am very sensitive about this. I have tried for 13 days to feed DD but she just will not do it. Have seen every expert, tried every hold and technique and was quite determined to do it having previously cracked DS, who was a nightmare to feed. Sunday saw us sent to hospital as DD was so underweight. Nothing like a day spent in the Paeds ward, holding down an eight day old baby while they have four goes at a blood draw. Nothing wrong, just underweight. Tuesday we were sent to Paeds outpatients for a further check having given formula top ups after every BF just to try to gain the weight. But feeding has always been a fight, she just flails her arms at me, twists when latched to the point where she tore the skin, chews me till I bleed and often just refuses to try. Today, I reluctantly reached the decision that since I was exhausted, I have another child who also needs attention and she just wasn't getting any bigger on feeble attempts at BF, she should go onto formula. I have spent much of the day in tears about this, feel she is getting short changed and wish it could be any other way. However, she is now so much calmer and happier.

My question to the science wonks out there (I'm allowed to call you that since I'm the wife and daughter of scientists!) is, why is BF so damned difficult for humans? I grew up in the country and so know that lambs get rejected sometimes and have to be hand reared but most mammals just seem to get on with it. In nature, my child would probably have died. I was brought up to believe strongly in evolution but surely we evolve in a manner that benefits us, not causes us to fail to feed our young? So wonks, what about it?! La Leche Leaguers need not apply, I feel crap enough, thanks.

I wonder if a lot of the difficulties we have with breastfeeding in this society is because babies' instincts are frustrated almost from the start? From what I've heard lots of people's babies latch themselves on and suckle with no interference soon after birth, and then it all goes wrong. Certainly in my experience once we got onto the post-natal ward there was an endless rotation of midwives, HCAs and students grabbing baby and boob, pulling and pushing, telling me to do different things.

I actually got told off by one for being "too gentle" with my hours old baby, who was bruised and battered from a forceps birth "he's not made of glass" she said as she grabbed his head and shoved him onto my boob as he screamed hysterically. I actually find it pretty amazing that we managed to feed at all with all that going on.

This thread has made me really sad.

I'm so sorry OP to hear of your horrible experience. For me being able to bf is part of being a woman, so not to be able to must be heart breaking. But like tiktok said, everything you've done, you did out of love, and your baby will flourish because of that, regardless of how she feeds.

Another reason that I have read about why breastfeeding is diffucult for humans is to do with breast shape - Desmond Morris had written about it in one of his books. I cant remember which one, and it would be quite an old book now, so I dont know how his opinion is viewed today, but the gist of it was that human females have a permamently 'swollen' breast shape, which he thought would make feeding harder to manage compared to monkeys for example who tend to have flatter breasts. But like I said, I dont know how that opinion fits with modern thinking on he topic.

We do evolve in ways which benefit us overall, but that doent mean that there might be aspects that taken on thier own are not helpful, eg the 'conflict' between an infant having a big brain vs being able to get through a pelvis. Another example is that walking upright has had many benefits for humans, but the change to the pelvis and resulting increased difficulty in giving birth isnt one of them.

Glad to hear you got some sleep and are doing so well expressing, OP, that sounds very encouraging. Really sorry about what you went through. I know how it feels because my first days with DD were the same and there were lots and lots of tears on all sides. From your story, I do think you didn't get good advice at all though. It sounds like your LO was weak and tired from birth and needed a lot of sleep and some propping up with milk to get more strength. Since your supply is fine, hand expressing or expressing her by pump and spoon feeding for a couple of days could have given her more strength. Since you bottlefed formula at some point it sounds like just expressing and feeding her wasn't suggested to you by all the experts? That sounds weird to me.

My DD was very weak from birth as well (born prematurely and very long pushing stage so head was swollen), I had no support from midwives who insisted putting baby on breast after birth wasn't important and she wasn't able to latch for the first couple of days. She couldn;t sleep and cried and fussed a lot just like yours. Luckily the lactation consultant I called on day 4 immediately advised me to express and spoon feed her to prop her up until she could come to my house the next evening. I also started expressing just to elicit the letdown and would put DD on the leaking breast so she wouldn't have to work hard to get milk. It took her about 6 weeks to get the hang of it, and here we are 8 months later still breastfeeding and she's is a very big girl.

If your supply is fine and you really want to make it work (and it sounds a lot from your post like you would love to), I would really encourage you to keep expressing to make sure your LO gets enough milk but keep letting her practice suckling and do lots of skin to skin and maybe also put her on the leaking breast so it is easy for her to get a bit, I think she is young enough that she might get the hang of it, 2 weeks is very very tiny and I think it can take babies much longer than that to get the hang of it. Otherwise just expressing for a while might make you feel better about it?

I wish you good luck!

Oh DrSeuss, so sorry to hear things are so hard (glad you got some sleep last night though).
Just wanted to take issue with the word failure - you are not!

Thanks again for all the encouraging posts. The spoon thing was suggested but, having tried it with DS and found it to be a complete nightmare, I wouldn't try it. With DS we managed to feed him 10 ml in 45 minutes and this was at a point where we were being told that we had to feed him as often as possible because of his jaundice. We tried expressing on days 1, 2 and 3 with DD but there was nothing there till late on day 3. Meanwhile, she was screaming for food so we gave her small amounts of formula while continuing to try to get her to latch on until there was some milk there. She still has a few goes at latching on each day but rarely lasts more than a minute or two. I think I have made my peace with the fact that she will basically be formula fed with breast millk as a supplement, rather than the other way round. This is the only way she seems to gain any weight.

Every sympathy, DrSeuss, felt really sad reading your post as I know how heartbroken I would have felt had that happened to me. It is so important that you treasure these first few precious weeks as you can never get them back. You have had such a traumatic time doing your very best for her. The pressure sounds horrendous and your baby will feel loved whatever way you feed her. Beautiful post from Tiktok, I hope it comforted you.