Help! 8 week old still feeding like a newborn. Trying to go with the flow, but knackered.

[sleeplessinthehomecounties]

DS2 is almost 8 weeks old, and his feeding 'pattern' is really wearing me down. It's not like feeds 2-hourly, or hourly, more like 10-minutely. He feeds (for a reasonable length of time, anything from 10-45 mins), then will either drop off while feeding or come off awake.

If asleep he wil only stay asleep if I hold him. I have slings (used them with DS1), but DS2 usually wakes in the 30 seconds it takes me to put the sling on, then won't settle in it as the minute he wakes he is rooting for another feed. In the night he sleeps on me. Not next to me, on me. Next to me or in his cot (in our room) he again wakes immediately and won't settle without feeding.

If he comes off awake he will lie very contendedly in my arms/on the floor/in a bouncy seat, but literally only for 5-15 mins MAX (5 mins is more usual) before crying and, again, the only thing that settles him is feeding.

He also cluster feeds absolutely non-stop from about 5pm-9pm, and again from 5am-7am (I then have to get up with DS1, who is only 2)

It's getting worse, not better - from about 3-6 weeks he did one really long nap in the sling (2-3 hours), and one long sleep at night (2-3 hours, on me of course), but now he is only napping for 60-90 mins during the day (he has lots of other little cat naps during/immediately after feeds, so isn't getting tired and hysterical).

I've tried to be very zen about this and go with the flow, first telling myself it might improve after 3 weeks, then after 6 week growth spurt, but it really isn't, and I am getting tired and cross. How the hell can I start things on the right track? I'm not asking for him to be on a 3-hourly routine or anything, but surely expecting him to go more than an hour between feeds more than once every 24 hours isn't ridiculous? I am open to any and all suggestions. Dummy? Really didn't want to use one, but if someone tells me it might help...

BTW, lots of wet and dirty nappies, generally aware and seems to be happy and healthy. Haven't ha him weighed since 2.5 weeks as I had huge issues with HVs and formula/waning pressure with DS1 (and they failed to spot his digestive issues, despite genuine constipation when he was ebf, and a host of other things), and vowed not to put myself through that again.

Gosh, sorry for the essay, am really feeling blue about it all.

I should add that I am self employed and absolutely NEED to start earning again in about 6 weeks (really needed to start earning already, but have managed to rearrange things to give me a few weeks' grace). It only needs to be an hour or two a day (DS1 is at nursery a bit, and I have relatives who will take him for the requisite hour or two once DS2 is in a bit of a routine), but at the moment I don't have that! If I can't find some way of making him reliably go a bit longer at some point during the day, he'll have to have a bottle in the evening so I can work then . Really don't want to do that, as really wanted to EBF at least as long as I did with DS1 (4 months, then he had a bottle every now and again till 6 months).

I would definitely try a dummy! What's the harm? Babies need/like to suck and it's a choice between a breast or a breast substitute imo.

Having said that, I would also go to see a breastfeeding counsellor and get your latch and positioning checked - it may be he is not getting milk as effectively as possible and his feeding could improve a little. Was he checked for tongue-tie too?

Maybe I'll try a dummy. I hate them so much! Mainly due to seeing nephew have one in 24 hours a day until the age of three because it meant he didn't talk and interrupt his parents . I know it doesn't have to go that far, but hate the idea of giving DS2 a comfort object (dummy) and then, in order to avoid above situation, taking it away once he's used to it.

Don't think there's tongue tie - feeding is totally pain free (thank god, given the amount he feeds!). DS1 had mild tongue tie and it was bloody agonising.

I think there's a local BFing cafe, but my experience last time (although admittedly with MWs snd HVs, not BF counsellors) was that as long as he wasn't unhappy and was gaining weight, it was my problem, not theirs, if I wasn't happy. As far as they were concerneed, if I wasn't coping with BFing, I was stupid to try anything other than formula.

My parents are already on at me to try formula too, and won't listen when I say I think DS2 wants to be held as well as feed (he goes fractionally longer between feeds if someone else is there to hold him).

Am feeling really as I was so hoping that BFing would be a nicer experience this time and was totally prepared for newborn feeding, but not newborn feeding for two months!

Sounds like he's not latched on properly and milk transfer is inefficient and takes too much energy. I'd pop off and see a local bfc and see what they say. Also cranial osteopathy can be very good in unsettled babies.

Are there any La Leche League or NCT groups near you?

This is just personal experience but my baby did something similar. I had genuine supply issues. we were prescribed domperidone and after 2 weeks its suddenly clicked, shes getting gulping big feeds and going 2-3 hours at 8 weeks. May not be your problem but definately worth contacting your infant feeding co-ordinator.

If it is any consolation 8 weeks was the point where everything started to settle down for DD. I was so gutted when I got to the magic 6 week mark and she was still feeding all the time and really struggled with 6-8 weeks but by 9 weeks she was like a different baby.

So hopefully things will get better soon.

I definitely second having a chat with a BFC. I found our HV was very keen to advocate bottles too, but our local BFC was really empathetic and thoughtful and although I'm sure she wouldn't have sneered at bottles she did talk about all the other things we could try first.

I didn't want to use a dummy either but DD certainly did. We offered one from about 6 weeks. For a while she couldn't sleep at all without a nipple or dummy in her mouth so it was a complete life saver. I now think they have their place if you use them for comfort only (not to shut children up obviously!). In our case I forgot to offer it to 6m old DD one day when we were heading out in the pushchair and she didn't seem to mind. She hasn't had one since, so after all the agonising it turned out to be one of the easiest parenting decisions ever.

Thanks for replying everyone. Feeling a bit less sorry for myself now.

Veronica I was definitely banking on things improving after the 6 week growth spurt, so have found it hard that they are the same/worse.

I will try to go to local baby cafe - think it's run by ABM or La Leche (can't remember).

I suppose in a way it feels like I'm silly getting strssed about it and bothering NCT/baby cafe etc as DS2 is totally settled and happy just as long as he's fed constantly, so it's only me getting upset.

Supply is definitely not abundant, despite total demand feeding from day. I hardly got engorged or sore when milk came in, and more or less stopped leaking with a week or two of that. When I mentioned low supply to HV with DS1 she basically told me it was a myth - despite also suggesting I give formula...

I don't think being engorged/ leaking are signs of a problem with suppy though, some people get them and some don't that's all.

Definitely try the local baby cafe. I also found things settled down later than 6 weeks - I always think they say 6 weeks as that's when you get a bit of feedback from the baby, ie smiles and a bit more idea of night and day from them (hopefully!)

if it makes you feel better, DS would only sleep on me till 12 weeks and then he was (unless poorly) happy to sleep in his basket most of the time.