Newborn - really struggling wiith breastfeeding. Please help...

[Starshaped]

Sorry in advance- this is long but I'm really struggling...

Our daughter is 5 days old and I'm really struggling with breastfeeding. After some initial difficulties in hospital, the CMW manged to help me get a decent latch on Sunday and I hoped things would get a little bit easier. However yesterday was horrific - although she is still feeding and the latch is much less painful, it's a complete battle to get her on the boob and she gets absolutely hysterical everytime I get her in a position to feed. She honestly spent about 8 hours crying hysterically (bright red in the face and horrible screams and sobs) yesterday. Hubby is being really supportive but we're worried sick and don't know what to do.

We're trying to feed her at the first sign of any rooting but it doesn't seem to be making any difference how early I offer her food. She still gets hysterical and refuses the breast for hours before latching on. DH takes her away and calms her but as soon as she comes back to the breast, it starts again. She's really upset, I'm really upset and she must be starving by the time she actually gets on and feeds.. When she does feed, I feel that she getting on ok because i can see her jaw going, ears waggling and hear sucks and swallows. I just can't cope with the battle and distress to get there - I feel like she's scared of me and of being at the breast

We've been trying to feed on her demand as it seems to upset her more if we try and wake her to feed every two hours or so. Should we be doing this and following her lead or should we be more regimented about offering her it every hour/two hours etc?

For info, on Sunday she fed on 15 occasions for a total of 190 mins and yesterday she fed 11 times for a total of 125 mins. She slept through for 4 and a half hours last night until I woke her at 6.30am and after 30 mins of hysteria, she's fed for 10 mins from each side since.

We're so scared of another day of non-stop tears and fighting that hubby has been to buy some emergency formula and a bottle. I really don't want to resort to it but am scared that all the fighting the breast and tears must mean that she's really hungry.

Does it sound like we're feeding her enough and has anybody got any advice or experience of feeding a baby who gets hysterically whenever offered the breast?

Right, got one of my own howling here so just a few things while we wait for someone mopre useful to arrive!

Have you tried just staying with her, stripped off, in bed? I mean for hours on end, don't put her down once she falls asleep. Just let her be near the breast with no pressure to feed.

The main thing here is that you need more support IRL - what about the MW, is she seeing you daily? If not, call her again and get her back. You could also consider calling one of the helplines (0300 330 0771 - NCT). If the MW seems to be giving you no support or if she doesn't seem knowledgeable then ask to be referred to the hospital infant feeding advisor. You need help now and this is their job, to provide you with it.

Congratulations and good luck - one day (soon!) this will just be a memory! :)

I agree with fran - get real life help and resist pressurising to feed :)

Your own insight is useful - you think your baby may be scared of the breast. This can sometimes happen when there has been over-enthusiastic pressure to latch on and this might mean some heavy hands-on from the midwives or frequent waking (jiggling, tickling, and so on) to feed more.

Your baby loves you and wants to be close to you and to find her own way to the breast relaxedly and gently....try co-bathing, co-bedding, skin to skin, check out biological nurturing on the web, and take the pressure off both of you :)

The fact she can feel once she is calmed down is a great sign.

Sounds like plenty of feeding to me Personally i wouldn't wake her, let her feed when she wants to. The recommendation is 8-12 feeds in 24 hrs so shes having plenty. I'd contact your local breast feeding support group and ask for someone to see you at home today for real hands on advice.
In the meantime ban visitors, get into bed have lots of skin to skin contact and let her feed when she wants to. It can be really hard at the start you are both learning a new skill You can do it just make sure you get real support from experienced breast feeding advisors Best of luck

x posts interesting that we are all saying the same thing
Let her relax with you and feed when she wants and i'm sure it'll turn around very soon x

I agree with the others, take the pressure off both of you, send DH out for lots of yummy easy food and magazines, all three of you snuggle up in bed together and let the world outside wait for a good long while.

And stop timing your feeds as this will just stress you out further!

Totally agree that you need lots of skin-to-skin, lay her between your boobs with just a nappy on, get your DH to keep you well supplied with snacks and drinks. Pass baby to daddy for more snuggles if you need the loo, and keep watching for signs that she WANTS to feed, she'll be rooting and moving towards the breast.

As long as she is producing plenty of wet nappies then she is getting enough. If she is only producing a few wet nappies then seek medical advice from your MW.

Also, has she been checked for tongue tie?

You've had great advice already so I just wanted to share experience.

I had this with DD1. I was incredibly upset by it, it felt like she hated me feeding her, I felt such a failure, it was awful. I don't know why we didn't just give up (I wasn't thinking straight really) but on advice, we ended up cup feeding for the first 9 days (after offering the breast and her getting upset each time). It was an awful few days for us, feels like a lifetime.

On day 10, she just took the breast when offered and fed. Was so weird, nothing different, she just did it. It didn't immediately switch but within about 4 days she was bf'ing at every feed and we continued ebf til she was 8 months and I was pregnant again...

