I have two months to get this sleep/feeding thing sorted

[bronze]

Ds3 is just two. We sleep in the spare bed as it's the only way I get any sleep. I still breastfeed him to sleep (bad I know but it was a case of needs must) Recently he has taken to waking up and comfort feeding for hours at a time, if I stop him he gets distraught and wakes other people up. If it's nearly time to get up I can get us both up and he will be fine.

I have several missions.

1. to stop feeding him to sleep
2. to get him into his own bed
3. to stop comfort feeding him at night

I don't mind continuing feeding him but understand that to do all this I probably need to stop.

I've read the no-cry book but find that popping him off as she suggests just doesnt work.
I really can't cope with full on controlled crying and anyway don't want to do it.

Any ideas, tips general support? I want to try and keep this thread going so I am motivated.

The two months thing is because I am taking my four abroad end of june on my own and want to get it sorted by then

Please help

ok, two is old enough to understand, play games etc.

There is likely to be crying but you want it to be crying because you have said no... eg if he asks for a knife etc. you don't have to be horrible, you can cuddle, sympathise etc but you don't give him the knife. I don't do crying without comfort at any age personally, but being sad/cross/disappointed is part of life.

Keep it positive! Eg hey you're a big boy now, here's your milk/water cup. I weaned my 14mth old off the boob and focused on what he could have (eg cuddles/water). I talked and played going to bed games during hte day too, they understand more than you think!

Don't forget he may not know how to go to sleep without you. So maybe play games of 'close your eyes, hold your blanket' etc.

Good luck. Really try to think of ways to make it a fun new thing rather than Horrible Techniques (that's why I hat e Controlled Crying so much!) and I dont think it will be as hard as you think...

bronze are you on your own? Just asking as our DD was always fed to sleep and at about 2 I went out while DH put her to bed. Worked like a treat, she never asked for her bedtime bf once.

No I have dh but tried that last night and ds just got very upset.
Instead I fed him in his bed as a first step.
Toddler beds are not built for two!

Jay Gordon might have some ideas to help with the sleeping through, although it's aimed at co-sleepers.

I agree with Adair, there will be some crying involved, but there's a huge difference between walking out on a screaming child and staying there to reassure and comfort them.

Thank you Silkenladder. that has helped. I haven't read anywhere near all of it but the angry/scared baby thing just made me feel weepy and realise that nighttime weaning is my real aim I had assumed like others complete weaning was the only way

My DDis much younger but she stopped feeding to sleep very abruptly at about 7.5m and she's never been much of a one for rocking in my arms which meant I had to help her learn to fall asleep on her own, because otherwise I couldn't get her down at all.

What worked for me was giving a last bedtime feed before she dropped off and putting her in her cot still awake but dozy. If she started crying I'd stroke her back and talk soothingly and if that didn't work I'd leave her for 2mins and wait outside the door and then go in and offer to comfort her again. Usually within about 4-6mins she was calm enough to lie in her cot and allow me to pat her back and chat to her as she dropped off. Lots of people recommend having a specific sleepy phrase like 'night night sleepytime'. I found it easier to just talk soothingly about how much her and Daddy and I loved her and had enjoyed our day with her and were looking forward to playing with her again tomorrow. Obviously she was too small to understand what I was saying but thinking about how lovely she is helped me to stay calm and positive.

I did this to sort out bedtime but it helped with night time wakings too, within a few weeks she had dropped to just 2 night time wakings (from 6-12) and then to one.

I felt horribly guilty about leaving her for those 2mins, but I honestly think having me there initially was working her up. She sleeps through mainly now though she still has a night feed between 4 and 5 about twice a week.

The Pantley Pull Off isn't for everyone but I think some of the other suggestions in the NCSS about communicating what needs to change and helping your child find other ways of being comforted may be relevant to you. And having a plan did help to stop me going mad.

I introduced Ratty and Blanky yesterday. Both things he's always had around but since then I've gone and found them every time he's got upset. I'm hoping he will associate them with comfort.
I think you're right about having a plan, also having this thread to just talk about it feels good. I tried getting him to sleep by feeding him in his bed again earlier but he wasn't interested so he's currently watching Dora with Ratty and Blankie and will try again later

bronze just have one more thought on him suddenly wanting to feed more during the night, are his back teeth coming through?