Somewhat self-absorbed ramble about whether (or how?) to stop BF (older baby)

[NotForMeDear]

Sorry

Will try not to ramble too much but do feel a bit wobbly about it and want to try and stay 'focussed' rather than get all over-emotional

In short:

DS, 10m, bf. Still bf on demand through the night (led by him as it's the only thing that will get him back to sleep. His sleep is rubbish and has been from birth)

Is a great feeder though, never had problems bf. He enjoys it, as do I (in the daytimes and evenings, anyway)

I am hideously sleep-deprived. DS is up at least 3 times a night (this is a GOOD night). Frequently up before 6am

DP has a physically demanding job and needs to be on the ball

I am returning to work soon and have a mentally demanding job and need to be on the ball

DS really Not Keen on a bottle (doesn't matter what's in it - just wants my boob, basically)

DS will have others looking after him when I am at work. He will need to take milk from something other than a breast...

I feel I am waffling about this in my head and probably on here but really feel a bit stuck

DS really seems attached to bf... hit me with some solutions [pleading]

Thanks if you've got this far [smaile]

Breastfeeding isn't causing his sleep issues though, so if you want to fix his sleeping that's a separate issue from whether or not to stop breastfeeding.

Why not just breastfeed morning and evening and he can have milk (formula/ebm/cows) from a cup in the day?

Hello

Additional problem: I am a shift worker, will be doing a combination of days and nights. So will 'miss' lots of feed times depending on what shift I'm working

Have tried 'fixing' the sleep thing with extremely limited results. The ONLY thing he wants when he wakes is a bf - nothing else. Not DP, not me sans breast, not a dummy or a cuddly toy...

Hmm

Agree with Rita the sleep is a seperat issue to stopping breastfeeding.

Also an older baby can easily take all the milk they need when you are around or if needed use a cup no point trying to get an older baby to take a bottle when they are supposed to be off bottle's by 12months anyway. I take it he has a cup already for drinks, so he'll know how to use one already.

The sleep thing you could try night weaning, but your DH may need to take some time off to help you with this as it really needs some one other then you to go setal him in the night. Of course this is no gaurentie to improve sleep. Some babies/small children just don't sleep well it's not a problem to be fixed really it's just the way they are.

Agree with Rita that Bfing isn't causing his sleep problems and that is a separate issue.

Have you considered night weaning? You might find this useful too.

As for getting him to take a bottle, there is plenty of threads in the archive on MN and there is also some info on Kellymom and nct.

If it was me, I'd try to continue. Bfing when you get home from work is such a lovely way of saying hello.

DS1 was similar at that age. We did gradual retreat (supported by a sleep clinic) to break his feed / sleep associations. It was really tough going, we had to be very disciplined and stick to the plan, but after a couple of weeks he "got it", and either stopped waking at night, or the odd time he did, went back to sleep without needing fed.

I went back to work part time when he was 11 months, and was still feeding morning and evening, and at ad hoc points during the day. The morning feed was quickly dropped (by him). The evening feed carried on until he was 15 months, when he lost interest in that too. I'd missed a lot of bedtimes through not managing to get out of the office, and he just seemed to lose interest eventually. Which I found a bit sad, but much easier than having to forcibly wean him. He had milk from a sippy cup (wouldn't take a bottle) through the day when I was at work and when I didn't manage bedtime, and he accepted this from the nanny / DH pretty readily - I don't think he would have accepted this from me! I think what I'm trying to say is that you may find once you're back at work that he suddenly gains some "independence" and surprises you.

DS2 was the same at 10 months - still up 3 or 4 times a night and we were all shattered and at the end of our tether. By this point, I had always refused any cc 'helpful' suggestions by others, but we really had got to breaking point.

So, we did two weeks with DH cuddling DS2 to sleep when he woke (with me downstairs because I didn't want to hear the screaming!). DH picked DS2 up, cuddled him, when he was crying (but not hysterically), he'd lay him in the cot and pat his back / shush and sit next to him. If he got really hysterical again, DH would pick him up and again, cuddle / sing to him, until he was a bit calmer. DS2 always fell asleep in his cot and it took about 3 bad nights, where DS2 was crying for like an hour or so, but it got better quickly.

Then DS2 started sleeping through. We 'tackled' his 10pm waking first, then his 1am waking, then his 4am waking. Just because I thought to go from 3 - 4 feeds a night to nothing was a bit 'mean' (although physically he didn't need it, as he was eating solids so well by 10 months old).

At 14 months, we are still BF'ing, but never in the night. He does still wake at 5am EVERY morning, but he settles himself pretty quickly in the night on the occasions he does get disturbed / wakes up.

HTH. Also, DS2 doesn't and never has taken from a bottle either. He takes water from a beaker and milk from a beaker in the evening now (only recently started doing this). I just made sure he had lots of 'watery' foods to try to make sure he wasn't dehydrated on the days he wasn't with me.

Do you want to stop breastfeeding per se? If so, go for it, but there are other ways to tackle the sleep than just to stop breastfeeding.

Hi just to say - my boys didn't have milk in the day at all from about 9/1o months - they took a bottle ok but weren't bothered about it in the day -so I wouldn't worrry about that - I wouldn't try a bottle at all as other said - could try a cup -
DS1 BF from me in the day when I am around and didn't seem bother about supply
as others said to improve sleep its not stopping BF - its about breaking assoication between feeding and sleeping - have you looked at no cry sleep solution for ideas or see above
and it sound mean but it it worth doing a trail run - so see how he is if you are not around - try a few hours in the day with carer - and try a bedtime with out you - he might suprise you - I would go out but not be too far away for the bedtime one

Thanks all, helpful to read all posts

I don't want to completely stop bf, no. But am happy to mix-feed from now (will have to anyway because of work). He eats solids v well so am not massively worried about nutrition from milk IYKWIM?

I managed to bf my other 2 once I was back at work but was working more conventional hours then. And I have to say they were MUCH better sleepers (DC1 slept through from about 6m, DC2 from about 9m). Am hopeful that supply won't be too buggered about and I'll still be able to bf on my days off

Have decided to give a bedtime 'bottle' though (whichever he prefers), just to get him used to being fed and settled by DP or someone else. He took 6oz tonight in a bottle, from me, HAPPILY. Hurrah. Feel this is a bit of a result - at least I can be at work knowing he's ok and happy going to bed

Does anyone know roughly what a 10m old should be taking amount-wise in a bottle?

Depends on how many feeds, what they're eating etc. One of my friend's 9 month old has 3 5oz bottles a day, another friend's has 4 9oz bottles

A rough guide is 500-600ml of milk a day including dairy in food.

Thats great news - my boys had about 7 oz at bed time at that age

Thanks. Can't believe he took it so readily, he's always faffed with a bottle so much before now, even when it's been EBM

Think he would have taken more (he was awake when I put him in his cot, not spanked out) so will try 7oz tomorrow. Am pleased he went down, awake, with only 5mins of patting and shushing

Thanks again for letting me ramble. BF is so bloody emotive, isn't it?!The thought of stopping completely makes me quite sad tbh [last baby]

BF and parenting in general is bloody emotive.

Just wanted to say you'll be surprised with work and lack of sleep. I work in research/academia so tough mentally. Went back at 4 months and DD still at 14 months wakes 2 hourly most nights. You just adjust.