I wonder now if she was uncomfy in some way - she was a ventouse, had her head at a funny angle and so maybe it was sore for her to be held that way or to open her jaw at that angle? Or possibly that she was just too small for it to work comfortably til day 10 (though she wasn't tiny, 7lb6oz). But bascially I have no idea why, I just know she just decided to feed one day.

So try the things mentioned above but if you're interested in keeping the option of bf'ing then keep offering hte breast and maybe she'll take it? I hope so if that's what you want as I know how incredibly upsetting this must be for you.

And also, btw, dd2 fed easily from day 1 with no problems at all so it really was just something about the combination of me and dd1 in those early days that didn't quite click straight away....

Agree with the others. Co-bedding, skin to skin and take-aways. She will root and find when she wants to.
And throw the clock out of the window. Don't wake baby for a feed. It sounds to me like she's sleepy.

I remembered my cats when I had ds this time. She used to live in the cupboard in a comfy box and just lie there with her kittens all day- just emerging for food and litter box a few times a day. That's what you need to do.

Totally agree with others. Push your bed against the wall, tuck duvet or towel down any gap and put a baby blanket over the 2 of you. Has someone shown you how to feed lying down as everything may be calmer if you can get her latched on when sleepy.

You can search for local bf support groups here

Thank you for all the reassurance and advice - it's all really helpful and is putting my mind at rest.

My delivery sounds very much like yours Norkiliy, so wonder if there is something in that? There was also some definite pressure and force from some of the MWs in hospital who were just pushing her onto the breast, so agree that might have scared her stiff. I think we just need to relax.

Midwife has just been round and weighed DD. She's barely lost any weight since birth and is producing lots of wet and yellow dirty nappies, so she's happy that she's getting enough milk. She asked me to get her latched on while she was here and typically she went on straight away, with no fuss and proceeded to feed for 20 minutes while she had her heel prick test! Midwife thinks that yesterday might have been partially down to engorgement and has reassured me that it doesn't matter if she's only feeding for 10 minutes at a time because it looks like once she's on, she's getting a good feed.

I feel so much happier! If she gets upset and worked up today, I'm going to take your advice and snuggle up in bed with her and just try and relax. I'll also check out some local bf support groups - thanks for the link Albrecht.

That's great news, on her weight, on the feed today and everything else. Hopefully things will just keep getting better.

I meant to mention that a couple of people had suggested cranial osteopathy to us and, after it was sorted, I kind of wished we'd tried it and I would try it if I have similar problems with dc3 (due imminently)

it may well have been down to the birth I had a ventouse and ds refused to feed for about 26 hours - just screamed whenever he went anywhere near the boob and they gave him some paracetamol and he was a different baby!

So pleased you're feeling better. :)

So many of these newborn feeding struggles can be solved by skin-to-skin and resting in bed together. I think spending the first few days of life being trussed up in stiff outfits, passed around people who are (to the baby) random strangers and being jiggled and poked and pestered probably makes most new babies utterly miserable - I'm not saying that's what you've done! but so often people forget that just a short time previously they were safe in the womb.

I know with my second I just went to bed as soon as we started having feeding troubles and we both benefited hugely and they are such happy memories of snuggling up together.

I like SweetGrapes' cat analogy - when you watch what happens to animals where they have no books, TV or MILs to help, it's amazing how easy they make it look!

Engorgement! Of course! Should have thought of that
When your engorged it can be difficult for baby to latch on which will probably explain why she was getting frustrated.
You should be okay now if she is feeding fine, but if it happens again (hopefully it won't!) then until you start getting a little bit of flow to soften the breast. You can also rub this milk onto your nipples if they are a bit sore as well.
Glad you are getting on better, sounds like you are both doing great

I agree with trying your best to stop timing feeds, this can only cause even more stress for you and in itself doesnt mean a right lot. Many of my friends were bf for 30-40 mins every hour or so at this age whereas my DS has only EVER fed for 5 mins max but as his weight is fine I have finally stopped worrying about this (he's 6mo now).

If you stop worrying and try your best to accept that you are doing a great job for your DD then you may well find feeding easier. I know when I was all wound up, virtually in tears myself trying to get DS latched on, bouncing him around to calm him etc etc it just made things so much worse. I know it's easier said than done to relax, but try. Your DD is so young and her feeding patterns will keep on changing for a while yet, one min you panic you dont have enough milk, the next you are worried about oversupply.... there is ALWAYS something to worry about. Just lie back, eat cake, and enjoy your baby! :)

I'd support the advice one cranial osteopathy if your baby was delivered by ventouse or forceps. My sisters baby was and had an awful time bf and also sleeping, basically because his head was so bruised and painful. Cranial osteopathy helped enormously.
Glad to hear things are a bit easier - well done you and congrats