Night weaning 16m dd but feel so guilty

[glitterballmama]

16 month old co-sleeping dd still waking four times a night for BF.

My plan was always to let her find her own way and that she would sleep through the night eventually.

However, I work full time and am just shattered all the time. I am also pregnant.I know I can't BF TWO children through the night (she will be nearly 2 when the new baby arrives) so feel I must at least night wean her - she can BF during the day to her heart's content (and does).

Two nights in, I feel so guilty. I've been giving her her dummy at night and offering her water from a bottle which she takes a bit of, and cuddling her close and soothing her, saying "No milky just now, it's sleepy time".

I'm worried she is too young to understand and I am confusing and upsetting her. It does seem to be working in that she grumbles rather than loudly cries then goes back to sleep with her dummy though she sometimes spits it out three or four times and grabs my top but eventually takes it. I just don't know if she is too little and if I am being a cruel mummy, advice please.

It might be easier if she didn't co sleep but that will be another battle, the plan is to get her night weaned and then focus on getting her to sleep in her cot.

It took me 2 tries to night wean DD1 (gone completely out of the window since the arrival of DD2 but that's probably because we all co-sleep and I can't really fob her off if DD2 is BF all night long!). The first time she was about 15 mo and was having none of it so I gave up. She just cried 'booby' all night, I don't think she was ready at all. I tried again 3 or 4 months later and it went much more smoothly, it only took a couple of nights for her to settle with a drink of water, a cuddle and a song. She's still never slept through though but that's just her personality I think, she doesn't want to miss anything!

I think you can tell if they're ready for it, grumbling rather than screaming the place down is probably a good sign! If she's old enough to understand asleep and awake then just tell her 'booby's asleep' and see how that goes. I tried gradually increasing the times when I wouldn't feed her, going from 12-4 to start with and then eventually 11-7. My DD1 never had a dummy though so not sure on that score.

Good luck and congrats on your pregnancy :)

Hi glitter,
It doesn't sound as if you have anything to feel guilty about...you are night weaning your daughter in the gentlest way possible, giving her lots of cuddles and reassurance. She doesn't sound as though she is particularly upset by it either so well done. My dd is 13 months and still wakens occasionally for one feed in the night, I dont think I could cope with 4 night feeds!
Personally I think you will both benefit from the extra sleep and you will find that your dd will start eating more in the day to make up for lost calories.
Congratulations on your pregnancy and good luck with the weaning

I'm reading this with interest as I work FT and am bfing my little one through the night. I have not got the hang of night weaning at all despite working FT.

I can fully imagine that you are shattered all the time and I have not been able to break night weaning yet but I think if I was pregnant it would be a different game.

You are going to need your sleep and your energy so I hope you can crack it.

I posted another post about how I refused one feed to my little one and my little angel slammed a door in my face - I gather from that that at least at around 1.5 years they can communicate better (even if it is painful for me!).

We mix up the sleeping arrangements too.

Good luck and you sound like a super star to me so you have to make sure you stay super.

thanks all of you x

Hi there,
I've recently night weaned my co-sleeping 15 month old. It wasn't too bad...Not sure if any of my experiences will help. But you have my total respect and understanding. I can't imagine being pregnant along with being a mum and managing work as well. Well done you :)...
I had gone back to work full time and was kind of feeding her back to sleep simply to get some sleep myself. However I decided to quit my job and a few days after finishing I thought we should tackle nights. She was waking between 3-6 times through the night, when she did I would sit up and put her on my shoulder and pat her back (my husband's technique for getting her down) she would snuggle back to sleep. So that was that. When she wakes at 3-5 am she is definitely looking for a feed and wont settle without, so I still feed her then and I'm happy with that. She must be hungry, supper's at 5pm after all! She has certainly stopped waking so many times now, or if she does wake she may well self-settle a bit. I continue to feed her down for naps during the day now I'm off and when she's teethy or grouchy.
Good Luck and Congrats xxx

You are definitely not cruel to stop night feeds for a 16 month old toddler. At that age, you must surely know, she doesn't need to feed in the night. Hers is a habit that can be changed (and should be, for everyone's sake)

However, imho, it is a bit cruel to sleep next to her and refuse her the milk she knows is there in your breasts.

I weaned my DD at about that age, she has been fine. It wasn't pleasant, I felt terrible but I had been breastfeeding continuously for three and a half years and I just wanted to stop. You are not doing her any harm, it will all work out I promise.

For how long Humphrey was it unpleasant. I cave into the night feeds despite working full time.

glitter I too am pregnant and still co-sleeping with a boob monster of 16 months. We have already had one attempt at night weaning (which failed abysmally) but DS is a very insistant little man. But will definitely be giving it another go soon as I am going mental.

When are you due?

My EDD is 18/10 and DS will be 22 months old

I went cold turkey and it lasted about three nights. She was livid, it was awful, but it passed quickly really, although it didn't feel like this at the time. Good luck with it.