Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Flip

Original poster

A moan about feeding in public..breast and bottle.

14 replies

FirstTimeMum1 · 05/05/2011 18:22

Is it just me or does everyone receive negative attitudes from randomers in public when feeding?

The other day I was BF DD in a restaurant/bar in Leeds and the people sat around me (on other tables not my DP and friends) kept giving me dodgy looks. DD was covered with a White muslin square, as was my boob so it's not like I was carrying out an act of indecent exposure! Some were even shaking their head's and tutting at me like I was a crazed mad woman with a 6 week old baby hanging off me!

THEN, to make my annoyance at the general ignorant and rude public even worse I was given dodgy looks at another place for using a bottle. Not wanting to repeat the previous experience I had I expressed a fees so I wouldn't have to frighten people again, and this time received disapproving looks from nosey people and tutting again! I can't win!!

Is it because I'm a 21year old student and people expect me the opposite?

Or is it just Leeds?

I know I shouldn't care what people think or do but I have enough to think about with studying for a degree and caring for a baby for the first time and learning as I go - it definitely doesn't help the stress/tiredness when people find it appropriate to make a judgement on something that a) they don't know the circumstance and b) it's none of their business!

Has anyone else had similar experiences or do I just go to the wrong places?!

P.s sorry about the moan.....

OP posts:

headfairy · 05/05/2011 18:26

Next time just brash it out and say "why don't you take a picture, it'll last longer?" Then turn your back on them.

Sorry to hear you're having problems though, I really honestly do think it's no one's business how you feed your baby. Please don't let a few ignorant people put you off bfing though... you're doing a wonderful thing there, they're the ignorant tossers!

LuckyWeKeptTheCot · 05/05/2011 18:27

Some people are just judgemental - I find motherhood and issues like feeding to be the most divisive and also the most bonding thing ever. I bottle fed and was given a massive talking to by a total stranger about the harm I was doing to my baby. I have been with friends bein made to feel uncomfortable while they BF. It's no-one's business but yours and well done for getting on with it.

suzikettles · 05/05/2011 18:31

Honestly?

I think most of the looks that people think they get when out and about are people having an attack of indigestion/thinking deep thoughts/realising they forgot to lock the front door/remembering they need to get to the bank/wondering if that woman over there is Doreen's niece.

Most of the time when people are looking at you they're not actually looking at you iyswim. Most people don't actually care what someone else is doing and "that woman is feeding a baby" might flit across their consciousness, but probably swiftly followed by "dammit I've got nothing in for tea".

And if they are giving you disapproving looks because of whatever hangup they've got about something or another then they're twats and can be safely ignored.

libelulle · 05/05/2011 18:32

I've probably had the odd stare, but in all honesty I just blank it out. I'm generally someone who does actually feel self-conscious about what people might think of me, but in the case of breastfeeding I'm utterly brazen. It's so self-evidently a reasonable thing to do that I assume anyone with a problem is clearly not worth a second thought.

In general though I fear that developing a thick skin is something it's worth working on - as you've discovered, people will judge, regardless of what you do, and breastfeeding is just the beginning! Baby/child too dressed up, not dressed up enough, too quiet, too loud. Mother too young, too old, too middle class, too working class, etc etc. Sod 'em!

LuckyWeKeptTheCot · 05/05/2011 18:37

Suzi probably has a point- you might be feeling more self conscious than you 'need' to. I'm sure you'll relax about it and take no notice of the odd few who do stare at you. I sometimes stare at women who appear to be easily BF because I am so envious of them!

GoldenGreen · 05/05/2011 18:37

I have bf dd in loads of restaurants/cafes/other public places in Leeds and never had a glance. She's 11 months. I bottlefed ds from 4 weeks old and again, never a glance. I believe you, but just wanted to say that in case someone else from Leeds was reading and worrying about feeding in public! Sorry this has happened to you, and hope it doesn't put you off in future.

Maryz · 05/05/2011 18:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

gkys · 05/05/2011 18:41

wave and ask if they want a closer look

ellifino · 05/05/2011 18:43

There's barely a building standing in Leeds that hasn't had a glimpse of my boobs and the only place I ever had a problem was the cafe in Kirkstall Abbey.

I think I live with the general assumption that no one has a problem with me doing my thing. I am not looking for disapproval so I don;t see it.

ib · 05/05/2011 18:44

I think parenthood just requires a certain degree of obliviousness and/or a thick skin.

I never cover up while bfing. It may be that people are giving me disapproving looks and even tutting, but I wouldn't know, I'm not paying attention to them. I'm feeding my baby which is what he needs there and then, and everything else can go hang.

And ds is 13mo, and I'm living in a country where bfing of toddlers is even rarer than in the UK, so chances are plenty of people do disapprove.

Their problem not mine.

Original poster

FirstTimeMum1 · 05/05/2011 19:21

I must need to toughen up a bit.... Hopefully when DD starts sleeping more and all my assignments/exams are done I'll stop being so touchy!

Thanks for the comments though, good to know Leeds isn't judgmental all over, and people aren't as harsh as in my head..

I'll branch out on my places and get the boob out more often!

OP posts:

ib · 05/05/2011 20:08

Good for you. You're doing the best for your dd, don't let anyone get in the way of that!

gkys · 05/05/2011 20:16

you will be whipping em out on the bus soon keep at your doing a great job

Dotty38 · 05/05/2011 20:26

I think people look out of curiosity not judgementalism and often I think other parents look because so often you'll find that people have had or are having issues with feeding and so it is something they'll notice and look at (I know I do as breast feeding is not something I find easy nor did I find bottle feeding DD1 easy either, feeding is just very emotive for most Mums I reakon!). Just ignore them and feel proud to be breast feeding as it's quite an achievement and then to do it in public is an even bigger achievement your doing brilliantly.

Flip